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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS16 doesn’t want to come on holiday anymore

80 replies

Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 08:53

We went on a lovely family holiday last month, DS16 did go the room earlier on his own in the afternoons as he has a GF now and wanted to ring her. It was lovely spending time with him even if he was a bit grumpy sometimes and short tempered. We have another holiday booked in October and he is point blank refusing to come says he doesnt want to. I feel upset about it. He has agreed to stay at his Nans for a few days and I have family next door where we live, so I ‘think’ he will be ok. Has anyone else experienced this before? He hasn’t spent anytime time with me or his DS11 other than us going away over the holidays. We watched a film together the other night and went for a family lunch but am I expecting too much? I just feel so upset like I’m loosing my baby boy!! We were always so close. I find myself pining over his baby videos and photos and photos before he turned grumpy ! ( was quite late with him, after his voice broke at 15). Just needed a vent really!

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 10:13

NapoleonsToe · 28/08/2025 10:06

It's completely normal that he doesn't want to come away with you. Please don't show him that you're sad or pining for when he was younger, that would be manipulative.

Ours stopped wanting to come away with us as teenagers, now they're in their late 20s they're very happy to come away with us again.

i look at his photos and videos often and he doesn’t know about it so not sure how it can be manipulative. He’s always been very loved and I can see this with the way he treats his GF.

OP posts:
tumblingdowntherabbithole · 28/08/2025 10:14

Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 10:05

I have booked a holiday for next October (I know very organised!) and have booked him his own room for this which he seems happy with, and I’ve just enquired about adding his girlfriend on. Unfortunately we couldn’t do this with the holiday booked this October. Maybe his own room is the answer from now on!

Yeah, he definitely needs his own room.

Original poster
Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 10:17

NewYorkSummer · 28/08/2025 10:08

Honestly, at 16, of course he needs his own room. Mine are late teens/20s, they still come on the holidays they like the sound of, if they don’t they stay home. We always ask before we book. They will always have their own room, whether self catering or in a hotel.

Show quote history

The holiday we went on this summer we were all in the same room. Which admittedly probably wasn’t ideal but he did have space when he went back on his own. I perhaps need to think about him a bit more as I did always enjoy us all being in the same room together.
I have managed to take him off the October holiday, but adding a room would have shot the price up a lot which we couldn’t afford this time. I’ll definitely bear this in mind for next year. I’ve asked him if there’s anywhere he wasn’t to go and just get a ‘don’t know’ in response 🙈

OP posts:
NapoleonsToe · 28/08/2025 10:19

Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 10:13

i look at his photos and videos often and he doesn’t know about it so not sure how it can be manipulative. He’s always been very loved and I can see this with the way he treats his GF.

Show quote history

I said it would be manipulative if you showed him.

Ilovesshopping · 28/08/2025 10:19

Sounds perfectly normal. Be happy that he is finding his independence and forming his own relationships. This is exactly how it should be. You’ve done your job( and done it well by the sound of it)
As many have said, he may well want to join you for holidays in the future with his partner/family, but for now allow him to choose.

Mikart · 28/08/2025 10:21

Yes dd's last holiday with us was at 15. She had a great time at home and so did we!

Itsallovernow23 · 28/08/2025 10:21

We got to the airport and my 15 year old refused to board

TheaBrandt1 · 28/08/2025 10:24

The posters bemoaning the effort of holidaying with young children need to read this thread!

BeaLola · 28/08/2025 10:24

It's definitely his age. We only have one and are a close family but DS before last years holiday basically said he didn't want to come & wanted to stay home to meet up with friends etc. only issue is we have no family nearby and didn't want to leave him at home on his own for 2 weeks. Then at Easter he changed his mind and said he would come if his best friend could come - we booked a villa with pool and all went away together for 9 days (his Bf couldn't ho for 2 weeks) - we happily payed for it

Last Oct he also came away with us for a short 5 day break - that was as his half term started earlier than friends - we had a really good time.

This year he has a girlfriend (!) - he asked if we could do last years villa holiday with her rather than BF - we did and it had a lovely2 weeks away - we saw more of them than we thought as they were keen to eat with us at certain places, be in the pool playing games etc.

I'm waiting to see what next year brings - if he still is dating girlfriend i expect he will ask if we can do similar to this year

Beating in mind your DD has never had a holiday without her older sibling perhaps use it as an opportunity to have a lovely time 1-1 with her and perhaps do things tailored more to her interests ?

Biscuitsneeded · 28/08/2025 10:24

Entirely normal, and healthy. Don't force him to come. Instead wait till he's 19 or 20 and living on a student loan or low pay and THEN invite him on holiday. I guarantee he'll bite your hand off. We have lovely holidays with our young adult sons now, after a couple of years of them choosing to go away with friends instead.Don't squash his independence - 16 year olds deserve agency in where they go and don't go!

