How do you deal with disappointing GCSE mock results?

[3oldladiesstuckinalavatory]

My bright son is startging to get his GCSE mocks results back and seems to be hovering around the 4/5 mark so far. Whist for some kids, this should be a cause for celebration, DS has done absolutely no work at all, despite being in all the top sets, and I'm really pissed off with him. I have no idea what to do with a kid who just doesn't care.

Maybe he'll scrape enough passess next year for 6th form college, but that seems like a bad option for a kid with zero drive to succeed. I am disappointed and don't know how to handle my feelings around this. I'm tempted to tell him he's lazy and that he will get what he deserves when all his mates go off to university, but I have long suspected he has innattentive ADHD and I don't think that approach will help. It's worth noting we went through the NHS diagnostic process a few years ago, and they said that he doesn't meet the threshold, so that's a dead end (not that it would change who he is - extra time on exam papers is not going to help, it might even make things worse).

Should we give him a bollocking or just leave him to coast along and leave him to find out for himself where zero effort will get him?

To make matters worse for him, we're financially comfortable and he has lived a life of privilege. He doesn't know what it means to struggle.

I feel like we are failing him.

Those aren’t bad mocks and maybe the reality of what he’s capable of achieving. You need to reframe your mindset and remove any pressure of being a high achiever.

I could have written this except we are still waiting for appointment for a diagnosis and school have been really helpful. What does he do with his spare time, does he revise at all? What are his plans after GCSE? Maybe you need to start with a very honest conversation along the lines that given he may not get into sixth form and if he does the likelihood of him doing well with A levels with grades 5/6 (allowing for a 1 grade rise between now and then) you feel that the responsible thing to do is to have a chat about what his plans are and you feel it is time to help him understand what it is like to start earning his own money so he understands what is ahead of him. Draw up a list of household tasks and put a value by them then you can pay him weekly for what he earns. If he does nothing give him nothing even if that means his friends are going out and he can’t afford to join them. He will still have it good as you will not be charging him rent or food etc. but he will start to see that he needs a plan B if academics are not for him and they are not for everyone, trades, sports, arts are also options but doing nothing shouldn’t be. Keep it calm and listen to each other to try and gain agreement but stick to what you agree.

I feel like you are me in a few years time!

it’s very hard to motivate boys. I have a 12 year old who thinks life is just for fun and that he will coast through everything. I know life should be quite fun when you’re 12, but he shows no inclination to make any effort with anything at all. He managed to get into a great grammar school but didn’t do great in his end of year exams. One poster above mentioned taking a horse to water and I feel like that’s exactly what it’s like with my son.

we are also very privileged and the kids know they have that safety net. It’s tricky.

I also suspect mine has inattentive ADHD, but school won’t support us in getting him assessed as he isn’t hyper/naughty. They don’t seem to connect it with the millions of behaviour points he has had this year for chatting, not focussing and daydreaming out the window! I contacted a couple of private assessment centres and they said they would still need school support with an assessment, we couldn’t just pay for one.

my housemate at uni reminds me a lot of my son and I feel like I’m just like his poor mum! He failed first year twice, spent his whole time having fun and chasing girls and had to drop out but in the end he has got married, had kids and has a lovely life with a ‘proper’ job! I suppose we have to have some faith in them but it is so hard.

@SunnyUpNorth My DN did this though. He just didn’t respect the teachers. Nothing wrong - just rude. Dsis thought it was funny!

I gave my children a bollocking because I knew they are capable of better.

Tbh I think him getting a job is probably the worst possible option here.

I am very much of the view that DC (especially boys) need to be motivated and supported to work hard to get the best GCSE results they can to keep options open.

A bollocking won't be helpful, but you should have a chat with him. Does he know how to revise? Has he thought vaguely about what options he might want in future? Does he have a revision timetable.

For me the focus should be in giving him a gentle kick up the arse and helping him get a routine and strategy into place.

Sending him out to earn a fiver an hour is only going to end up in him doing even less revision, ending up with worse results and ending up in a dead end job.

Similar story here. Ds current crop range from A-E (Wales). He's had a bollocking. Especially as I'm a teacher, so i know damn well what other kids have to overcome to get grades. He is bright, but lazy. If he has to try, it's because it's too hard/teacher is crap/ he just can't do it etc etc.

No, it just means he can't get by on minium effort. I've asked him how he'd feel if those were his results this time next year and he was begging 6th form colleges to let him in. He wants to go to uni and do essay based subjects. He is good at those, to be fair.

Ds seems to think that being in top set is a golden ticket- but I have to remind him that top set of 4, in the area we live in, doesn't necessarily mean that much. And that his examiners won't give a shiny what set he's in.

