Any positive stories for those thst did badly at school but things worked out in the end?

[Biscuitqueen9636]

My son is in year 10. He absolutely HATES, HATES!!! school and eveything about it apart from being with friends.
Outside of school he is fine , follows our rules , doesn't get into trouble, has a lot of friends and is popular, he is a nice person, adults and children of all ages enjoy his company and he would make a fantastic pe teacher or something like that.
But .....he is going to fail all of his gcses and even potentially be suspended etc before then if he carries on the way he is going. He is quite a negative, insecure person, and as the years have gone on hes been put in lower and lower sets and now he is in bottom set for everything which he is embarrassed about. He genuinely finds the work difficult. Instead of knuckling down and trying his best for the last 2 years of school hes decided hes going to act the clown, not do any home work or revision and gets in to trouble everyday for messing about.
How do we help him with this situation? When we try to talk to him about it he doesnt want to listen . I know it's because hes overwhelmed and thinks hes going to fail so what's the point?
His teachers rightly so are sick of him so are not sympathetic. Plus he doesnt tell them or show them hes overwhelmed.

My other kids aren't like this and my husband and I were straight A students so find it hard to relate.
How can we help him and does he have a chance to turn this around once he leaves school?

@OhDear111 he passed his sats and was put into top sets when he went up to high school. But has been moved down and down and is now bottom set.
He had problems at primary school but not this bad. Having the same teacher all the time they got to know him and knew how to get the best out of him, which is acting like they are his friend .
He now sees all teachers as the enemy and school like a prison. He doesnt like any lessons really , but practical ones are better such as D&T, sports studies.
His biggest problem is once he comes home school does not exist to him. I cannot get him to revise or do homework. You could sit next to him for hours and he'll just stare out of the window. His writing is still very messy. He definitely doesnt listen properly in class as too busy looking around at people etc so then he doesnt understand the work

Hey ! Find something he loves. My oldest son failed his GCSEs by messing around for year 10 onwards. But he loved cooking. Went to college to learn to be a chef and studied hard - got his maths and English gcse through them as well. He left with level 3 (a level) qualifications . He has an amazing job as a chef at a local university. He’s very happy. School doesn’t suit everyone but there can be a different route. Usually they find there way eventually. I know it’s stressful but there will be something for him.

absolutely loads of guys I know did extreamly bad in school and then got trade jobs- plumbers, electricians, builders and joiners and now are very successful/ own businesses ect.
My child is only year 9 but severely dyslexic and probably won’t pass his GCSEs but I try not to worry and encourage confidence over anything else. i did pretty all right in my GCSEs but I had no confidence and have a minimum wage job. GCSEs help with the process of getting a good job but this can be achieved in many different ways.

Following with interest, my DS failed most of his GCSEs although got English and Maths did a year at college and now just in his bedroom most of the time. Me and my husband both worked hard at school and find it hard to see him rejecting opportunities going forward

Any dyslexia or dyspraxia?

Would your ds consider a BTEC in Outdoor Education? Loads of fun in outdoor activities while gaining qualifications in things line climbing and watersports?

Two of my sons were home educated because they couldn’t cope with school. We used to try force and punishment (advised by school) but quickly realised that we were then contributing to their increasingly poor mental health, so backed off and focused instead on what they needed.

We spent time helping them find passions and facilitating them. Both did work experience in different areas, and gained employable skills.
Both are now working full time, enjoying their lives. One is a higher earner than the other, and is earning more than most of his peers who managed school. Neither have found lack of qualifications a problem because they are very skilled in their own ways.

I’m not saying to HE your son, more saying that it’s not the end of the world if he gets no GCSEs. Schools have got narrower and more restrictive than they used to be, and is definitely not for everyone. More and more children are struggling now, so your son is not alone in this.

Make sure he knows you’ve got his back, make sure he feels loved and supported. Help him boost his self esteem, find things he can feel confident about and proud of himself. Give him opportunities to find interests and really follow them.

Please don’t despair, because that will rub off on him and make him feel worse about himself. At the end of the day no one can force him to enjoy school and engage, but you can make a difference for him in how you interact with him, and by seeking out alternative opportunities that will be valuable to him long term.

My very bright child had an awful time at school, school didn't suit him at all. Now, as an adult, he's highly regarded in his career and is doing well for himself.

Hi @Biscuitqueen9636

I'm very academic, A*s etc. Walked school. Gained a professional qualification at a young age. Earned fine, nothing fabulous. Hated it.

Quit. Parents had a meltdown.

Went into modelling. Earned a fuck tonne more than I ever did behind a desk. So much fun. Met incredible people. Basically a paid clothes horse, could have had the brain of an aphid, but the absolute best years of my working life, both personally and financially.

Had to quit mid 30s because you're essentially geriatric by then, and had the rest of our DC. Back in my professional role now, but less shite because I'm the boss.

I could not care one bit if they fly or crawl through their exams. Well, ok, I'd like it for their self esteem if they flew. But they could ace the lot and end up being a singer, earning millions and not needing a single a level.

If he's happy, you've done your job.

I've just had an electrician out today former pupil where I used to work. Typical bad lad, always arsing around. He works for another ex pupil who was similar-now owns a very successful plumbing and electrical business employing 5 of his mate, all scraped through gases. Has two branches and employs about 30 people.