TeenLifeMum · 28/08/2025 10:31

I think I expected this with dd age 17 but she’s keen to keep coming despite having to share with her 2 younger sisters. I was surprised to be honest. Quite a few friends with dc at the same age are less keen. There was a very different dynamic with dd1 not engaging as much in the pool with dtds (age 14). If she didn’t want to come now I’d be okay with that (financially it would save a fortune) but it’s still a weird age to parent and I do get waves of sadness that my favourite years are behind me with our little family unit.

Original poster
Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 10:32

TheaBrandt1 · 28/08/2025 10:24

The posters bemoaning the effort of holidaying with young children need to read this thread!

It definitely goes full circle doesn’t it 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 10:32

Itsallovernow23 · 28/08/2025 10:21

We got to the airport and my 15 year old refused to board

Oh gosh!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 10:35

BeaLola · 28/08/2025 10:24

It's definitely his age. We only have one and are a close family but DS before last years holiday basically said he didn't want to come & wanted to stay home to meet up with friends etc. only issue is we have no family nearby and didn't want to leave him at home on his own for 2 weeks. Then at Easter he changed his mind and said he would come if his best friend could come - we booked a villa with pool and all went away together for 9 days (his Bf couldn't ho for 2 weeks) - we happily payed for it

Last Oct he also came away with us for a short 5 day break - that was as his half term started earlier than friends - we had a really good time.

This year he has a girlfriend (!) - he asked if we could do last years villa holiday with her rather than BF - we did and it had a lovely2 weeks away - we saw more of them than we thought as they were keen to eat with us at certain places, be in the pool playing games etc.

I'm waiting to see what next year brings - if he still is dating girlfriend i expect he will ask if we can do similar to this year

Beating in mind your DD has never had a holiday without her older sibling perhaps use it as an opportunity to have a lovely time 1-1 with her and perhaps do things tailored more to her interests ?

Thanks, yes I think she will love the attention and she hasn’t had a holiday on her own with us before. Whereas with the five year age gap her brother did.
I’ll definitely take this advice and ask closer the time and book a bit later. I have looked at villas in Croatia for next summer as a possibility with enough bedrooms for if he does want to come with his girlfriend!

OP posts:
Waitingfordoggo · 28/08/2025 10:48

@Itsallovernow23- what a nightmare. What happened in the end?

Tracklement · 28/08/2025 11:00

who is going on the holiday op?

HurtyFeels · 28/08/2025 11:04

My 16yo has complete choice whether to come on holiday with me now or not. At that age they mostly want to be hanging out with their friends and having the house to themselves is still a novelty.

heartsinvisiblefury · 28/08/2025 11:05

It’s not a nice holiday if people on the holiday don’t want to be there.

mondaytosunday · 28/08/2025 11:16

Well of course he wants to be out and about not be at home with his parents - wouldn’t you be writing a different post if it was the other way around? ‘My son doesn’t seem to want to go out and is happy just staying home all the time’. He’s growing up.

Cynic17 · 28/08/2025 11:17

Completely normal, OP. Don't you remember being 16? I would rather have chopped off my own arm than go on holiday with my parents.
You'll have a much better time without him - who wants a grumpy teen sulking all the way through their holiday?

Dellarobia · 28/08/2025 11:21

I'm currently on holiday with my teens, this year we did a 'two destination' holiday - city break followed by beach. The 15yo and 17yo were happy to come to all of it, the 19yo came to the first part and has now gone home to see his girlfriend and earn some money in his summer job.

BeaLola · 28/08/2025 11:30

I’ll definitely take this advice and ask closer the time and book a bit later. I have looked at villas in Croatia for next summer as a possibility with enough bedrooms for if he does want to come with his girlfriend!
If you are biking villa with enough space you could always book for yourselves and DD so you get the benefit probably of cheaper flights and if he wants to come nearer the time just get a flight for him

Velmy · 28/08/2025 11:49

Last time I went on holiday with my parents was when I was 14.

cupfinalchaos · 28/08/2025 11:52

At 16 my kids went on an organised tour abroad for a month. and they learnt so much about relationships and social skills.. much better for them then coming with us and hating every minute.

Now they’re in their 20’s and with partners they’re happy to come.. if we pay!

Original poster
Alwaysinamood · 28/08/2025 13:16

BeaLola · 28/08/2025 11:30

I’ll definitely take this advice and ask closer the time and book a bit later. I have looked at villas in Croatia for next summer as a possibility with enough bedrooms for if he does want to come with his girlfriend!
If you are biking villa with enough space you could always book for yourselves and DD so you get the benefit probably of cheaper flights and if he wants to come nearer the time just get a flight for him

This is my thoughts too

OP posts:
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