DD 17 in a secret relationship with 29 year old man

[connie26]

Should I be worried? She seems to really like him and he does seem nice. I know DH wouldn't be happy if he found out.

Exactly this

There is a good thread over asking how many men would chase after 17 year olds referencing Virginia Giueffre and Prince Andrew to give context on how people feel about it more generally. I think no matter what the situation there will always be a power imbalance in these relationships.

I met my husband at 19, he was 28. We’ve been together over 30 years. I’d say no to my now 19 year old though. Too young for such a wide age gap, not for those reasons but you have different ideas, things you enjoy, thoughts etc. you need time to grow into yourself and your own person. I was happy but I would advise against it at that age

Highly inappropriate. A grown man going out with a teenager.

Maybe I missed a bit, but would depend on circumstances.

Is the 29 year old a teacher, former teacher of hers, or someone she has known for a while?

If not, then would think about how many months she has to be 18? Is she more 16 than 18?

While I get that you want her ti keep talking to you, don't think keeping it from her dad is a great idea - if he finds out later that you've been keeping it from him, it could get messy.

But at the same time, she should be the one to tell him as it's the secret part that's a massive concern.

This is a horrible situation for you and a really difficult one to manage. A man of that age dating a teenager is digusting. It says everything about the sort of person he is. Sounds like she’s been well and truly groomed by him.
Is he her superior at work?
It says everything that it’s her worried about losing her job and not him.

There will be zero common ground between them just a huge imbalance in power and life experience.

If they stay together he won’t want her going off to uni as no man in a relationship with a teenager is going to have a healthy ego and is likely to be controlling.

@connie26I get that you don’t want to push her away but you also cannot validate and give your approval for this. She needs to see you trying to protect her and hold firm whilst making it clear you love her, always will and you want her to trust you and be able to come to you.
She may not want this now but in the future she may look back and appreciate this.

Keep talking about healthy relationships, power, respect and positivity.

As for not telling her dad, I think this is wrong and again helps keep this hidden which will do her no favours.

If you tell him, explain to your daughter first that he needs to know and It’s not fair on you to have to hold this worry alone.

Then you take responsibility for talking to him. Make it absolutely clear he can’t go off on one at her or the creepy sex pest because it will make things worse.

He can’t be acting the big man and trying to white knight the situation as the last thing she needs is him exploding and causing a drama.

I think you need to understand what the definition of a paedophile actually is as you do the discussion no favours throwing that term around.

Sorry but it shouldn’t. It doesn’t matter whether a relationship works in the long term when it started in such a way. And the women who met their husband as teens have absolutely nothing to compare it to which is also risky. How do you recognize a healthy relationship if you possibly have never had one.

Sorry for delayed reply, just wanted to thank you for your helpful opinions and advice about this. She's still snogging him and I do think it's gone further. She's also said it won't last. I keep talking to her about it and she knows how I feel. I still can't bring myself to tell DH yet though.