I've threatened him with a tutor and small child levels of device controls if he doesn't raise his game. Rewards don't work, as he forgets.

He frustrates me, because I was very much the same- but was driven to do well because I hated being poor. There was no option to let a couple of gcses slide, because i was terrified of not being out.Unfortunately, my doing well is what gives him a nice life. And lack of impetus.

@Wiltedgeranium my DDs had a very nice life but they had the self respect to do some work for exams. They did understand that money had to be worked for. We didn’t inherit it. So I’m not sure not working is about having a nice home life. In fact DN doesn’t have much but wasn’t motivated to do much. It seems to be an arrogant boy thing. It will be alright on the night - except it wasn’t.

Bit late to this one @3oldladiesstuckinalavatory but I agree that there are a number of options between bollocking and leaving him to it. It’s interesting that you could not see how that could be – or what they might be – but I think it’s good that you are aware of this about yourself.

Even tho your updates say he feels that he has done well, it sounds to me as tho he needs some help or support. After all, grades 4/5 for a student in top sets are not amazing, even at this stage.

Firstly – what des he want to do in the future? Is sixth form and A levels on the table? University? If so he will need better grades than 4s in GCSEs (ideally anyway). So look at some options with him. What might he want to do? What does he need to gain at GCSE to facilitate that? I see you say he wants to do creative subjects – what though? I assume he doesn’t take art if he has no portfolio, so does he mean DT? What else with it? There are not really many A level subjects classed as creative. Maybe a more practical course might be better; a friend's lad took a post-16 course in creative media which led to a degree in the subject.

Then look at him. What work did he do for the mocks? Does he understand how to revise? What way of revision works best for him? Can you help with that? It needs to be thought about and practised and maybe taught tbh. With one of my DC I would get a past paper and just go through it verbally, while out on a walk or similar. They really didn’t want to write anything down and it didn’t help if they did. Another one wanted to explain their history topics to me, for which I was a willing audience. Another just wanted space to work but with me there also busy on something (that’s called body doubling but I didn’t know that, just that it seemed to work).

It’s not the end of the world if he does badly in mocks. Encourage him to talk in a no judgement atmosphere. While you are driving and he is sitting beside you is a good way as there’s no eye contact. My best convos with DS2 were always in the car on the way home from sports stuff.

Having read the thread – I agree with @Harrysmummy246 – he doesn’t have another year of teaching, more like 6-7 months. Exams start in April and written exams at the start of May. And he might have 10 exams in a week in the actual GCSEs (my DS2 did). He really needs to think now about what he is now and what he wants to do going forward. What subjects does he do? Which does he enjoy?

Yep. And he's got an answer for everything and thinks he's soooo clever...because he can get As in some subjects.

Great mate, but I got a whole clutch of As and A*s, with a fraction of the help you lot get ( mark scheme? Syllabus? Revision class? What are they?) so you're still not as clever as I was at your age. And you'll need to work harder.

I haven't actually said that to him yet. I currently just unpick each one of his arguments.

He may get moved sets...they won't let him stay in the top sets with 4s

This thread has been so helpful, thank you to everyone who's replied. I've re-set my expectations. DS has always said I over estimate his academic abilities, and maybe that's fair. He is genuinely happy with what now seem to be 5s / 6s across the board, and despite my serious misgivings about his school, the teachers seem pleased too, so I will put more trust in the process.

We've had a good talk about what he would like to do next (some hard bastard a-levels including maths, which I failed 35 years ago, plus some creative ones) and what he's thinking of studying after. The ice has shifted a little, and I think he's up for me helping him with planning his work a bit more effectively next year. ADHD or no ADHD, he really struggles with executive function and genuinely thought he had two years to get his grades up. I've explained its more like 10 weeks of term, plus a load of independent revision... 9 months in other words, after a summer break.

I think he had a shock when during a conversation when he threatened to leave school to become a bin man, and I said that I thought that was an excellent idea, because it was a stable, unionised job with holiday pay, sickness pay and good overtime opportunities. It's also pretty much AI proof, unlike a lot of graduate roles. My genuine enthusiasm for the idea seemed to shift something in his attitude, and I think he might be more open to the idea that whatever he wants to do in life, grafting will be involved... To be fair to him, he hasn't seen how hard DH and I have worked to get to the position we're at, since I work freelance and genuinely enjoy my work and DH has one of those jobs where the hours are really long, but they're often from home and just involves a computer and a load of teams meetings. Probably looks dead easy for a 15 year old!

It's a huge learning curve for both of us. He's my PFB and I want him to do well, but to do that I'll need to mentally step forward to help, whilst emotionally stepping right back.

