Any positive stories for those thst did badly at school but things worked out in the end?

[Biscuitqueen9636]

My son is in year 10. He absolutely HATES, HATES!!! school and eveything about it apart from being with friends.
Outside of school he is fine , follows our rules , doesn't get into trouble, has a lot of friends and is popular, he is a nice person, adults and children of all ages enjoy his company and he would make a fantastic pe teacher or something like that.
But .....he is going to fail all of his gcses and even potentially be suspended etc before then if he carries on the way he is going. He is quite a negative, insecure person, and as the years have gone on hes been put in lower and lower sets and now he is in bottom set for everything which he is embarrassed about. He genuinely finds the work difficult. Instead of knuckling down and trying his best for the last 2 years of school hes decided hes going to act the clown, not do any home work or revision and gets in to trouble everyday for messing about.
How do we help him with this situation? When we try to talk to him about it he doesnt want to listen . I know it's because hes overwhelmed and thinks hes going to fail so what's the point?
His teachers rightly so are sick of him so are not sympathetic. Plus he doesnt tell them or show them hes overwhelmed.

My other kids aren't like this and my husband and I were straight A students so find it hard to relate.
How can we help him and does he have a chance to turn this around once he leaves school?

Could he be dyslexic? Dyspraxic? ADHD?

both my eldest children went undiagnosed even though raised with schools.. one was diagnosed within weeks of starting uni and the other was diagnosed but via their workplace.

Eldest were quite a disruptive child in classes mainly due not being able to focus/get it.. other has dyslexia, dyspraxia and has recently at 23 been diagnosed autistic however masked at school (so hid all issues in front of teachers/friends)

like I say we had flagged some issues but were dismissed!

I have a friend who failed every GCSE. He started a flooring business - carpet, tiles, vinyl, ceramic etc. He just measures the jobs, prices them, supplies the materials and he has a team of fitters that work as sub contractors. I’ve lost count of the number of properties he now owns as a landlord…he has a great lifestyle!

Most people’s lives end up ok in the end. His will too

I taught in a further education college and saw many students like your son go on to success in different ways. All will have to continue English and Maths at some level. Vocational courses might suit him/interest him. Some students gain qualifications and increased confidence to pursue an academic route and A levels. My husband taught for the Open University for twenty years. Plumbers studying maths to degree level, over 5 or 6 years, while still working would be an example. We still see an Openreach engineer who loves his job but studied maths to degree level as a hobby.
We all find our niche. But, a caring teacher in a school can really help if they are told he is overwhelmed.

Meant to say that lots of schools use volunteer mentors to meet pupils like your son. They are from lots of walks of life but sit and listen to student problems etc. And liaise. Maybe your son’s school can offer this.

This! 100000000% Agree

My final school report said I was lazy, careless, slapdash and hasty.

I travelled the world in my job working for a senior Government Minister.

He’s scared of being laughed at for being ‘thick’, so he doesn’t work and acts the fool so people are laughing with him, not at him. He needs to find something he is interested in and work at that.

I barely turned up at school in 5th year. I scraped 5 O levels in 6th form. I wanted to train to be a nurse so realised I needed to get my head down and study. I excelled at being a nurse. Totally loved it. Made sister after a few years. Went on to be a Health care manager and gained 2 first class degrees in Health and social care. Point is it’s never too late. I like to think we all find our niche. Study and academia does not suit everyone at such a young age.

I did well at junior school and I hated senior school. Came out with nothing to speak of but then ended up getting A levels a few years later and 2 honours degrees and qualified as a registered nurse. Went on to get a post graduate certificate. I just had to find my way. Hope your son finds his. X

Does he have a part time job? That might help build his self esteem. DH left school with art o level and is most likely dyslexic but runs a successful business now and has an incredible work ethic due to working, in some capacity, since he was 11. If he’s not going to come out of school with pieces of paper he needs to come out with self confidence, drive and a willingness to work. That will make him employable and trainable.

