How do you deal with disappointing GCSE mock results?

[3oldladiesstuckinalavatory]

My bright son is startging to get his GCSE mocks results back and seems to be hovering around the 4/5 mark so far. Whist for some kids, this should be a cause for celebration, DS has done absolutely no work at all, despite being in all the top sets, and I'm really pissed off with him. I have no idea what to do with a kid who just doesn't care.

Maybe he'll scrape enough passess next year for 6th form college, but that seems like a bad option for a kid with zero drive to succeed. I am disappointed and don't know how to handle my feelings around this. I'm tempted to tell him he's lazy and that he will get what he deserves when all his mates go off to university, but I have long suspected he has innattentive ADHD and I don't think that approach will help. It's worth noting we went through the NHS diagnostic process a few years ago, and they said that he doesn't meet the threshold, so that's a dead end (not that it would change who he is - extra time on exam papers is not going to help, it might even make things worse).

Should we give him a bollocking or just leave him to coast along and leave him to find out for himself where zero effort will get him?

To make matters worse for him, we're financially comfortable and he has lived a life of privilege. He doesn't know what it means to struggle.

I feel like we are failing him.

Thanks so much for these responses, they are all so helpful. To answer some questions / respond to some reallly great points:

No, he doesn't have a portfolio. He doesn't do any creative work outside of school. He is mostly on his phone, or hanging out with his mates.

He doesn't do much around the house either. This is not great and I suppose he has been ruling the roost. We have taken our eyes off the ball a bit in the last few years and have let him get away with this.

I will talk to him about Btec and T levels. I agree, sixth form is not the place for him if he doesn't want to do any work.

I'm not sure about revising with him. I don't think he would go for that one.

Incentivising with driving lessons could work - he is extremely motivated to learn to drive. (And to leave home! Although how to do that without a job...). I think we could pay for some of the lessons and he would need to get a job to pay the rest. This would probably not go down well, since most of his friends seem to have plenty of money with driving lessons / holidays / festivals all paid for by parents. I am pretty sure I had to pay for all that stuff myself (or wasn't allowed them!).

That sounds very difficult - lockdown did so much damage to kids of that age.

How is he doing now and did he bounce back @Sunnyafternooning ?

Depressingly DC2 has done similar. He’s just taken GCSEs so awaiting results.

Again, mocks in November of y11 (which seems comparatively early), one or two very poor (for him) results, the majority mediocre, and the two subjects he likes perfectly ok, but not as good as he could have done. Averaging a 5/6.

He worked very hard from March onwards. Practice papers in exam conditions for maths and sciences ranged from 8-9. Obviously anything can happen in the real exam but based on the multiple past papers he’d done I’m hoping he’ll do well… but it would have been so much easier and less stressful if he’d put a bit more effort in consistently from the beginning than having to put in 6hrs a day for the last few months!

My son got a couple of 3s in his year 10 mocks because he didn't care about the subjects and didn't work. But to be honest a bright kid with a good memory can easily turn that round. In the real things those 3s turned into a 7 and 8. So I think it's early days to worry too much.

It's amazing that you recognise this.
I think you need to sit down with him and talk about it. Which may be stunted and awkward for both of you. But you need to know how he feels, what he wants next (not knowing is also valid) and even, does he actually know how to study, for him? I coasted through school, fortunately with a retentive memory then university onwards slapped me in the face with the realisation that I didn't now how I needed to achieve the results, and 20 odd years later, might actually have ADHD as it turns out.
It is not a disaster. You can have feelings but ultimately, this isn't about you

It's definitely attitude! Well done on your A*!

My daughter got mostly fives and a few sixes in her y10 mocks. She was pleased with some results, less so with others as she feels she can do better but it was ten exams in five days and the first time doing “real” gcse exams.She is predicted sixes and sevens for her GCSEs and I think she is on the right track to get them.

As far as your son goes, they have two more sets of mocks and around a years teaching before the “real thing” so he has time to do well. They haven’t learned the whole syllabus yet.

