What time do you let your 14 year old out untill?

[LuckyGoldBird]

We live in a small seaside town, they've all been going to the beach in the hot days and to the park on the not so hot..

What time do you let your 14 year old girls out untill??

I don't want to be unreasonable with timings she has to be in, her friends mum says 8 latest.. Ive said half 9. But some. Of her friends are out and about untill 10/10.30

Just curious to what other parents do.

I am very lucky in where we live, small town and knife crime is not an issue here, though there is the usual teenage vandalism and there are drugs but I am pretty confident that my DD is not interested in that at this point in time, and is likely to avoid other crowds of teenagers because she's not a fan of people beyond her friend group.
Its more worrying when she's visiting her friend in the city because the city obviously has increased crime and other dangers, and the train home is after 10pm but her friend (who is 3 years older) goes with her to the station and the station itself is busy and has security (she witnessed some men being removed by security last time) so I'm less worried once she's there but I definitely can't relax until she's on the train and its left the station.

Yeah I lived by the beach as a teenager, we often hung out there innocently but tbh there were some that were there drinking etc. (And I did a couple of times - memories of one boy pouring vodka into his eyeball to "get drunk faster", and when I finished year 11 drinking far too much and passing out on a bench but my friends called my brother and his friend to come carry me home)

I lived in a nice town and hung around with the geekier side of the school year. My mum's strictness kept me from a lot of the stuff that happened to my friends -- lots of outdoors underage sex, older boys/men, drugs, drinking until hospitalized. Apart from the last I don't think anybody's parents ever knew, and we were generally where we said we'd be (park, woods, canal) so a location app would have been no help. I've navigated my adult life pretty successfully, while so many of my friends have struggled with severe mental health issues as a result of what they went through in their teens. One is dead. Speaking to my best friend recently she said that she is still working through what happened in her late 30s and she wishes her parents hadn't been so naive. 14 year olds just are not mature enough to protect themselves when there are older teens and adults hanging around, and available drugs and alcohol.

Therefore...my 14 year old is allowed freedom in the day, but at night he is at home, often with friends in tow. I will likely be even stricter with his sister. I'm astonished by how naive so many of the parents on here are (just as naive as the parents my friends used to laugh at) -- was no one else here a teenager?

We use to snort it as thought it got you drunk quicker 🤣🤣

No way! 8pm the latest on a school night.

I was a awful teenager. Me and my friend often say how much of a good kid my daughter is compared to what I was doing at her age. The friend who has to be in by 8 is a nightmare she vapes (her mum buys her these which I totally disagree with) she refuses to go school and is nasty to her mum.

My daughter is by no means perfect, but she respects me. She does as I ask and tells me loads - sometimes even things I don't want to know.

She doesn't just loiter at the beach untill them times it was a example. Of them being out. I always have a house full of her friends on weekends and they always tell me stuff and confide in me also..

She goes to school doess her homework and is good at school. She k ows I track her phone and message her loads and she wouldn't leave it at a friend's and go off because she can't live without her phone next to her 😂

Thankfully DS and his mates aren't really drinkers (yet) there are a few cans now and again but that's it really. They are disgusted by vape or smoking and we don't really have much of a drug problem in teens round here.
I know I might sound naive but we see him come home totally sober most nights.

I used to pour it down a tube 😩 I haven't had a drink in 6 years now though the thought makes my belly churn

That’s lovely. But you seem to be correlating being strict in curfew with having a child who’s struggling. I’m strict and I have a great relationship with DD.

For me, much of this is about not trusting other people, rather than not trusting my child, and being aware of how difficult it is to resist peer pressure, especially for girls. I mean, adults struggle with this (“OK, I’ll just come for one” - 4 hours later totally wasted) if adults struggle why do we expect teens to do any better?

No I'm not, but I hear how she talks to her mum when her mum won't allow her to do what her friends do. Her behaviour is due to how her mum is in general and there's lots of issues behind that (drink, drugs, police etc) so I'm not saying at all that her behaviour is like thst because of her mum not allowing her out late.

I also keep telling my daughter it's not her it's other people I dont trust. There is some nasty people out there.

School night it's lights out at 9.30 here. No point in wandering the streets in the evening for no reason. The only kids who do that here are the ones who vape /drink and such. And obviously the parents don't have a clue.

My DD is 14. I think 9 on a weekend night when it’s light is late enough. It would be earlier in winter when it’s dark

My DD was outraged when she saw me using wine while cooking so I doubt she'll be trying alcohol any time soon but in a couple of years that might change. Her primary school teacher made a bet with all the children though that if they don't touch alcohol or tobacco throughout their school years they can come back to him and get a euro. She is determined to get that euro because her teacher said no one ever comes back and she wants to be the first!

No we weren’t.

I don't think kids do drink as much as we did. When I was a teenager everyone drank now it seems more kids are more confident to say their not interested out of the teenagers I know some drink but one doesn't because he's really into football and fitness and another one I know just says she doesn't like the taste and they don't seem to get crap from their mates about it, it just seems more accepted

10/10.30 is too late in my opinion, she needs to have a bedtime routine to settle down for the night, so if you're saying 9.30 I think that's good because then she can have a good routine for an hour and go to sleep at 10.30, so she can get her 8-10 hours of sleep - which is really important. There's loads of helpful info about standing up to peer pressure and friendships on this app called luna (luna period tracker on the app store). My DD really enjoys it

We're in SE London in a nice ish but sometimes rough area (like most of London!). My yr 9 boy is only out at friend's houses in the evening - and rarely. He's never been out just at the park later than around 7 and even then it's been for a purpose e.g. going for a run. I wouldn't dream of allowing him out to just wander anywhere really, if he's out and about we know who he's with and there's a specific thing they're doing (like going shopping/to the cinema). It's the same for all his friends.