What time do you let your 14 year old out untill?

[LuckyGoldBird]

We live in a small seaside town, they've all been going to the beach in the hot days and to the park on the not so hot..

What time do you let your 14 year old girls out untill??

I don't want to be unreasonable with timings she has to be in, her friends mum says 8 latest.. Ive said half 9. But some. Of her friends are out and about untill 10/10.30

Just curious to what other parents do.

Whilst a 14 year old may be a sensible, good kid, I think having their location on your phone doesn't tell you if they've run into trouble, such as with a group of older children/adults. It's not about what your kids will or won't do, it's other people.

There was that terribly sad murder in Bournemouth last year where 2 women were attacked on the beach and one died. Whilst it was later at night, the monster who randomly stabbed them had been hanging around the town and beach all day and could have struck at any time.

I agree with previous PPs that 14 year old children shouldn't be routinely out at night wandering round.

You can always tell which kids have lax parenting when on the school run. Wandering up to school after the bell has gone off looking bleary eyed and still with a bed head! I feel sorry for them. You’re not doing them any favours tbh.

Lax parenting 🙄🤣

Continually just doing organised activities is bad for children’s development. How are they to learn essential life skills when there’s always an adult to defer to and solve any problems. 14 is plenty old enough to be out doing their own thing. In fact it’s very normal and good for them.

Absolutely but not at 9.30pm and not in the local park. No problem with the DC telling me when they were 14 that they were meeting a friend for tennis, a swim, the shops, etc., Friday/Sat or in the hols. However that did not extend to hanging out in the park (where drug deals took place) at dusk or in the dark.

We live in London. Dd is 14. She doesn't go out on a school night.

If she gos out on a weekend. She,will go and see her friend and home by the time it's dark. In the winter,months her friends mum will drop her home. Or she will sleep over.

No no and double no.

My kids wouldn’t be out on the beach or wherever until that time and so much more.

Mine has just turned 14 and I ask her to be back by 6 if she is out. She can stay longer when st a friends house and usually one of the parents will arrange to drive them back. In that instance she might be back at around 9/10 - but never travels alone at that time.

We live in a busy city though so abit different.

I was never allowed out, I would be around my neighbourhood until about 8/9 in the summer but my parents could always find us as we were never far from home.

Hmmm 🤔 my son I let out..he always come home for 10…foood always bought the boy home, and his mates 🤣🤣
my girl…she’s out all night, always staying touch….😧

I did similar when my daughter was 14 - 9.30 on a school night or 11 at weekends, but only if one of us picked her up, or a friend’s parent brought her home. I never let her travel home on her own after dark.

Absolutely.

Where I live, that sort of hanging out is simply not done.

I lived near a beach growing up, with a good few parks and fields in the area too. Nothing good ever happened to the kids who were allowed to go out in the evenings. Nothing. The kids whose parents kept them in otoh flourished.

Is a very culturally specific thing that would be greeted with raised eyebrows and a lot of disapproval in other cultures.

Kids do not need to be out together unsupervised with no solid plans in order to learn to solve problems or develop their social side.

There are ample opportunities for developing all the skills they need through extra curricular activities. Extra curricular activities do not involve adults solving all their problems for them. They do involve pushing themselves to practice, working well with others, learning new skills, being punctual and organised, time management, being a good teammate, negotiating conflicts with tact and confidence, and a lot more. Mine did a lot of homework too.

I live in a very safe area and my kids were brought up here. There isn't even graffiti.

It is safe precisely because nobody really hangs out in the streets at night. It is safe because the community has invested in excellent recreation facilities and because there's a culture of parents feeling responsible for their children and willing to make sure they are supervised, spending family time together and encouraging activities.

There is also a curfew for kids under age 18. Hanging out in the evenings simply isn't done here.

Mt 15 year old goes to bed at 9pm on her own choice. She is really sporty and is knackered because she gets up at 6.30 for school and then does loads of climbing and football after school.

Sorry, but that's nonsense.

