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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS16 doesn’t want to come on holiday anymore

80 replies

Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 08:53

We went on a lovely family holiday last month, DS16 did go the room earlier on his own in the afternoons as he has a GF now and wanted to ring her. It was lovely spending time with him even if he was a bit grumpy sometimes and short tempered. We have another holiday booked in October and he is point blank refusing to come says he doesnt want to. I feel upset about it. He has agreed to stay at his Nans for a few days and I have family next door where we live, so I ‘think’ he will be ok. Has anyone else experienced this before? He hasn’t spent anytime time with me or his DS11 other than us going away over the holidays. We watched a film together the other night and went for a family lunch but am I expecting too much? I just feel so upset like I’m loosing my baby boy!! We were always so close. I find myself pining over his baby videos and photos and photos before he turned grumpy ! ( was quite late with him, after his voice broke at 15). Just needed a vent really!

OP posts:
Tracklement · 28/08/2025 13:18

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gingercat02 · 28/08/2025 13:25

DS was 17 at the end of July and came with us in August, but he won't come next year as he wants to go with his friends.
He does want to come skiing in February not surprisingly 😅
Perfectly normal. If he's safe to leave, leave him

NewYorkSummer · 28/08/2025 13:29

Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 10:17

The holiday we went on this summer we were all in the same room. Which admittedly probably wasn’t ideal but he did have space when he went back on his own. I perhaps need to think about him a bit more as I did always enjoy us all being in the same room together.
I have managed to take him off the October holiday, but adding a room would have shot the price up a lot which we couldn’t afford this time. I’ll definitely bear this in mind for next year. I’ve asked him if there’s anywhere he wasn’t to go and just get a ‘don’t know’ in response 🙈

Show quote history

It’s nice being together when they’re young, but by 16 they’re nearly adults and I haven’t known a single one who still wants to share a room with mum and dad. As kids get older it’s more about what you all require from a holiday.

MinnieCauldwell · 28/08/2025 13:30

There's no way I would have holidayed with my parents at 16. I was in full time work and pretty much living independently. Sounds like your DS is growing up and looking for independence. This is a good thing.

youalright · 28/08/2025 13:37

I stopped going on family Holidays at 16 and stayed home and started going on holidays with my bf and friends. At that age friends and relationships are just more important.

dammit88 · 28/08/2025 13:45

I find these replies really surprising - all the 16 year olds I know still holiday with their parents. I went on holidays with my parents at that age too. I don't think it's odd to want to either! I can see the appeal of hanging out with friends etc and maybe 16 year olds don't yet appreciate the importance of family time. I really don't think its odd or abnormal for families of teenagers of this age to have them on holiday though.

I certainly wouldn't be booking for next October for a 16 years old current girlfriend though ...

maowmaow · 28/08/2025 13:46

My son told us when he was 16 last year, if he came away with us again, he’d need to bring a friend so he could have more freedom and independence.

We did exactly that this year and it was great for everyone. My husband and I spent more time together, and the boys went out themselves having a ball. We still spent loads of time together also, and it was so nice to hear them giggling away in their room and doing their own thing.

Can you ask him to invite a friend for the October holiday?

Kindly OP, this is them growing up, and we have to let them spread their wings a bit, and give them some independence

maowmaow · 28/08/2025 13:49

Oh and yes, he needs his own room at 16!! We’d still do a one off, one night in a hotel for a concert or something all together, but for a holiday, no way

CoralOP · 28/08/2025 13:50

I think I stopped getting invited at 16 tbh but I doubt I would of wanted to go.
As soon as I turned 17 I booked a holiday with my boyfriend to spain and that was the last of me going on family holidays with my family.
By 21 we were back holidaying with my boyfriends family (just because they were a more welcoming, nicer to get along with family rather than mine). So give it a few years and he might be back!

Nearly50omg · 28/08/2025 14:07

He’s a child still and until he’s old enough to either be left at home alone and trusted not to have girls over or a party etc! He does what he is is told by his parents and if that includes getting his arse on a plane for a weeks holiday then that’s what he does! YOU are the parent!!!

Chinsupmeloves · 28/08/2025 20:10

My last holiday as a family together was went i was 18 and siblings 16 and 12. I loved going away and would've been happy to be more but moved away to uni and travelled independently.

Such a shame he refuses to go, I get it, teenagers can be very selfish and don't realise they will look back and appreciate these times until much later. Xxx

TheaBrandt1 · 28/08/2025 20:53

My neighbours son refused to get in the car to go on a walking holiday in wales and miss lots of parties. Was funny at the time. He’s actually a lovely lad but no one was listening to him so he voted with his feet!

