Daughter unlikely to pass her A levels

[FavouritePJs]

my DD has always struggled at school and just managed to scrape 5 GCSE passes to enable her to be accepted into 6th form college. She works really hard, has great attendance, fully engages in lessons, does her homework and currently is doing nothing but revise, however, based on all the previous papers that she has completed
in lessons and her mocks, she’s on course to fail badly. One of her courses is a BTEC which she has passed with distinction but the exam side of things just doesn’t work for her. She’s just sat with me absolutely distraught as all of her friends are smart and she can’t face results day when they will be celebrating, she feels embarrassed and ashamed. We obviously support her unconditionally but how do I help her deal with the way she is feeling? I know as parents we always want to make everything better but I’m struggling with how to do this. Thankfully she decided long ago that uni was not for her at this stage in her life so she isn’t worried about that, but I don’t want her to feel stupid/embarressed/ashamed/failure - her words not mine. Has anyone else been through this with their child?

I’ve had students go into be 999 call handlers after A levels

I think this is a great job, one I’d fancy myself if I had my time over again and these are the entry requirements for it. You don’t even need GCSE’s but some employers may ask for them.

https://www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/explore-roles/ambulance-service-team/roles-ambulance-service/emergency-medical-dispatchercall-handler

I'd drop the politics on Monday

It’s exactly the time to do it.

Seriously, don’t be daft.

Seriously, don’t be daft

Right up until the time she’s in the exam is the time to do it.

And you having to be so rude in your reply to me says way more about you than it does about my opinion.

We were on holiday when my DC’s A level results came in. Book a holiday. Nobody needs to know her results but her.

BTW when I did my A levels I hardly attended college as I had to work. I thought I would fail. But, I got really good results. The other students and the lecturers could not believe it. Sometimes on the day it works out. This was 38 years ago though!

I don't get the impression from the OP that it's as bad as that.

I don't get the impression from the OP that it's as bad as that

of course it’s as bad as that - why send a child like a lamb to the slaughter just so it can be said an exam, any exam, was done. This girl must be going through hell on earth and what for? Not to waste exam fees, to be part of the herd, to salvage what can be salvaged - the list could go on.

This needs to be about what’s the best thing for the girl and so far I’m not seeing that because she hasn’t been offered, or doesn’t appear to have been offered all the possible solutions. And I mean offered it properly - not a lip service offer that she’d not accept because it was only words.

we have absolutely made it clear to her that she can withdraw but at the minute she seems determined to plough on, she feels withdrawing is worse than not getting the grades she would like. She withdrew from one of her GCSE subjects quite late in the day, we had requested this repeatedly but the school refused, they eventually conceded and all was good, so it’s not the first time she has had to consider this and we were 100% behind her before and will be this time, right up until the moment she enters the exam hall, she had our full backing to walk away.

@FavouritePJs

its great that you let her withdraw and her school refusing to allow it is what I meant by the en masse adults around her.

@FavouritePJs you know your child. You're simply giving her a chance down the academic route. There's other opportunities if it doesn't work. Might as well give it your best shot though right? Every success opens another door. Panic not.

That was my point, that the apprenticeship in the police is a degree. I seem to be having a day where no one understands me.

I'm sorry your DD is upset. I'm wondering if her friends are currently full of chatter about universities and she's also experiencing a bit of an "end of an era" thing.

I think you're doing the right thing on looking into what career path might be suitable.

She sounds like a wonderful young woman; she's working part time whilst pushing herself really hard at exams many students struggle with. Her future is just as bright as her friends, she just needs to find her path.

Best of luck to you both

Quite obviously because she has a chance of passing and in one a good chance. It will look s lot better (and give her a lot more options) off she has one E at least alongside her BTEC. She may even do better than that. Quite literally she now has nothing to lose by sitting then. Once she’s through them then she needs to work out what to do and find a way through, failure can actually be good for long term resilience.

Personally I never failed at anything till I was in my late 20s and it made me a lot more pragmatic and stronger in the long term.

Sending love to your daughter. My son is also saying he's going to feel like a failure on results day:-( 😕
He's really struggled with his mental health so mucb so that at periods of time he couldn't concentrate at all and is really behind. I'm celebrating him getting to the end and taking the exams. He's going to get the results emailed to him and we may take a camping trip that week xx

Can you dial down the temperature on this a bit? Tell her on results day there will be ups and downs, surprises and disappointments across the board. She needs to sit the exams, do the best she can and wait and see. What is planned for after exams - socialising, trips, etc.

Maybe don’t engage with the results day chat - chat instead about the upcoming exams, what are they about, which topics are likely to come up, what has she found interesting etc? As a teacher I can tell you getting students to formulate explanations of the subjects is a great way to revise.

If you have to, tell her that people won’t give a damn about her grades. Everyone is self involved particularly at 18. And that two or three years on, no one will be asking for her exact grades - it will be overlaid by her work experience.

And just reinforce that her grades don’t define her - look at how well she did in the BTEC course, how popular/kind/funny etc she is. That’s what counts in the long term.

And you can always bring out the ‘Jeremy Clarkson got two Es at A level’ - he says it every year!

