DS16 doesn’t want to come on holiday anymore

[Alwaysinamood]

We went on a lovely family holiday last month, DS16 did go the room earlier on his own in the afternoons as he has a GF now and wanted to ring her. It was lovely spending time with him even if he was a bit grumpy sometimes and short tempered. We have another holiday booked in October and he is point blank refusing to come says he doesnt want to. I feel upset about it. He has agreed to stay at his Nans for a few days and I have family next door where we live, so I ‘think’ he will be ok. Has anyone else experienced this before? He hasn’t spent anytime time with me or his DS11 other than us going away over the holidays. We watched a film together the other night and went for a family lunch but am I expecting too much? I just feel so upset like I’m loosing my baby boy!! We were always so close. I find myself pining over his baby videos and photos and photos before he turned grumpy ! ( was quite late with him, after his voice broke at 15). Just needed a vent really!

It's totally normal - he is starting to forge his independence. I managed to eek another year by asking mine what she wanted to do and going along with it totally, then gave up.

At 16 they don't get to choose, in my opinion. It wouldn't cross my 16yo DDs mind to refuse to come on a family holiday! I wouldn't have entertained it, I would have just told him he is coming because it's a family holiday, but maybe see if his girlfriend wanted to come as well (paid for by her).

At 16, I wouldn't expect t my children to have wanted to come on holiday with me. He will be fine with grandparent/family nearby.
Enjoy your holiday with your younger child, and accept your 16 year old is growing up. Your relationship will change, but you can still be close.

Some just don’t want to miss out on seeing friends and gf which are just really important to them at that age. Also at sixth form mine had lots of work to do over the holidays and wouldn’t have wanted to go away as they would have got behind and also they liked to sleep in and laze around on days they didn’t have to be at school.
I probably would insist he spends regular time with his brother even if only gaming etc because it’s hard for a younger sibling when they also ‘lose’ their best mate.

We aren’t there yet as my baby boy is 3 and so loving and sweet constantly telling me he loves me and smothering with me kisses so I’m dreading the days he doesn’t want to spend time with me 😭 but I know it’s part of growing up but I imagine it’s not easy at all!

I guess I disagree, I think it's time to start allowing them to make decisions as they move to adulthood. One day, when they are a little older, they will suddenly realise that a free holiday is a great offer!

It is quite common. Especially when they have a girlfriend. My son at 16 ended up joining us half way through a holiday due to a social occasion he refused to miss, and spent most of the time on his phone to his new girlfriend.
I think it is easy to be upset, especially if you only have one other child, as it completely changed the dynamic of a holiday. However, they are making their own lives and their peers and relationships become more important than trips with family.

I disagree with this. I think they should be allowed to chose. At this age they are figuring out what they want and who they are and making that steady transition to independence and adulthood. I think we should listen to what they want and not force it.

My DD's stopped wanting to come on holiday when they were 17 but at 16 had started to be less interested. They wanted to be home with their friends/boyfriends and not hanging out with Mum and Dad.

I know as parents we want to hold onto them as children forever and there comes a time when we need to allow them to make their own decisions over things.

Forcing them just makes for a moody teenager all week and who wants that skulking around spoiling everyone else's holiday and bringing the mood down?

This is totally normal - I was the same as a teen, couldn't stand the idea of a family holiday. He's not a baby any more, he's on his way to becoming a young man and these moves towards independence are part of that.

Sorry it’s meant to say DD11 not DS11.
I don’t want to force him into it but then feel sad that he won’t be there. He seems to be with his friends all the time now and seems bored if he stays at home, whereas he was such a home bird before and loved being at home!

My parents insisted I went on a family holiday ( 2 younger sisters) when I was almost 17, I didn’t want to go, in my teenage strop I was a complete nightmare. I hooked up with a very unsuitable young man who worked at a nearby funfair and generally spoiled things for everyone. My folks later agreed they shouldn’t have forced me.

It’s normal for them to start wanting to do their own thing but 16 seems quite young for that to happen. Our 17 year-old is camping abroad with us at the moment. He and his gf are with us for our first week then going home so it’s just DH and I for the second week. Our nearly 20 year-old is at home as she is working and didn’t have enough annual leave to join us (she has had her own holidays this year).

Both of them will be joining us for a family holiday next year by which time they’ll be 18 and 20. I think they want to make the most of having holidays paid for by us!

Perfectly normal. My adult sons now ask if they can come on holidays with us 😂
We're paying of course 🙄

My parents were of a similar view to you, and I have to say, I don't get it.

I was miserable and didn't want to be there. They were annoyed because I was miserable and nobody ended up having a good time.

You have to let them go. Can’t believe the “force them” poster! Blueprint for a holiday from hell!

Fortunately ours (both late teen) get on and really well and are luxury lovers they will happily come to sunbathe and drink cocktails at our expense! They also see their pals and boyfriends school /uni summer holidays are long enough for both.

It’s funny, the moment I turned 16 my parents didn’t even consider asking me if I wanted to go on holiday with them anymore (I was still living at home, at sixth form, etc) - they left me at home to work in their pub for them with my grandparents there. I would have loved to have gone for a couple more years!

My own kids are 20, 17 and 13. All boys. We had a family holiday abroad earlier this year that all 3 came along on (although it was our first ever holiday abroad as a family so this may also be why they were happy come - but my 20 year old has already made suggestions for next year that we could do as a family), I’ve just come back from a uk camping week with the youngest 2. So I find it surprising when someone says their 16 year old doesn’t want to go on a paid for holiday! But at that age I wouldn’t force them - but I also wouldn’t leave them home alone for a week. So they’d need to know if they don’t go on holiday, they’re stopping with grandparents or whatever. If that isn’t an option, you’d be within your rights to insist they go with you… just be prepared for a sulk.

I also remember feeling trapped on a family holiday at 17 so don’t want mine to feel that. When I said they didn’t have to come if they didn’t want to they were quite upset!

My daughter is 14 now i fully expect this to happen .I now tell her before booking a family holiday do you want to come with or stay at grandmas. I give her a choice

I have booked a holiday for next October (I know very organised!) and have booked him his own room for this which he seems happy with, and I’ve just enquired about adding his girlfriend on. Unfortunately we couldn’t do this with the holiday booked this October. Maybe his own room is the answer from now on!

Totally normal, my DS joined us at 16, but then at 17 said he didn’t want to come. However, this year at 18 he rejoined us (along with his gf) and we had a really lovely time. They were great company (not a sulky teen like the last one). So there maybe light at the end of the tunnel if you give him space.

It's completely normal that he doesn't want to come away with you. Please don't show him that you're sad or pining for when he was younger, that would be manipulative.

Ours stopped wanting to come away with us as teenagers, now they're in their late 20s they're very happy to come away with us again.

It's a funny age. One of mine got stroppy about family holidays at 15/16 .... now she's mid 20s and loves a holiday with us ... as we're paying 😀

how much the holiday is tailored to him? He might be ok to go on some holidays but not others.

Honestly, at 16, of course he needs his own room. Mine are late teens/20s, they still come on the holidays they like the sound of, if they don’t they stay home. We always ask before we book. They will always have their own room, whether self catering or in a hotel.