@3oldladiesstuckinalavatoryI hate to be a doom-monger but a 6 in maths isn’t good enough for A level maths. You need to rethink that I’m afraid. It’s pretty much a recipe for disaster for a DS who says he’s not academic. It will ser him up for failure. My DD was an arts type of girl and did Business Studies A level. This is far more practical and she now has her own little business so it was useful. I’d honestly swerve the maths unless he’s a solid 7-8 at GCSE.

I just came on to say that if he does have ADHD then he may really struggle with executive function - but I see you've beaten me to it!

What is he using to revise from? I really recommend the CGP books for GCSE's if he hasn't already got them (with the exception of English lang with I think is weak). They are laid out clearly and concisely and he can slowly work through them between now and then. For English lang DS found Mr Salles (youtuber and English teacher) really helpful and we got some of his English lang books. Youtuber Primrose Kitten was good for Science I think and so was the GCSE maths tutor.

With DS (ASD) I wrote out a timetable and split the subjects over the week and split the books into sections so he knew what he was reading/working on and for how long. Just maybe 15 minutes on a couple different subjects after school each day and a bit longer 30/60 minutes at the weekend/during holidays. Kids like these need support to be able to manage so don't listen to anyone who says you're molly coddling him or getting over involved.

Agree a 6 in maths in the real thing would not equate to success at A level, and probably wouldn't be allowed to start in the first place.

But a 6 now with limited work could be a 7 or 8 in a year's time with work?

You need 8 or 9 to do a level maths

I agree with this, DS got a 9 at GCSE and a B at A-level despite getting 70% overall in his exams. 71% was required last year for an A.

@TeenToTwenties Except the DS doesn’t think he’s that good! He thinks his mum over estimates his abilities. On that basis, being spoon fed a 7 and a fair wind at gcse isn’t really great for A level maths either. My DD1 got an A in maths GCSE years ago. Absolutely not a mathematician. That’s a 7-8 now as she was 1 mark off an A star. Remark left her in the same position! She didn’t see herself as a mathematician and had worked for the A. I’d just look at a subject he has a better change of success in.

OP that is a positive update and al the best to your DS.

Couple of things struck me – (and I see others have beaten me to it) maths A level is indeed a big step up from GCSE and is not advised with anything lower than a 7, genuinely. Someone in DS2’s maths a level group had got a 6 and really really struggled. DS didn’t find it easy with an 8 at GCSE.

And secondly he doesn’t have nine months unless you count holidays (and for DC who struggle to focus, the holidays can be an issue). If you take out four weeks for half term and Christmas, from September there are six months of schooling. So really not long at all. The best thing is to start decent revision of year 10 topics asap.

My eldest did terrible in her GCSE mocks, scraped through in the finals but changed schools for 6th form Alevels and has absolutely smashed it. Once the maths and all the subjects she hated were off her plate and she was studying three she enjoyed she became a much better student and frankly a much better person. I work with grads and apprentices and genuinely all we look for on a CV is maths, English and extra curricular activities such as DofE etc. Dd had to repeat maths but some kids just aren’t academic and that really is ok. Grades don’t make them the people they need to be it just gives them a little bit more variety in terms of what they do next. Hopefully the not so good results will give the kick up the bum needed if not, deal with it when you have to. I think exams are super stressful enough without us adding more pressure. Be kind to yourself too during exam time there’s so many parents out there that haven’t made it this far. Am sure you’re doing great x

The maths grade is what set this whole thing off. It's one of his favourite subjects and even in primary school, he's always aced it. Unfortunately, this year he's had a change of teacher and now has someone who he (and the other kids) literally can't understand. Having met her at parents evening, I do sympathise, but there's a national shortage of maths teachers so no point complaining, he needs to just get on with it. I thought he would be able to do so without help, but that's not the case and I've found a shit-hot maths tutor who can help him next year. He should get a 7/8 and if he doesn't, he'll have to rethink his A level choices. A level maths is not for the faint of heart - I went from an A at GCSE to a U at A level, so I'm living proof of that... 😂

@3oldladiesstuckinalavatory ,

Unless he can comfortably (!) achieve an 8 at GCSE, I honestly wouldn’t advise A level maths.

It is a hard slog if you can’t ‘see’ it and a 7 will probably map to a B at best, and that is with a lot of dedicated work.

He's only halfway through the curriculum and got his results even without trying. 4 is a C, 5 is a C/B. Those are not poor grades.
He will sit his exams in just under a year, so will likely naturally go up 1-2 grades even without trying, so 5 or 6, which is B. There's nothing wrong with a B!
You are worrying way too early about this.

no, they're way more than half way through. They often start in year 9 as well. It is absolutely not too early

I disagree, my DD just did her GCSEs and is awaiting results, so this is all recent for me and I think he sounds like he's doing fine.