It sounds like he is acting up because he is finding it hard . It is safer to play the clown and not do the work than risk getting it wrong

Sending support xx my son is slightly younger but sounds a similar tale when it comes to the academics - he was diagnosed very late as having dyslexia, dyscalculia and dysgraphia (way more to it than messy handwriting) - but do get it looked into as he would be entitled to extra time/scribe/laptop - whichever works best for him in exams and ‘the now’. We’ve had to go the route of ‘school isn’t for everyone- sometimes you’ve got to get through it’, he’s worked out 2 goals for employment and he knows what he’s got to do to get there which has helped a little. Luckily (touch wood) we haven’t had any behaviour issues as yet. My husband didn’t do well in his GCSEs moreso through lack of trying and messing about. He got a trades job straight from school and has owned his own business for 15 years. I’ll be honest the trade he’s in is very physical and he does encourage my son not to do the same and to work smarter not harder- especially after a cold wet day or when his back is hurting 😅 but he’s done alright! School just isn’t for everyone. Remember that there are GCSE equivalents that depending on what he wants to do - could be even more useful. He will probably be doing some of those with the vocational training x

A very long time ago now, but DH messed about at school and left with zero qualifications. His (very academic but totally awful) Dad kicked him out at 17 him due to his being a “massive failure and an embarrassment ”.
Most importantly, DH is a thoroughly decent person but he’s also very successful and in the top 1% of earners. His dad is still alive and still can’t quite work it out 🤣🤣
School didn’t suit DH at all. Work did.

My DS really struggled at school, was diagnosed ADHD in year 8 and ASD in year 9. He moved to college for years 10/11, he was much better there then school but unfortunately only got 3s in Maths & English (only a few marks off a 4) but was so worn down by the whole education system he refused to resit.
He spent his first year after school labouring but saved up enough for driving lessons and a car soon as he was 17.
He then did another job at 18 that involved driving a 3.5T van, after a few months he said he hated the job but realised he enjoyed driving and started looking into what jobs he could do in that field (I didn’t expect many at 18!).
Any way long story short, at 18 once he had his license a year, he applied to be a bus driver, was offered jobs with two companies. He had a small melt down with the theory test but we encouraged him to resit a second time where he passed and then he passed the practical first time with the least amount of road time on his course!
He loves it now, regularly gets customer compliments and has a bit of a social media following as a young bus driver.
We really worried about where he would end up but he’s always been a good lad at heart just school wasn’t for him.
Could you work on him getting some experience outside of school, part time job etc it will give him something positive and good for his next steps.

I would get tutoring for maths and english and just focus on those.

I had tutoring for maths and weirdly enjoyed it - in a group of others not so good at maths but wanting to try, smaller quieter group, lots of calm repetition.

This is well worth a watch OP:

https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity

If he’s genuinely struggling, that’s not the issue, to get no GCSEs is quite severe. My child is SEN and special school. If he can’t access the work let him know he can do functional skills, no judgement. If he has his head screwed on there is nothing he can’t achieve regardless of GCSEs. His attitude to others and disrespect for the teachers is a problem. If he’s on the verge of getting suspended it must be bad. This won’t be tolerated in the real world. Do you think his boss will tolerate him taking the piss and not doing work?

I don’t believe for a second he is perfectly behaved elsewhere but is completely oblivious to the disruption he is causing at school and how much it is hurting others. If he did, he wouldn’t do it!

I totally agree, DD is bright but not academic. After mediocre but passable GCSEs she got a bar job, then decided she wanted to work in aviation through armed forces. Couldn’t find what she wanted in RAF but joined Royal Navy as aircraft engineering technician. Halfway through phase 2 and were so proud, she’s now 21

There’s a lot to be said about the armed forces, I know it’s tough and not for everyone but dd is thriving in the Royal Navy

My daughter is very keen to join the Army. She has always wanted to be an Army officer.

@Biscuitqueen9636 I know others have suggested it but I’m going to as well. Your DS sounds exactly like mine was in year 10 (and really from year 8) . He was diagnosed with ADHD about 8 months ago and is now on medication. It’s been a complete turnaround around for him. He used to get an average of 2 detentions a day for messing around, not concentrating chatting with mates, being late to lessons, forgetting everything. He now gets 1 every few weeks. He’s really engaged at school and cares about what he gets in his GCSEs. Willingly does homework and had moved up from foundation in maths and science. I feel bad that I thought he was just messing around all that time. My focus was on DD who is autistic and ADHD.

The school won’t pick up on it or suggest it (in my own and others’ experience) . 2 things were what made me investigate further. One was that absolutely no consequences worked or had any impact (which now makes sense) and a call home from one teacher who has been teaching for 30 years and ‘strongly advised’ I get him assessed.

I’d look into it if I were you

Tell her to go for it, there are so many opportunities in the armed forces. DD is training to be an aircraft engineering technician

Main Board next month. Fingers crossed.

My 14yr old son is a nightmare at school. Think straight 3s with no effort and still refuses to put effort in to get 4s.

He's been doing a martial art since he was 5 and somehow has managed to get his coach offer him an apprenticeship when he leaves school at 16yrs. He's very lucky.