Daughter unlikely to pass her A levels

[FavouritePJs]

my DD has always struggled at school and just managed to scrape 5 GCSE passes to enable her to be accepted into 6th form college. She works really hard, has great attendance, fully engages in lessons, does her homework and currently is doing nothing but revise, however, based on all the previous papers that she has completed
in lessons and her mocks, she’s on course to fail badly. One of her courses is a BTEC which she has passed with distinction but the exam side of things just doesn’t work for her. She’s just sat with me absolutely distraught as all of her friends are smart and she can’t face results day when they will be celebrating, she feels embarrassed and ashamed. We obviously support her unconditionally but how do I help her deal with the way she is feeling? I know as parents we always want to make everything better but I’m struggling with how to do this. Thankfully she decided long ago that uni was not for her at this stage in her life so she isn’t worried about that, but I don’t want her to feel stupid/embarressed/ashamed/failure - her words not mine. Has anyone else been through this with their child?

@sashh Most of my life people haven’t understood me!

There definitely will be chat about university and DD feeling different. As 63% don’t go she’s in the majority.

Fairly obviously again protecting kids from failure makes them frightened of it. You see it everywhere in young people

Again, the DD hasn’t been protected from failure. She’s been exposed to it for a long time and faced it like a warrior. And it matters not a bit that we are supposed to (according to you) see young people being protected from failure everywhere as this isn’t about them - it’s about the OP’s dear daughter and no one else.

I don’t understand why some people on this thread seem invested in this girl not being successful in life

Im not one of them so you’ll have to ask those who are for an explanation.

If she manages to pass one of those A levels, having struggled that is a huge achievement. But people just want to put her down and dismiss lower grades

Again, you’ll have to ask those people why. My thoughts on the girl are that she’s a warrior and school/her exams have been so difficult for her up to now that she should be allowed to say sod it, and walk away from these exams if that’s what she wants to do. Perhaps they’re the straw that’s breaking her back and who knows what tthe cost of doing the exams will take on her mentally and emotionally 6 months or 6 years from now.

I don’t understand the nastiness/ one upmanship on this thread at all

I don’t understand youngsters being led by the nose to do exams they are ill prepared for, for various reasons because the adults around them consider it character forming and/or their own vested interests come first.

She’s very interested in a law apprenticeship too in any form but I appreciate this may be out of reach. When we were talking about career options post A level she was really upbeat about the possibility of an apprenticeship in law/police/CPS, even only a lower level one, so that is what we will work towards.

@FavouritePJs I haven't read the full post so this may have already been covered
But for an apprenticeship it's simply not true you need to have a degree. I have a number of them in my department who doesn't have a degree including a 17 year old who sounds like she may be similar to your daughter.
She's absolutely excelled. She came in with a good attitude, wanting to learn and people have took her under their wing and developed her.

Thank you all for your views and advice, most of you (almost all I should say) have been kind and without judgement and offered so much advice, which is what we need. I spoke to her again about not sitting her exams and she is adamant she is going to, she said if she doesn’t, she will definitely get a U and she has to give it one last push. She seems calm and realistic about the immediate outcome and ready for next steps, whatever they are, she is only 17 and has always been the youngest in her year at school, she has many good times ahead. I know the next few weeks will be difficult and results day is almost certain to be, one of the posters said to do something nice to celebrate her achievements, whatever they may be (somewhat paraphrasing here), and yes, she is a warrior in my view. Her determination, commitment and resilience will stand her in good stead. She’s a kind girl but is not a wallflower and will speak her mind and call anyone out if they’re wrong or behaving badly, regardless of who they. She stands up for people, even those she doesn’t like, probably not relevant to this but just trying to paint a picture of who she is. We’ve had a nice start to the weekend and she seems somewhat relieved currently, even though nothing has changed. I hope I can come back with some good news later but what form that good news takes, is anyone’s guess at this stage.

@FavouritePJs if she struggles with exams and academic rigour, please don't encourage her down the law apprenticeship route. Due to too many people doing law, para legal work is now stuffed with youngsters with good degrees.

Fair enough, thank you.

as well as looking forward an apprenticeship I would also look at LinkedIn for entry level jobs. My son had to retake another year of a levels and decided to stop going to college in the Feb as he would ‘study’ from home. Got c, d, and e and after doing a labourers job now works as an IT technician. I think having an aim can be as important as a degree to get a career started. Good luck to your daughter!

Oh bless her… it’s so disheartening when no matter how hard you try it just doesn’t go to plan. A levels are hard! Often harder than doing a degree. Tell her you’re proud of her for giving it a go. Some people just aren’t good at exams. It sounds like she’s great at continual assessment - which is to be highly praised as she’s consistently focusing over a long period of time. She sounds perfect for an apprenticeship or a job where it’s continual assessment to become qualified so focus on that being the next stage for her. And all is not lost… she hasn’t had the results yet! Just keep reminding her that she’s given it a go and that shows resilience. Sending lots of strength to you OP… you sound like a great mum. She’ll get where she wants to be… in a few few years from now none of this will matter. She’ll be doing well and will be full of empathy and understanding for those around her.

Something else to consider is that even if she is interested in the law or policing she has time. She could do something completely different for a while if she chose, and pick up her chosen career when she is ready. Arguably, in the case of the police, it may be beneficial join after acquiring some life skills.

