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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What age to travel alone by train to a city to meet friends

47 replies

Mandarinaduck · 01/10/2025 20:40

My DD is just turning 15 and is invited to travel to a large city and find her way to a meeting point about 20 mins walk from the station to meet friends. Would you say this is OK? She takes local public transport (bus) but has never gone into a further away town by train before.

If yes, what conditions would you insist on? NB the meet up is in the daytime.

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 01/10/2025 20:58

As long as she is meeting friends she knows (as opposed to someone she has met on-line), I wouldn't have any problem with this.
I'd remind them to make sure their phone is charged and they'd be away.

Google maps makes navigating easy, although I'd encourage them to have a look at the route before they set off.

Octavia64 · 01/10/2025 20:59

Yes.

mine were doing a journey like that to school 5 days a week from 13.

Lamelie · 01/10/2025 21:03

Mine were from 11 bus train and tube to school (not one journey, between the three of them and a variety of routes)
Charged phone, find friends on.

blankcanvas3 · 01/10/2025 21:04

Assume she has a phone? DS was doing similar to this at 15, but I do track his location and he has to check in with me regularly. His curfew was 9pm at that point

Original poster
Mandarinaduck · 01/10/2025 21:05

The train journey is around 40 minutes and the it's a big city where she has never been.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mandarinaduck · 01/10/2025 21:05

PS thanks for the responses.

OP posts:
blankcanvas3 · 01/10/2025 21:06

Mandarinaduck · 01/10/2025 21:05

The train journey is around 40 minutes and the it's a big city where she has never been.

don’t suppose you could do a trial run with her first?

youalright · 01/10/2025 21:08

Train is fine I'd be concerned about the 20 minute walk in a city she's never been to before could she get a taxi

Notanotherusername25 · 01/10/2025 21:10

It would depend on the city for me.

London versus smaller cities for example.

StewkeyBlue · 01/10/2025 21:11

I wouldn’t have any concerns about this if they are of average competence and common sense.

I would encourage her to memorise the route, street names etc, from the station, rather than walk along with her phone in her hand.

And don’t insist on constant check ins and updates.

Honestly this is an entirely normal sort of thing for a 14 / 15 yo to do.

CarpetKnees · 01/10/2025 21:11

Mandarinaduck · 01/10/2025 21:05

The train journey is around 40 minutes and the it's a big city where she has never been.

As in, 'she's never been to a City' or as in 'she hasn't been to this particular city' ?

Because a normal 15 year old should be able to navigate in a place they don't know, but I'm now wondering if you have a child who lives somewhere really remotely and has somehow got to 15 without visiting a City ?

FrauPaige · 01/10/2025 21:14

It sounds like you have three firsts:

First time in this particular city
First time travelling 40 mins by train
First time going to a city by herself

Do a dry run? Perhaps from the station to meeting point in the city? This way she will know what the exits look like and how to navigate out of the station. Waterloo station, for example, is quite a confusing station with it's multiple connections, transport systems, and multiple exits.

The other two are manageable by herself.

Lolamills · 01/10/2025 21:15

At 16 I got a train from Cornwall to Leeds and met a boy (I didn’t tell my parents about that part) oops.

We’ve been married for nearly 14 years now, so they have forgiven me haha!

but your daughter will be absolutely spot on, be on hand on the phone to help her navigate if she needs it, but hopefully it will build her confidence and independence. It certainly did for me x

Original poster
Mandarinaduck · 01/10/2025 21:16

blankcanvas3 · 01/10/2025 21:06

don’t suppose you could do a trial run with her first?

Show quote history

This would put my mind at rest but unfortunately I don't have time to arrange to do a trial run together. I think I'm going to have to say no to it on this occasion as I still don't feel comfortable even reading the responses which take a different view. She is only turning 15 around now.

It's a major metropolis on the same scale as London but not in the UK. She has never visited this particular city before.

We live in a medium-sized city but she tends to stick to our side of town where school and friends are.

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 01/10/2025 21:17

don’t suppose you could do a trial run with her first?

Jesus, talking about mollycoddling your kids.

She'll be fine OP. You need to let her find her wings. Make sure - tell her! - to have her phone charged and keep away from any creeps coming on to her.

FFS, I was hitchhiking at 16. Never did me any harm, including in Kenya at the age of 30.

I despair how adult children are now being pampered and petted to be unable to find their own strengths in life.

