What age to travel alone by train to a city to meet friends

[Mandarinaduck]

My DD is just turning 15 and is invited to travel to a large city and find her way to a meeting point about 20 mins walk from the station to meet friends. Would you say this is OK? She takes local public transport (bus) but has never gone into a further away town by train before.

If yes, what conditions would you insist on? NB the meet up is in the daytime.

Presumably she has a phone. She can use google maps and call her friends if she gets separated, and can call you. If you have location sharing you can see where she is. Get her to take a power bank with her as teens will rinse their batteries without thinking. Otherwise, she's 15, relax.

Yeah around 15 my daughter started a 40 train to big city for football etc. just make sure they know how to use google maps

I would have thought from 13. At 16 you could be at university in Scotland so 15 is late to be unable to walk 20 minutes in a strange place. Have a look at route on Google maps and maybe even street view, let her enjoy building confidence and independence.

This is exactly what 15 year olds should be doing. Lots of children travel into school in London from the suburbs from 11 on their own. I think year 9 is normal age for leisure trips into big cities, including London. By year 10, it should be a given they can do this in daytime.

I would allow this, if she’s keen. You could sit together and look at the rout3 on street view before she goes, to reassure you. But you have to let her grow up.

She is more than ready.

I was a very sheltered teenager. When I was 16 I took my first flight, alone to Australia.

No phone, no way to message and no way for my parents to know what was happening.

I would have serious concerns if a 15 year old wasn’t capable of getting a train on their own.

I think it's okay at that age. But if she isn't streetwise or used to big cities, I might help her a bit. Look at the walk from the station on Google street view a few times. Make sure her phone is charged 100% and maybe if you have an app to track where she is, turn that on for the day. I might even go with her until almost at the meet up if that is possible. (But DC were autistic so needed a bit more help maybe than other children would, to navigate social situations and finding there way around.)

Do you know the friends at all?

Thank you for this, yes I'd prefer to accompany her part-way on the route but unfortunately I can't. Actually the whole location is rather new to us so she is not familiar with the departure station (which is already quite large with around 10 platforms) any more than the arrival city. We have never really travelled by train as have not needed it in the past - just local buses etc and car. It's a good idea to run through the walking part on Google street view - I hadn't thought of that.

In the meantime I think we have solved it another way.

Thanks to everyone for the perspectives, it's helpful.

I appreciate your DD hasn’t had much need for train journeys previously, but I do think it’s worth getting her familiar with travelling on her own as it’s a good way to develop independence.

My DD is 14 and I would let her do this as long as it was daytime. She will have her mobile and can ask for directions if she’s not sure.
Make sure she knows what station she needs to get off at and that her mobile is charged and she has a power pack with her.

Quite surprised at so many people saying no!

DD is 14 and has been travelling to the city by train to visit her friend for two years now (since her friend moved to the city). Her friend does meet her at the train station though, rather than DD having to walk somewhere to find her but I would be ok with her doing that during the daytime (she usually comes home on the last train with is at 10pm and I insist her friend, who is 3 years older, goes with her to the station and stays with her until she gets on the train)

You've found another way now so she doesn't have to this time but I would travel by train with her to the city sometimes with her taking the lead so she gets used to it, in case this is going to be a thing she wants to do more often, and also so that she learns how to travel by train and find her way around places.

12 I think. SE London Suburbs into central London, 30mins. I didn’t even know he had gone. Summer holidays. I was at work and called him and he told me he was at Southbank! We did have words but all was fine. I was doing the same at that age. He was with a bunch of friends and had a phone and is street wise so, although I was annoyed that he hadn’t asked permission, I let it go. He’s 20 now with a great job and lovely partner. He’s never been in any trouble or received any.
Daughter was about 14 I think. She went off to Reading festival straight after GCSEs. 25 now and having a great life. Again, never been in any trouble or experienced any.
I was in pubs at 14 South East London, central London clubs at 15. Getting the nightbus home.
Im a professional, mortgage paid off, 54yo now and I’ve never experienced any horrible encounters.
both My exH and I gave our kids the freedom to become independent. They are both thriving.
I don’t think my mum knew where I was most of the time at 15 as no mobiles then.

My kids were allowed to do that at their age. I made sure that they owned battery packs because their train tickets and debit cards are stored on their phone.

For me, 15 is more than fine, especially in the age of the mobile phone. Without going too much 'in my day', I was taking coaches the length of the country on my own at that age.

@Mandarinaduck If this is all new, then help her. No harm or shame in that. We all start somewhere at whatever age. Don't let anyone shame you for it.

I'd help her find the route using physical maps, Google map where she can see the actual footage (? I'm forgetting words here) of the journey.

If you can afford it but can't do it with her, she can still do the trial run alone even if it's to get to the location and back before that day. That way she's confident enough with where she's going and how to get there.

Also leave very early on the day and leave lots of time to find her way and for delays, etc. Remind her to be careful with her phone. She can write things down instead if necessary.

I think it can be fine, depending on the child. My DD would've been fine doing this, DS wouldn't have wanted to. If the former, find the platform, bus number, all that kind of thing in advance and write it down. (For next time - I've read the update.) Also for the return journey. It's good for their confidence and independence.

I would get her to stick with the train, bus and walking - I wouldn't have liked DD to be getting into a taxi.

Read the books Free Range Kids - and also the Anxious Generation and it will motivate you to give her more independence like this. She will be proud of herself if she manages to do this. Even if it does not go perfectly well, she will learn a few lessons.

I would talk though a few scenarios and how would she manage - if she gets lost - or looses her phone - someone weird on the train she should move away from etc.

i am going to get my son to learn my mobile number in case his phone is dead, so he can give me a call somehow if needs be.

@suburberphobecompletly agree. Hitchhiked a lot in my youth,
Who wouldn’t let a 15yo get a train?
I literally went from sitting my last o level in London to Cornwall to work the rest of the season. Such fun.
18yoAustralia, Canada and India.
my kids are equally as adventurous and we’re allowed to travel on the train from about 12. son wasn’t actually given permission but survived.
Both, now adult, have travelled extensively (whilst having good jobs and partners) and I hope they continue to do so.
Shouldn’t we give our children the courage to fly, rather than clip their wings?

My DS is 15 and I wouldn't blink an eye at this, and I am the mum who put my foot down to a birthday party which would have been at a theme park when he was 12 where there was going to be no adult supervision, the dad was going to take them then go off somewhere about half an hour away then come back to pick them up. So I don't think I am am particualrly lax, it just seems to me that 15 is fine for that sort of thing.

DS1 has been going up to London to see his friends since he was 11, firstly he was walked to the platform our end, and picked up by his friend's parents at the gate at the other end, texting when he arrived, then as he got older (14/15) he would get himself to the station our end, friend would meet him and they would walk back to friend's house, or go somewhere else, now at 17 he just goes up when he wants, sometimes remembers to text at some point during the day, and roams about London with various friends going to shows and whatnot.

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but then at 15 I spent a week youth-hostelling in the UK with a friend, in the days before mobile phones, and one of my DCs went off to study overseas at 16.

If this kind of independence is all a bit new and scary for you (if not for your DD) then it's time to start building it up a bit, as three or four years she may be expected to cope away from home at uni.

Definitely agree with the people saying about a charged phone - and she should take a portable charger too. I used to take the train by myself to meet friends around the same age and it was always fine