Would her current workplace offer her an apprenticeship (if she is interested) to let her study while she earned?

It's rubbish op, I know. My ds won't get good results either. I know he'll do fine in life. He's smart, he's funny, he works hard, exams are just not his thing. So it will all be ok.

But at this time in his life everyone is asking him about his plans, his exams, what his friends' plans are, it's really hard for the kids who don't have a plan or aren't confident in their schoolwork.

In the whole of their life it's a tiny part of them, but at this point in their life it's massive.

x

I know this sounds a bit bonkers @FavouritePJs but if the concepts of law and compliance attract her, have a think about health & safety and an apprenticeship associated with that. It attracts a lot of ex police/services at the more senior levels and it's significantly about continuous assessment/risk assessment and requires empathy for staff who are disabled or where on-going health surveillance is required: drivers, working at height, dealing with sharps, etc.

It is also an area where there are significant staff shortages and an abundance of highly paid work post apprenticeship.

actually, my husband mentioned that too as his company are shit hot around health and safety so that’s definitely a good shout, thank you.

The girl that got a legal apprenticeship at our school had 3 A stars and turned down a place at Durham for it. So not sure that’s the path here.

She will find her way op I’m sure.

Also, in five years time, A'Levels will be a distant memory and she will be judged on her achievements post school. My dc's are 30 and 27 and some of the 4 x A* and Oxbridge bunch are already retraining: one as a high end chef, one already burnt out by the daily 16 hour grunt as an associate solicitor, one has dropped out of med school.

It's a case of one more step along the way and she may well overtake the high fliers with her commitment and warrior attitude. Being knocked back early can sometimes be an advantage.

@FavouritePJs

she is only 17 and has always been the youngest in her year at school

so not even the 18 or 19 I had thought and the youngest in the year to boot. The latter can be such a hindrance for these children that Im often heard to be saying to my many children about my even more grandchildren, back in the day we had two school intakes a year and it was for the best.

I sincerely wish your warrior girl all the very best going forward 🌟

She has options as mentioned - a level 3 apprenticeship, a foundation year, access course etc - I’d suggest a pause and some decent careers guidance- she won’t know which route is best if she not sure what she wants to do.

my middle child gains A, C, E but the E was biology and she wanted to do nursing! She did a year of health and social care BTEC level 3 - a level 3 certificate, which boosted her UCAS point - then decided against nursing and is studying crim and sociology (her other 2 a levels) .

Ignore my awful fat finger spelling! Dd was also the youngest as a July baby

@FavouritePJs you sounds like a lovely supportive mum, ignore the snarky comments. I work at a RG Uni and so many students struggle and tell me they wish they had looked for an apprenticeship or worked after A levels. We all have different talents and these results will only be a tiny snapshot in your daughter’s life. Another option is the Probation Service - civil service, good pension, training, flexi working. They offer a scheme for people to train as Probation Officers covering entry level to graduates. If she is interested in working in the Criminal Justice system it could be a good option for her. Maybe consider applying for an Admin role in the Probation Service to get a taster, then she could apply to the training scheme if she likes it. Good luck and she has more options than she might realise! (You’re welcome to PM me if it helps xx)

This is a major problem with the education system post 16. The traditional A Level/Degree route is well trodden and resourced. The vocational route gets messed about with so much. GNVQ, Btecs, which were and are great replaced by T Levels, now T Levels not quite working, keep Btecs, try something else, all the time. Employers not being willing to give young people placements or apprenticeships, degrees required for jobs that should not require degrees. Plus the intellectual snobbery is high in this country, no matter what people say about trades, its always good enough for other people's children. It has been the root of the problems with vocational alternatives to A Levels, and part of the reason Polytechnics were changed to Universities.Then you have the financial aspect. If you go to University you have a loan and a maintenance loan. If you do an apprenticeship you don't get that and employers can pay you an apprenticeship wage, so often young people are restricted to apprenticeships in their locality, which is fine if you live in a big city, not so much if you don't.

Possibly, but although she likes her job and the pay is good for a 17 year old, she doesn’t really want a career in retail. I have told her there are many different opportunities working for a major retailer, not just customer facing roles so it’s definitely something to consider.

It’s a good safety net though for a year whilst she figures stuff out. And I say to students sometimes that enforced pause / breathing space is very useful.

She can look at volunteering: work experience. See if she likes the sector. There’s lots of law careers resources on line. Careers service should be able to signpost you. Police run a cadets scheme too. vpc.police.uk/

What's the issue with the A level Politics? There are lots of good revision videos on youtube and the tutor2u site is very useful.

Police run a cadets scheme too. vpc.police.uk/

It was only when I saw your link I remembered that my cousins DD is 17 and a part of this initiative. She’s on the spectrum and went through main stream school with some help but after she did her Scottish equivalent to GCSE’s she went to college about 18 months ago now and heard about the initiative there. She had her initiation? about 6 months ago and is doing really well post school days.

@Tomatotater There are far more apprenticeships at the lower levels than the degree ones. Too many degree ones were going to existing employees so 18 year olds found the remaining positions extremely difficult to get. The DD here won’t be looking for a degree one and might even find her current employer has them in back office functions. Where you are known is such a good springboard so I’d definitely look at what might be available.

The police are moving to degree holders and again often slightly older more experienced recruits. So it’s a possibility but not guaranteed.