InTheMountainsThere · 01/10/2025 21:20

CarpetKnees · 01/10/2025 20:58

As long as she is meeting friends she knows (as opposed to someone she has met on-line), I wouldn't have any problem with this.
I'd remind them to make sure their phone is charged and they'd be away.

Google maps makes navigating easy, although I'd encourage them to have a look at the route before they set off.

This.

One of mine did this regularly from 13, but they were "real life" friends whose parents I knew somewhat and whose contact details I had, not online "friends" who might have been adults pretending to be teenagers online. We'd also done the full journey (which included a walk and a change of train) together several times in the previous months.

We also shared location tracking which came in useful once when he phoned not knowing where he was, having missed a turn on return walk back to the station, and for some reason his own navigation wasn't updating on his phone but his location was on mine, so I could talk him through.

Who she is meeting is what matters - if they are teenagers she knows well in real life and who you're happy with her meeting, then the journey alone is completely fine as long as it's during the day.

TwistyTurnip · 01/10/2025 21:20

Mandarinaduck · 01/10/2025 20:40

My DD is just turning 15 and is invited to travel to a large city and find her way to a meeting point about 20 mins walk from the station to meet friends. Would you say this is OK? She takes local public transport (bus) but has never gone into a further away town by train before.

If yes, what conditions would you insist on? NB the meet up is in the daytime.

It depends very much on which city we are talking about. London, Manchester, Birmingham for example? No way.

Original poster
Mandarinaduck · 01/10/2025 21:21

TwistyTurnip · 01/10/2025 21:20

It depends very much on which city we are talking about. London, Manchester, Birmingham for example? No way.

Show quote history

Yes this kind of thing.

I probably would have gone to my local small city at that age but not to London.

OP posts:
maudelovesharold · 01/10/2025 21:22

Are they converging on this city from all different directions? No opportunity for her to travel with others or meet up at the arrival station in the city?
How keen is she to do it?

suburberphobe · 01/10/2025 21:25

By the way, hitchhiking in Kenya was with an Australian woman I met. We had a right laugh - I had a tent - we were given a lift by a lorry driver, a bank director in his Mercedes, a couple of Italian nuns.

Most people climb Mount Kenya, we hitchhiked around it. Utterly beautiful waking up and seeing the sun rise above it.

Ah, memories....! 😍

RawBloomers · 01/10/2025 21:28

By 15, absent any additional needs, I’d hope she was capable of this. In a little over 1000 days she’s going to be an adult and traveling on a train, meeting up with friends, these are not normally dangerous activities or ones that carry adult responsibility. First time things are scary to us as parents but we need to be letting them get to adulthood by the time they’re adults and that means giving them some freedom long before they get there.

Agree with PP re: real life friends v. Online only friends. Presumably she has a smart phone and can read google maps? If not I’d make sure she had a pocket paper map of the city and could use it. Can she read a train timetable? Does she know an alternative way home if trains are cancelled? Does she know your number by heart in case she loses her phone?

My conditions would be pretty much the same as when my kids go out locally - when are they coming back? If they don’t know then phone by 6 (maybe different depending on last train home) with an update. If plans change call as soon as they know. Back by 10 on a week night, 11 at weekends unless agreed otherwise (which we generally do but requires knowing where they are, what they’re doing and with whom). But I have no reason to think my kids would push their luck or deliberately make risky choices (I.e. they haven’t yet). If they had form I’d be more conservative

SabrinaDontYouKnowDevin · 01/10/2025 21:30

I think it's sad for her if you say no

everyone has to start somewhere with independence. She's old enough to get herself about. Why not download find my friends on your phone so you can see where she is?

seems a bit mean to say no to her at 15. I was getting the train to London and Manchester at that age (I live in Surrey)

Seeline · 01/10/2025 21:34

She's 15!

DS was getting a train and a bus to and from school in our local town at 10.
Both DS and DD were travelling into London with friends at 12/13.

A 15 yo should be able to manage a straight train journey and walking into the city centre.

waterrat · 01/10/2025 22:45

My 13 year old could and has done similar.

We live an hour from London he has travelled in ..used the tube etc

Honestly what would be the concern ?

NestEmptying · 02/10/2025 07:30

DD would do this at 15 in London. I was worried at first but it was fine. I made sure she had a fully charged phone and power bank, enough money, prepaid tickets and my mobile number in her head just in case her phone got lost.
She loved it! Get her to do a Google street view walk through of the route. Identify the main landmarks etc.