What time do you let your 14 year old out untill?

[LuckyGoldBird]

We live in a small seaside town, they've all been going to the beach in the hot days and to the park on the not so hot..

What time do you let your 14 year old girls out untill??

I don't want to be unreasonable with timings she has to be in, her friends mum says 8 latest.. Ive said half 9. But some. Of her friends are out and about untill 10/10.30

Just curious to what other parents do.

When I say organised, they were at specifics: football/rugby/cricket training and matches. Music practice or a concert. We knew where they were and they were collected or dropped by a friend's mum. They obviously organised cinema, tennis, gatherings but we knew where they were and they were collected or dropped home.

All perfectly normal among their friends. They used the tube alone from about 1, organised uni open days, etc. DH travelled from London to Durham with four chums and stayed in Hall. He decided against it because it was in the middle of nowhere and he thought he'd spend too much time on a train to Newcastle to go clubbing!

@IKillUnkillablePlantsthat isn’t in any way the same, and you know it, there is a ‘buzz’ being out at night and the more you keep her from it, the more intoxicating it becomes.

Yeah of course. Unstructured time is important. It doesn’t have to be late at night though.

9pm on a school night, but this is a couple of times per month at most, usually goes out for a bit after school and home for 5ish.

9:30pm at the weekend, although tonight he messaged and asked if he could stay out until 10, but I knew where he was and who he was with (a park about 5 minutes walk from home) as I’d walked the dog past about an hour ago so agreed.

Bed at 10pm on a school night and I just go to bed and he sorts himself at the weekend. DS is 13 almost 14 in Yr9 but is one of the younger ones in his year, some of his friend will be 15 in September - yikes!

Some parenting styles on this thread are intense.

And some sound negligent to me.

Wow my 14 year old would go crazy if I tried to enforce lights out at 9.30pm 😯 That’s the time my 11 & 1/2 year old goes to bed. Youngest wakes up around 7.30am and older one 8am for school so both getting the adequate amount of sleep I think.

I certainly wasn't. Admittedly, I was at boarding school till I was 16 and it was no Summerhill. We were kept to a routine and a bedtime that was similar to what people mention here - at 15, I was hitting the hay with a book by 10pm. But I don't remember keeping late hours during the holidays or once I'd left school and started college. I always had loads of homework and exams to get through and I needed my sleep.

And many are great examples of why we have a cohort of late teens and early 20s who have no life experience, life skills or any idea how to deal with unexpected situations and have no resilience to deal with life.

Because they have never been allowed out to deal with life. Because mummy and daddy have always micro managed every bit of their lives and organised structured activities till they were 18. They are utterly unequipped to deal with life and unexpected situations.

We're in London - didn't go out much at 14 but did stay out until 10 by prior arrangement once or twice

DD is 15 and has no desire to be out at night, maybe because we’re in London and she’s been out at night with us (theatre) and really doesn’t like the unpredictability of drunk and random people out at night. She told
me the other week she has no desire to have a drink until she’s about 18. I don’t expect that to last but I’m fine with it now!

Well mine are 27 and 30 now. Both brought home a first, one from Oxford, the other from Cambridge. The eldest is an academic, married and relocating to SA at the end of the summer. The other is a secondary teacher with a stable boyfriend and doing very well.

Both have travelled across the world and are independent, competent human beings with a variety of life skills.

Funnily enough DD often says her year 11's would do a lot better if they had more structure at home and better parenting and if they did their homework instead of cruising the streets, they'd do a lot better in life. She's moving to a private school in September.

Therefore, with respect, I think you are talking nonsense.

I didn’t do any activities but I also didn’t go out at night until I was about 17. I’m 53.
Hanging out till 10.30 at 14 doesn’t equip you with a single useful life skill.

I haven't set a time as my 14 year old rarely goes out except to volleyball training but in the last couple of weeks she's started hanging out with friends after school and the other night (a school night) she came home at half nine. I'm just so glad she's socialising outside of school instead of coming home and napping that I'm not setting limits unless she starts getting really late.

She's not getting into trouble, she's just going to the shop and to friend's houses and the skate park, and tells me everything in great detail when she gets home.

She has shown no interest in being out any later. I have two older children, the eldest probably started to stay out later the summer before their A'Levels, so aged 16, she's now away at Uni having a great time. My middle child takes himself out to the gym until 10pm and occasionally meets friends to head out for a meal/cinema, but shows no interest in just hanging around in town, he's off travelling around Europe with friends in a couple of months.

All the teenagers that hang out in the park around us are drinking/vaping/ getting into trouble and end up on the local Facebook group 🙄DS (14) has never asked to go out in the evening unstructured. He’s usually at a club or friends houses gaming. Does lots of unstructured stuff during the day like walking or going into town but I wouldn’t let him hang out at the park in the evening.

your DC have obviously done well and are clearly privileged with their educations and oxbridge unis. I'm assuming they were pretty well protected by you and their private schools.

most children are not. Look I agree if I lived in central London I would not want my children roaming the streets at night. But I live in a lovely rural safe area so it's not an issue for me with my DS 15 out with his friends at the weekend or in the hols till 10pm. they are not running drugs or robbing old ladies in the street.

but I do agree it depends on where you live. we are lucky we live in a very safe area. If I was inner city I would not want my children out late at night either.

I think it's fair to agree it depends where we all live. and of course our family situations too. Apologies for being too brutal

But maybe it’s because my mum died and then I was sexually abused and groomed because no one cared what time I came home

I have a family member who lives in a lovely rural safe area. Didn’t stop him ending up being escorted to hospital by the police at 16 after drinking a bottle of vodka.

This is a really hideous thing to type but my cousin, who lives in a safe, rural area was plied with alcohol and sexually abused in a park by a group of boys from her school when she was 14.
Of course that’s not going to happen to anyone. And of course it could happen at any time. But it’s more likely to happen unsupervised in a park after dark.

I agree location plays a part but I was brought up next to the beach and wasn't allowed to hang out there until 9pm on school nights. When I was 14, in 1974, the 14 year olds who did that were glue sniffing and smoking and didn't live in the roads adjoining the beach.

FWIW my DC were London children and I think that made them very streetwise. I'm not sure it's fair to comment about their private schools protecting them - I think they stretched them and ingrained ambition.

By your own admission he's never asked. What if he did ask? What if it was important to him and it's what his peers were doing? Still an outright no? I think that's naive and isolating.

I understand. I was brought up in a small town but also had a very strict upbringing. The girls who were out late at 14 in those days were the ones you you refer to. I'm probably more relaxed because we live in a very small village so DS pretty protected which isn't necessarily a good thing.

Sorry to read of people with horrendous experiences in rural areas.

@summerscomingsoon pax

Do people not think though with the best will in the world that some teenagers will just stay at a friends house and then go and hang out from that persons house? And if they know they are tracked on an app wouldn’t they just leave their phone at their friends?

I genuinely do think that some teenagers have no interest in going out but I would never be so sure to say that they don’t want to hang out in the evenings. Teenagers are excellent at double bluffing let’s face it and as lovely as they can be can be masters of deception.