I failed my O Grade arithmetic, yes I really am that old, and have went on to work in financial services, at management level for more than 30 years

He'll be fine. I had serious mental health problems as a child and young adult and did very badly, didn't go to university then had a baby as a single mum at 21 with few opportunities.
I did a science degree later on in life and went on to earn a big salary, buy a house and help my DS buy a house and Im very comfortable now.
He just needs to find something that interests him at some stage and he can achieve anything.

How unfortunate that you cannot be more sympathetic. Don’t hurt your head too hard when you fall off your high horse .

My cousin was the one that was always messing around in school, didn't care about doing homework or revising. Left school with few qualifications and went to work on a farm as a labourer and then started driving the tractor. Somehow ended up getting on a Wind Turbine course and now does wind turbine maintenance.

Not a job that I would have ever even thought about. I think at school there are too few options mentioned. There are the typically academic things and plumbing or building as trades and so many things are overlooked. There are so many more options out there and there will definitely be something your son is interested in.

Sat 2 A Levels just for the laugh, spent 6 years in various hospitality roles then fell on my feet as a mortgage broker in 1987. Did that for 20 years and semi-retired at 43. 15 years on I've found another career that I'm both passionate about and am very good at 😊

Sounds like me.

My parents, siblings and friends were academic and just got it. I didn't and was overwhelmed by the amount of work I needed to do just to become passable, so I didn't. Failed everything, got 'U's which in 'O' Levels is unclassified, not worth marking. I went and worked in hospitality which required me to work incredible hours. After 4 years, fed up with going nowhere, I took myself back to school and then on to university and got an honours BSc in Computer Science. My parents were very supportive during this process which helped.

What occurred or changed in me? Well, after working 4 years of 60-70 hours a week in hospitality, I figured that if I put those hours into learning I would pass any exam. I realised that (i) not everyone develops or learns at the same rate - who says you should be at a particular level at the age of 16, 18 or 20. (ii) some people have to work harder than others to get to the same place - life isn't always fair (iii) nothing succeeds like hard work (iv) I was better than pulling pints.

I'm now in the top 1%, out earned all my school friends and my siblings. Not too shabby.

Just as an aside.... What would I do now bearing in mind AI and its potential impact on knowledge based roles? I would go back to school to gain sufficient qualifications so I could gain entry into an engineering based training position with the services, an airline or similar organisation. High skill, transferable to other industries once trained, not replaceable by AI.

Following as I currently have one of these! Some great stories ☺️.

Being in the bottom set is tough OP. I hated school, was in the bottom set for everything, hardy went in, misbehaved, kicked out before my GCSE’s. In my 40’s I got a first class honours degree in a subject I loved which lead to a career I love. Had a lot of fun beforehand too doing various jobs and travelling. I would just be very clear with basic rules / expectations such as he has to work, study or volunteer (or any mixture of those) full time hours. He’ll find his way.

My husband left school at fifteen with nothing, then got two degrees, passed his driving test first time, got married, had four children and got a professional qualification, all in his 40s.

(It was meeting me that did it!)

Love this!

My friends eldest. Loathed school as a teen, never out of trouble there (though always authority/rudeness/disruption, nothing violent or criminal). Left at 16 for an electricians apprenticeship. Immediately better, but was very young to have access to an apprentice’s income. Started getting into more dubious stuff, not really performing on the apprenticeship, and was thrown off it. But he was just old enough to save himself. He went back to his boss, begged for his place back, admitted he’d screwed up. They gave him another chance, he knuckled down and completed it. Got his ticket a few years later. These days he is in his early/mid 20s, self employed, fiancée, baby he adores, works all the hours, bought a house he’s done up himself.

Some kids just hate being teenagers and under others’ control. Tbh I did as well even though I was academic etc. I think you’ve done right to step back.

Of 5 siblings 2 went to Oxbridge, 1 Russell gp, 1 other uni, one stopped education after GCSE. In the trades, doing v well, more money than the rest of us.

Our youngest son hated school, it was just a means to socialise. He somehow scraped through his GCSEs and got a place on an engineering course at a local college.
He loved it, we went along to an open day in his first year and the tutor took us aside and said he wished all of his students would be as conscientious and apply themselves as well as our son.

After that he got a 3 year apprenticeship with a multinational engineering company and he gained an HNC. He was then headhunted by another multinational and is mainly office based with some site work and it also allows him to wfh once a week. He has a nice car, a football season ticket, holidays abroad twice a year and earns just a little less than his older brother who is a secondary school teacher.

It really is a matter of them finding something that interests them.
There’s so much expectation now that kids will go to university but it’s not for everyone. We’ve recently moved house so not sure what our new neighbours do for a living but thinking about where we used to live our old neighbours with the biggest houses were the ones with a trade. The electrician, the carpenter, the train driver!

My son is also having a really rough time. It’s great to hear the positive stories on here.

DH hated school. Left with very few GCSEs, went to technical college to be an electrician. After a couple of years as an apprentice he joined the forces. 7years in the forces and he left for an engineering role where he now earns over £70k a year and has completed a degree.
Not everyone will be able to do that but sometimes it takes time to find their focus. The forces have pros and cons but it was the making of DH.