I was going to say its often the degree apprenticeships that are hard to get onto, but the L3 or even L2, to try and get some experience in a particular field are a good way in and are more available. I was going to suggest looking for Paralegal or Legal executive apprenticeships, but I see she is keen on the police. My DS is doing similar subjects (not the Btec) and was also really into the Law bit of the Criminology course, but wants to go to University. I'd rather he did an apprenticeship. Maybe start looking at the government apprenticeships website ( I tried to post a link but cant- just look for the government apprenticeships website) so she can get excited about her next steps rather than dwelling on the results.

My daughter is the same age as yours OP, crim also being one of her A levels.

Your daughter will already have sat and got results for papers 1-3, and should know pretty much the exact number of marks required on this last paper to get whichever grade she is aiming for. According to my daughter's teacher (and my daughter agrees) paper 4 isn't as hard as paper 2 which they sat last summer. Hopefully this will be an encouragement to you daughter.

There are quite a few students in her crim class (and in her psychology class also) who are aiming for roles in the police (although not necessarily civilian roles) who are also taking BTEC UPS. This isnt one of my daughter's subjects, so I don't know anything about it, but they have strong links with the local police force for work experience, and it is apparently a much less academic subject with no exams.

That may be of no use to your daughter if she is wanting to move away from a college environment, but she does have an extra year available to her if she wants. My daughter has mentioned students taking UPS or double UPS in one year after being transferred from Alevel courses (eg psych or law) at the end of year 12, when it has become apparent that sitting exam based qualifications will not work to their strengths.

All the best to both of you. She is showing fantastic strength of character by continuing to work towards these exams and being determined to sit them. She may feel better after half term if she only has to go in to sit the exams then, rather than being there all day. There is a high level of stress in 6th forms at the moment and all talk of next steps, which won't be helping her.

Why did the school have to agree? DD hated geography and quietly quit in about the November of Y11. At the next parents' evening the geography teacher started to lecture and I simply told her "she has a heavy load and no aspiration whatsoever to do Geography at A'Level, therefore she has my full support. A school cannot force a child to attend an exam.

As long ago as 1976 (when we could fail in certain boards and others had already switched to A to E and unclassified), I suspected I had a high chance of getting a D in French having never learnt my vocab or verb endings. I went into the hall, wrote my name and nothing else. I got a U. A U didn't appear on the certificate. That was preferable to a D as far as my 15 year old self was concerned. My French is passable after 25 years of practical use.

It was far healthier for the late boomers, when two or three O'Levels was considered simply as not academic or good at exams (Princess Diana for example), and there was still a difference between being well educated and well qualified, and the non academic girls did secretarial courses, cordon bleu Cookery or floristry/interior design (snd nursing which required 3 O'Levels locally) and the boys did landscape gardening, estate agency or sales. Some of those people made a huge success of their lives. I even recall stockbrokers with two or three O'Levels, from my City days, admittedly the generation before me, who were the sharpest, best read people I've ever met and who had more nouse and emotional intelligence in their little fingers than the Harvard and Stanford MBAs who were coming in.

I’m a teacher and it honestly isn’t quite as formulaic as this. Some students just aren’t suited to A level and it’s heartbreaking to watch them try and fail.

Personally I never failed at anything till I was in my late 20s and it made me a lot more pragmatic and stronger in the long term

you didn’t fail anything until your late 20’s which is way older than this girl is now and what I understand from the Op’s posts her DD has struggled through exams for quite some now, and even then her results haven’t been great.

She knows what it is to struggle and has done for years, way sooner than you ever had to, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s all out of struggling because she’s quite simply had enough of it. And how old is she? Eighteen or nineteen?

Quite honestly I don’t understand how you’re able to even think your situation is in anyway comparable to hers and something she could learn from or be encouraged by.

@FrenchandSaunders I think it’s always been like that. I was at a grammar school and left in 87 - I went to do a BTEC at college as I felt a levels were not for me.

in that school it was definately viewed negatively / the path was a levels then degree in nice traditional subject.

Fairly obviously again protecting kids from failure makes them frightened of it. You see it everywhere in young people.

I don’t understand why some people on this thread seem invested in this girl not being successful in life.

If she manages to pass one of those A levels, having struggled that is a huge achievement. But people just want to put her down and dismiss lower grades.

I don’t understand the nastiness/ one upmanship on this thread at all.

Book something nice to celebrate her efforts rather than the results. I’m taking DD and her cousin on a sunny holiday post A levels whilst it’s a bit cheaper pre school holidays. You are proud of her for doing her best is the message. As my nana used to say ‘angels can’t do better.’ I think it will be hard to avoid results day chat amongst friends etc even if she doesn’t go in person. You just have to work on the message that she will have a good life whatever happens and you love her and are there for her. Maybe practice something to say like ‘well I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped but it doesn’t matter I have x,y,z thing lined up’

I wasn't very good at school. I was probably undiagnosed dyslexic (ds is diagnosed dyslexic). I had 3 very academic siblings. I have one super academic DD.

I got several promotions at work having entered at low clerical grade. I have skills no exam would identify. I do however still feel inadequate even though work wise am probably more successful than my academic siblings. It never goes away that feeling of not being good enough.

I think what you are doing is all the right things. Reminding her you are proud of her and just being there without judgement is probably more important than you think (I never had that).

Must be very frustrating she couldn't do more BTEC style exams. Others here have more practical advice on next steps.