DS13 refusing to do anything on holiday

[savemefromteen]

DS is an only. We are in Devon for a much needed break and he’s ruining it. He refuses to come even for a quick dog walk on the beach. I managed to get him to agree to come somewhere with me tomorrow (visit to city) while DH and dog go elsewhere and he’s just said that after that he’s not leaving the house until we go home.

Keeps saying he wants to go home etc etc.

Am so fed up we have a lot going on and we really needed this break and I’m hating it because of this behaviour.

It’s fine to leave him while we do a quick dog walk but not all day ☹️

Any advice on where to go with this? I won’t be able to physically drag him out the house, he’s taller than me now!

Why is he wanting to stay indoors?

What's there for him to do?

To be blunt he is 13 he’d probably rather be at home, doing activities in Devon probably sounds like the worst thing in the world to him right now. Leave him in the accommodation for a morning or afternoon, he’ll be fine

Internet and his phone I imagine.

At thirteen it is quite natural to not want to spend a week alone with parents, it's boring.

He's old enough to do his own thing while you do yours.

You’re not wrong, apparently everything is boring. I realise I may need to rethink holidays in future and maybe invite a friend.

What had you organised as activities for the week? Did he have much input in planning it? Going forwards I would see if he wants to bring a friend.

Another angle - do you have different ideas of what is restful and restorative? Fir you that might be long walks and activities, for him it might be hanging about relaxing and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that

Leave him at home all day then 🤷🏼‍♀️ he will be fine. Maybe even bored and actually want to go out with you the next day.
I wouldn't have expected DS to enjoy a Devon beach dog walking holiday with me at that age. We did holidays just me and him but they involved plenty of downtime by the pool and more fun things than beach walks, sorry!

What were the plans for him to do in Devon? Beach walks with adults only and a dog with no one else his age is not most teens idea of fun.

Did you discuss with him beforehand what activities were planned or what he would like to do ? We did a road trip with our ds12 last year I knew there were bits of it he wouldn’t massively enjoy so we factored in a theme park visit for the last bit of the trip . It is an awkward age maybe a compromise , you can stay in til 1/2pm then it’s rest of the day out , let him choose a restaurant for the evening maybe ?

Will he do things with you in the accommodation? Board games? Card games?
Could you bribe him with, for example, a morning at the beach then a trip to the cinema and then he picks where to go for dinner?
Alternatively I would let him stay in or, if you really don’t want to leave him, you and DH take turns staying in with him while you do things you like.
And yes maybe next time let him bring a friend, or go away with another family?

Yup, been there.

Just be glad you didn't make the mistake I did, which was paying £££ to have the exact same experience abroad

What does he enjoy doing op? Could you book an activity like climbing, a boat trip, horse riding, a helicopter ride, mini golf, off-roading. Cinema has always worked with my kids especially if I fork out for the cinema popcorn and cola. It's not the same bringing your own apparently. I'd leave him be in the cottage for some of the time, force him to go on some shortish walks and have a couple of activities booked. I've got two kids and buying and playing a new boardgame is a bit of a tradition. My kids love an aquarium. https://www.national-aquarium.co.uk/

I would leave him at home for a morning/afternoon and try not to let them spoil the holiday.

Getting them out for food usually works for mine.

Ugh. I remember a hellish week in Wales with DS13 and 11. Everything was boooring. It was like being away with Kevin & Perry!

Pretty normal phase for teenagers unfortunately.
Next time outline minimum expectations before you go. Leave him chilling at home some of the time and insist he comes out with you sometimes, try and find stuff he will agree to do.

Has he got his phone or any other tech on him?

I would personally be taking that away and telling him in no uncertain terms to behave himself 🤷‍♀️

Where in Devon are you op. Just to think of things he might like to do.
The weather is going to be dry and sunny the next couple of days which is a novelty in itself.

Change your expectations, leave him in the holiday house. Learn from this for the next holiday.

You need to think of things that interest him. Our week away with 13yo last week included swimming, rapids, bowling, high ropes, zip lines and safari park. Yes Longleat, people might guess.
Kids needs were met, so at other times we did walks and bird watching. And I wouldn't of entertained any moaning!

Can you find something he actually wants to do? Even if not your choice

Did he want to come on the holiday? I am not suggesting obvs that you could have left him at home, but is it his choice too? I recall the last bucket-and-spade holiday we all went on – DC were similar ages and although no one moaned, it was clear we had outgrown the holiday type.

So maybe that's a thought for next time. In the meantime, what does he like to do? What does he want to do?

One good way to help is to suggest some things you could do so as to give him some options to choose from (easier than "what do you want to do") – does he want to:

• Go to a theme park
• Go kayaking
• Go surfing
• Have £5 and buy a load of fave sweets and sit and watch a movie with you

Or whatever obvs, depending on what there is there.

A 13yo doesn't want to go for a walk on the beach, sorry. But you can for sure leave him for a few hours while you go and do your stuff. Then support him to do what he wants.

What a fun time that will be for everyone 🙄

DD once had The Face for a 10 day holiday - she was 14 and helped choosing the holiday.

Just go out without him, he'll be fine.

What is the "lot of stuff" going on?
Maybe this is his way of wanting to deal with it.
Maybe he doesnt want to be around anxiety or grief or ??