My kids all headed off to university at age 18 and never looked back. The closest were three hours away in the car, and the others were 14 and 18 hours away by car. Flying was a much quicker option. They navigated college dorm life in the US where you share a room with a new assigned roommate every year for four years, and worked PT jobs while at university too. They had PT jobs all through their teens and juggled a heavy academic/ homework load with sports and jobs. They had solid friendships too, that are still going strong.

And in some cultures not allowing your children and teens time to be unsupervised with their friends would be met with disapproval, and micromanaging their lives with activities and clubs would be considering suboptimal parenting.

Organised activities do teach them a lot though (depending on the activity, some teach more than others, like scouts for instance) but its a balance, not too much organised activities and not too much unsupervised time because they still need adults.

I agree. But why does that unstructured time have to be late at night?

I’ve let my 14 year old come back as late as 10 once when he was just at a house a few doors down, mostly it’s around 9. I make them come in from outdoors around 7/8, I don’t want them mixing with the kind of teens that just hang around in groups, and they come out about that time.

Not a chance in hell I’d let them do what you’re allowing.

Mine have plenty of unstructured time, but their free time outdoors is mostly spent going off on bike rides or playing football. Not walking around in a mob. So they do that during the day, not 10pm.

My DD likes just walking and talking with her friends, I also liked that as a teenager. Not all teenagers want to play football or go off on bike rides, some them just want to hang out and chat.
And many have sports and other activities to do, especially at weekends, so finding time when they're all free to just hang out can sometimes end up being in the evenings. The sun doesn't set until gone 10pm now where I am so it doesn't feel as late either even though it is. About 9 on a school night feels alright to me, and in any case I'd want my DD home before I go to bed and I'm in bed by 10 at the latest on weeknights, so home by 9ish allows time for a chat about what she's been up to before I go to bed.

At 15 I was lying to my parents about staying at friends houses so I could go out drinking in bars and clubs.

My 14yo has organised activities until 8pm and 945pm midweek. I don't like him going out Monday to Thursday. The rule is in bed by 9.30 on a school night and lights out at 10. This is entirely ignored and he can still be up at 11!!! It's maddening.

We live in a big city and there have been stabbings so I wouldn't let him out after dark. Sometimes he is out after dark having gone to friends houses then their parents let them out. Let's face it its dark at 5 in the winter so it's hard to police.

Now it's light I allow out in the evening on Friday or Sat but no later than 930. Last night he wanted to be at a friend house til 10 and I said no. It causes lots of arguments because his friends are allowed more freedom.

They go for bike rides along the river which I don't really mind but I know full well that by 930 there would be more of a party atmosphere on the local meadows. He's been offered vapes and Says it's easy to get weed. I'm not necessarily going to be able to stop him from trying stuff. I'm hoping to keep lines of communication open.

It's good to know what other parents are doing.

When ds was that age he was out beyond 10ish, usually at friends houses or walking between houses or down Astro turf kicking a ball about, going to do things like McDs, cinema, gym etc, so he was out late but usually doing stuff.

At 14 I would have been more concerned if they were out later just hanging out in park/at beach where other (and older) teens congregate, alcohol is likely being consumed by some and there is likely to be drama a 14 year old is not always equipped to deal with.

Ds did the park and beach thing when he was a little bit older, not for long as there were crowds of teens from different schools and he always felt on edge - he was tall/knew a lot of people he was constantly pestered for help in diffusing their dramas so he couldn’t relax. Some of the things he was aware of/stopped happening would make your hair stand on end.

Mine is too busy in the school week tbh so mid week doesn’t come up as an issue. The problem is even if your daughter is just “walking at chatting” at 9pm, lots of other teens aren’t, maybe it’s the fact that mine are boys, but knife crime terrifies me, some teens are just vile and I worry about them coming across a nasty group.

DS was 9 on a school night, 10 at weekends at that age.
What is the horror of being on the beach? Perfectly normal here.
No mad parties/drinking/vaping with our 16/17 year olds. They have been going to the beach for years, it's the traditional end of term day/evening out.

Holidays / Saturday night it would be 9 latest
School week - possibly not at all (or limited to one or two nights, to 7)

No good can come from what is effectively loitering. My SD was doing this post school in a local seaside town - same age - older boys, drinking, girls getting drunk were all in the mix