Original poster
Alwaysinamood · 29/08/2025 10:14

We have managed to take him off the holiday without being charged and it’s reduced the cost! He’s happy to stay with Nan a few days and at home, I have family close by to keep an eye on him. I’ve said he can’t be having junk food all the time though and needs to cook! (He can cook!). And spoke about next year & if there’s any places he’d like to go and play it by ear!
funny someone mentioned about people moaning about holidays with kids! It eventually comes to this😂 I spent one holiday when he was 2 chasing him round all week as he used to run off all the time 😅

OP posts:
Berlinlover · 29/08/2025 10:42

I’d be more concerned if my 16 year old son wanted to come on holiday with me, he sounds normal to me.

HostaCentral · 29/08/2025 10:53

Goodness, we can't get rid of ours, and they are in their twenties. Never ones to pass up the idea of free holidays. We always have fun together. They also go on their own holidays, but the family holiday is still an annual event.

All my friends are the same, kids all coming, and partners too if space allows, on family hols well into their late twenties.

DesperatelySeekingHelp · 29/08/2025 10:56

Luckily my 21 and 19 year olds still want to come away with us. Think it will probably be last time tho. I love their company so I don’t mind at all.

TheaBrandt1 · 29/08/2025 10:59

The rejection is a younger teen stage and is usually short lived. After the first self financed holiday she went on dd1 lost all the “Kevin the teenager” attitude about coming away with us and appreciated the all expenses paid family trip…Dd2 has recently gone the same way.

Sunnyscribe · 29/08/2025 11:21

Yes I can see why you're sad, but it is totally normal. He might be more encouraged to go if you ask if he wants to bring girlfriend (if you can afford). He's got his own life and interests now that are separate to you so allow him to bring his interest along and he may want to come then.

BrieAndChilli · 29/08/2025 12:24

maybe it is the type of holiday? My boys hate lazing around in the sun type holiday but we tend to do more active holidays - either city sightseeing or camping/hiking. Boys are 18 and 14 and DD is 17 and all still happy to come on holidays

LilacRos · 29/08/2025 12:31

I can't imagine making a 16 year old share a family room. No wonder he doesn't want to go again.
Mine had their own bedroom as little children and separate hotel rooms as teenagers.
Once they were mid teens I always offered for a friend to come. DS1 brought a gf a few times from age 17.
Now they are adults they still come on the odd UK break sometimes with partners and sometimes on their own.

xanthomelana · 29/08/2025 12:46

Trovindia · 28/08/2025 09:07

At 16 they don't get to choose, in my opinion. It wouldn't cross my 16yo DDs mind to refuse to come on a family holiday! I wouldn't have entertained it, I would have just told him he is coming because it's a family holiday, but maybe see if his girlfriend wanted to come as well (paid for by her).

So we give 16 year olds the right to vote but they are not allowed to decide if they want to come on a family holiday? Seems a bit crazy to me, as long as they have somewhere to stay with a family member I don’t see the problem. No point them spoiling it for everyone by being miserable.

Original poster
Alwaysinamood · 29/08/2025 19:07

DesperatelySeekingHelp · 29/08/2025 10:56

Luckily my 21 and 19 year olds still want to come away with us. Think it will probably be last time tho. I love their company so I don’t mind at all.

I do love his company too which is why it hurts. I’m hoping it’s a temporary thing!

OP posts:
Jackiebrambles · 29/08/2025 19:36

OP you sound lovely, but this is so normal I think and clearly you’ve done a fab job with him as he wants to be independent. I stopped going away with my parents at about 16, my sister and I stayed at home. when I was 17/18 we all went away with my parents and I took my boyfriend at the time (as did my sister). That was a good compromise.

MadKittenWoman · 29/08/2025 19:41

More fool him! DS is 25 and has a professional job in London but could never afford to go on the holidays we pay for. We always ask him if he wants to come; we like similar things, though: culture, history, scenery, walking, as well as beach.

BruFord · 29/08/2025 19:47

It’s really common at his age, they’re starting to assert their independence. DH and I had our holiday while DS (16) was on a school trip as he probably wouldn’t have wanted to come with us! DD (20) was working in her uni city this summer so she wasn’t available.

In our experience, they do seem to come around again as they get older and appreciate their parents more. DD would def. go on a family holiday when she’s available, it’s just those awkward mid-teen years when they lose interest.

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