My daughter is a visual learner so how she revises comes into it. Maybe talk to him about what works best for him?She also has to be motivated in order to revise- physics revision didn’t happen. She has a maths tutor as she can’t engage with her teacher at school and we are thinking of getting a physics tutor too. Would this be an option? Or a bit of bribery if he is saving up for something or wants to go to a festival next year? ;)

it is possible that he thinks he doesn’t need to do amazingly now and will put the work in later. I’ve got one of those- homework is done at the last minute. Drives me crazy. I told my daughter the more she gradually revises, makes mind maps, revision cards, etc the less she will have to do later. There’s no way she would be able to revise everything next Easter! Thankfully, that seems to have sunk in….

You're not failing him at all. It may just be a case of seeing what you can do to help. His results might make him revise more for the November mocks now that he knows how much he needs to do.

Bollock reality spelt out and then a schedule for all revision downstairs on kitchen table and tutors as needed and rewards and downtime earnt etc / worked here

He did. We were able to negotiate with the school to take him for 6th form. We had to get permission from one of the teachers for his A level subjects as they’d allocated him a 5 🫣.

I think it helped that the school knew him well and he was a polite, helpful and easy student… just absolutely horizontal in terms of temperament and effort.

He got BBB in his a levels (just missed out on ABB irritatingly!) and has just graduated from his first choice uni, in the top 10/15 in the league tables with a 2.1 He is still a polite and easy to get along with 21 year old, and still completely horizontal!

No, they have at best 6 mo of teaching left now and may or may not fit in two more rounds of mocks (not all schools do things the same you know...)

I know. That's the hardest part - I wish it was though, then I could fix it. When they get to this age, 15/16 they need to feel the consequences of their own actions (or inactions, as the case maybe). It's hard as a parent to watch this stage.

I hope you got through university okay. I work in the sector and can see how hard some kids struggle when they hit that wall. It's not pretty and very little can be done to help kids that shouldn't have ever applied but did and got fleeced for £9k a year 😓

Aw this is brilliant! Good for him.

Being horizontal fabulous gift in some ways - sadly, rather a white knuckle ride for everyone else around you...

Yes!

The teenage years were very very easy- no kick back on anything, and he was always very family minded and happy to help out with his grandparents or younger siblings and just generally a lovely person to have around.

But trying to get him to feel a bit of passion for something and use that to give himself a bit of ooomph… well….

@3oldladiesstuckinalavatory if you’re financially comfortable get him to be seen privately for adhd

he might be truly struggling, and if you go privately within a week you could have a diagnosis and treatment initiation

I'm tempted to tell him he's lazy and that he will get what he deserves when all his mates go off to university, but I have long suspected he has innattentive ADHD and I don't think that approach will help

Tbf would this be helpful to anyone? It feels like you’re not on his side, he needs you to be on his side not battling against him.

To make matters worse for him, we're financially comfortable and he has lived a life of privilege. He doesn't know what it means to struggle.
tbf this was a problem for you to manage several years ago, lots of parents make the same mistake so I’m not judging you, but you can’t really see his ‘failings’ and decide to just either bollock him or leave him alone when you have also contributed to this situation. it also sounds like his school and teachers aren’t helping him perform at his best. He absolutely should take responsibility, but the adults/environment around him arent really creating an encouraging atmosphere for that and he’s only a child himself, so instead I’d want to help him.

can you help him, (really carefully working with him to support him, lift him up, rather than dragging him along with you) Talk to him about his plans, ask him what he needs to get in, offer to help him find out, and then if it’s higher grades at least he knows. Ask him what he needs to get those grades, can you afford a tutor, does he need one? Would he like to do some art classes? Can you get him around anyone who cares a bit more about performing well?

Hi, I’m following this post. My DS is the same age and his mock results are starting to come through. He is a very intelligent lad in all the top sets and he hasn’t been getting the predicted grades for his mocks - he was predicted 8 and 9’s but is getting around 5 and 6’s in most subjects and only one 9. He went into them thinking they would be easy and tbh didn’t revise as much as he should have as he kept saying he knew it all. I’m not sure whether to come down on him a bit about his grades or just let him figure it all out himself. He is quite reluctant to take my advice but I know he wants to go to university and have a good career

These are mocks.

