15 yr old son has broken full length huge mirror

[sweetpea6002]

Hello
my eldest son kicked our full length huge mirror and it’s now broken. Heavy wooden frame, sits on living room floor and leans against the wall.

I’m so upset.

backstory…a screen time argument… my kid had been on the PS5 the whole morning, some of it with his brother. I asked him to switch it off and go for a walk or go outside for a while after lunch. He hurt his ankle a week ago and is supposed to be limiting walking to 20 mins. I suggested going around the block. I got told I am so controlling, other kids don’t have screen time limits, his life is so terrible because of this etc etc.
think I’m especially upset because yesterday my wing mirror got stolen whilst I was in the car, and I’ve had a parking ticket too. So a lot of costs when I’m finding it v hard financially atm.

I do think he should contribute towards the mirror getting fixed.

feeling v low.

any advice on how to move on? Thanks so much.

Rubbish! She is treating him like the -5 year old child he is. He is 15 not 18. There is a reason 15 year olds are not considered adults - because they are not yet mature enough and still need parenting. Some 15 year olds might not need kicking off their devises to go and exercise, others do. Both are NORMAL for 15 year olds. What is not acceptable is his violent outburst and breaking the mirror.

Oh and by the way I don’t think telling a teenager to go outside is in any way similar to treating him like a toddler. Correct me if I’m wrong but it would surely be rather neglectful parenting to send a toddler outside unsupervised?

Why did you bother making the comparison with your husband then, rather than your 15 yo son?

"doing as he pleased so long as he was working hard at school, getting exercise and socialising"

If you read the OP she was trying to get him to go outside after a full morning gaming. So should she let him "do as he please"? or should she make sure he's exercising?

Damn. If I did that at 15, my behind would be buried in the ground😭

This
otherwise there are no consequences for his actions

Why did you have a mirror leaning against the wall instead of screwed to it? As a small child, a long mirror like that fell over onto my foot and broke some of the bones. My foot has been crooked all my life because of it. Don't even think about buying another one until you are prepared to be responsible enough to fasten it to the wall.

So glad that I’m not the only one more concerned about a huge glass mirror leaning against a wall in a house with teenagers. Nothing to do with aggressive outbursts but just general lack of spacial awareness that accompanies puberty. Childproofing your home is essential until they move out.

DS took out our glass light fitting while lifting weights. He’s 6’3” and miscalculated his reach after a growth spurt. The same evening he accidentally went through the fence while playing football with the dog. Teenage boys are accidents waiting to happen. Hyper fuelled with huge levels of testosterone and prone to outbursts. But they also don’t know their own strength.

Yes, he should pay for the mirror but prepare yourself for further damage. DS was the calmest and well behaved preteen but when the testosterone kicked in he punched holes in walls ( plasterboard) and slammed doors. He mainly channelled it all through sport but Covid hit when he was 15 so for a while there was no outlet.

When he hit 18 it stopped and we decorated his bedroom. I made him watch YouTubes to find out how to repair the damage and he did a fantastic repair job.

Now he just costs me a fortune in food and occasional car repairs. He uses the spare car when he’s home from uni. So far he’s been rear ended and hit a deer. Neither was his fault. The latest repair is a puncture sustained on his way home from a rugby match on Saturday. We were going to use the car to take him back to uni straight after the match so he could drive down and I would drive back. I now have to either change the tyre to take it for repair or get a mobile tyre fitter.

Op get used to things getting expensive boys are a walking disaster area at times.

very good

@FrodoBiggins

Sorry it's not normal to be telling a 15 year old to go outside.

It is perfectly normal for them to spend a morning gaming with a sibling on a wet day.

I’d be banning him from gaming for a week min and ensuring he pays for the mirror, not just contribute.

Indeed.

This would not fly in my house.
The PS5 would be sold without warning or discussion to replace the mirror.
And I'd be clear any more bullshit and life will get a more difficult for everyone.

Upon discovery the discussion would be its clearly bad for his temper / mood amd as he cant regulate himself properly its been removed.

Any more pushback or breakages and there would be no pocket money, any clothes that need replacing would be "non embarrassing" but boring AF. Think plain black joggers, plain t shirts from m&s or similar.

You can get it reglazed cheaper than a new one. But he should pay for it.

If be livid. Totally unacceptable behaviour from him, whether your request was reasonable or not.

In cases like this he my kids were that age I use the approach of sitting down with them

• tell them clearly how you feel (angry and upset that he's deliberately broke your stuff)
• ask him how he'd feel if you deliberately broke his stuff
• ask him what he thinks is a reasonable punishment / redress (you'd be amazed at what they suggest)
• if he still thinks he's done nothing wrong then give him 2 options

A) we sell games console to pay for new mirror B) he pays for and arranges repair (you take him to local glazing co

One of the whole points of discipline is to hep kids understand what's acceptable and what's not, how their behaviour affect others, to gain empathy and the ability to see others' perspectives and to understand that there are consequences for our actions. Punishment is just part of the follow-up
In instances like these.

@itsmeafterall

You don't think 15 year olds are going to react unreasonably to an unreasonable order?

Op just wanted him to get fresh air and a break from gaming, perfectly reasonable. He responded with violence. Maybe in 10 years time his wife will be asking for advice on Mumsnet as my 'DP smashes things when he doesn't get his own way'....

This is just how it starts and it needs nipping in the bud, hard,

100% this. I don't know why OP even feels she needs to make a thread about this. The solution is clear.

@MinnieCauldwell

It is totally normal for a 15 year old to spend a morning gaming with his brother on a wet day, though.

It is totally micromanagey and infantilising for his mother to then order him outside like a toddler.

Id be cancelling all Internet activity in the house until the mirror had been replaced. I wont tolerate any violence in my house and any further aggro Id call the police. I have zero tolerance for it.

I didn’t say that. 15 yo are unpredictable, unreasonable and not fully formed emotionally , so we as adults should sometimes expect the unexpected and that might result in a wild overreaction to a simple request//suggestion - as in this case.

but it’s definitely not OK for DC to react like this - even if he thinks it’s an unreasonable request (I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request by OP btw). It’s our job as parents to help our kids to regulate their reactions and understand that smashing things up isn’t ok however cross they might be.

Take the PS5 off him. You don’t get to act like that and still have the privilige of playing on it. Clearly it’s bad for his mood and brain. You could even sell it to pay for the mirror.

@itsmeafterall

Sorry, it is clearly unreasonable to order a 15 year old outside.

They shouldn't be having how they spent their time directed by parents to such an extent at that age.

No wonder so many young adults now struggle to be independent if they are used to being micromanaged to such a degree!

I will also say I'd have been fuming and fuming if my mum tried to order me outside at 15!

I don't think many of us would have put up with it at that age.

Ah that's cool then fine to smash up her stuff

7 years bad luck unfortunately, enough of a punishment I'd think.

On a serious note though, you really need to have a calm discussion about his temper. That's a very bad way to behave.

Just another note about the mirror against the wall. I believe a few years ago a toddler was killed in a shop when he played with an unsecured mirror.

@FrodoBiggins

Of course not, but teens do not to be able to advocate for themselves when they are being micromanaged to such an extent.