He may give himself a kick.up the bum. Nothing like seeing your peers doing better than you to get motivated.

You might want to start looking at different exam techniques. With ADHD, I've found short sharp revision sessions are better. Often visual ones sink in better. It's trial and error so this is time to get trying.

I'd also speak to school about your concerns. They'll want him to fulfill his potential too.

Does he think he did OK? Is he pissed off or think it's totally fine?

Also get looking at college courses - he might thrive with less writing and more actual doing. This doesn't need to limit them, higher education still an option for later.

The living a privileged life part is a bit separate and maybe you need to change things there. A job is definitely a good idea. Even one 8 hour shift a week can be good enough for some spending money and a taster of working life. It's also a way to make them see that they need to work hard at school so they can put off a working life for a bit longer and get studying instead. I wouldn't worry about these mocks. My eldest was very laid back and didn't lock in as the kids say until the January of his actual exam year. He did very well. He also has to realise for himself the consequences of his actions or rather his in actions. That's life. But the fact that you think he might be spoilt and unmotivated is all down to you and his dad, so start changing that.

Have a conversation about what he wants to do post16. Make it clear that doing nothing is not an option - he must study or work. Then support him in his choice and decide with him what grades/qualifications he will need. Boys often need an end goal. Also point out that without good passes his options will be very limited and he may end up in a boring job he doesn't like.

I almost wrote the same as the post here, then saw it had already been written. I think based on what you’ve said, you can sit down with him and say “look, we both know you’re capable and we both know this is where you want to go. However, unless your grades are xxxx you won’t get there.”
Help him put together a plan of action. Think through with him how he can chunk his work into manageable blocks. Children don’t just know how to revise or how to manage their learning and not all schools support them in the best way for them.
I think you need to go at it from a place of encouragement and support, not frustration and anger - even if that’s what you’re feeling.

Those don't sound like awful results at a year to go and not making an effort, but I understand the effort being the issue here. Our oldest was extremely dilligent and got amazing result in the end and still didn't do that brilliantly at that point, especially in maths, as they just hadn't got used to how to revise effectively yet.

I wouldn't give DS a bollocking, but tell him you're disappointed as you feel he could do much better with some effort; bear in mind if he might want to do essay subjects at A-level he will need a minimum grade in English Language, which can be a tricky exam for some; that can be a 5 or 6 minimum, as it was round where we are.

Our DS is starting GCSEs next year and has inattentive ADHD, so I expect revision to be a struggle as it probably all seems rather hard to see the point when you're not good at having a long term view.

Depends what kind of kid he is where it goes from here. Will the failure (not actual failure but based on previous expectations and him being in top sets) motivate him or dishearten him?

I did no work and got all c and d grades for my GCSE mocks, then got all As and A*s for the actual exams because I enjoyed proving my teachers wrong.

The teenage girls guide to living well with ADHD has some good tips for study techniques/task chunking etc. May be worth a read.

Firstly, I hate the way schools now refer to Year 10 exams as mocks. They are end-of-year exams. The mocks are in November or January, depending on the school.

Secondly, looking backwards is pointless. A bollocking right now would be counterproductive. I would let him know that you are disappointed and that things will have to change but he should enjoy some of the summer holiday first.

Two weeks before the end of the holiday, ask him what grades he would like to get and get him to make his own SMART targets to get there, which will start with revising the last two weeks of summer.

As of next year, take his phone for at least 90 minutes every evening and make sure that he is working. Celebrate every milestone that he achieves, even just putting his phone away and doing a good revision session.

Work with the school as much as you can. He could easily still get 6s and 7s if he starts working hard.

@3oldladiesstuckinalavatoryDont say you will pay for anything until you see an improved attitude. Otherwise hex got you dancing to his tune again! There’s no comeback for not bothering. We expected DCs to work at school work in return for driving lessons. They did and they got the lessons. I’d maybe reward with a few lessons for every grade 6 and above? When he’s got them!