Care order for 17 year old?????

[Dadgivingup]

Dear mums... I could really use some help here, especially if any are well-versed in the law. Plus, I want a mum's perspective.

DD turned 17 back in February. A few days ago DD and I had a bit of an alchol-fueled argument over her marks and she left.

After bombarding her with calls, come to find out, she's been staying with a former friend of mine's who is a bit over a year younger than me (I'm 35). They first met when she was almost 16, and several months later I noticed they both often would talk about each other unprovoked. She's currently not dating a boy around her own age to my knowledge (15-19).

This man in the recent past has gone to Thailand multiple times and boasted to me about all the 17/18 year olds he hooked up with. I know he also does drugs like cocaine and ketamine. Despite the fact she was a 100% legal girl/woman/whatever by the time I found all this out, I immediately cut all ties with this guy and she never saw him again.

Her DM thinks I'm overreacting since she's a "grown adult woman" now, so I'm refusing to even give my ex another second.

I'm extremely concerned about her, but it feels like all legal protections like care orders only apply to under-17's, but "parental responsibility" ends at 18. What responsibilities do I really have over her if I can't even get a care order anymore???? What can I do to bring her home????

Alternatively, should I just let her go and use this as a learning experience like her DM suggests? It seems like most threads I've read on here have issues with teen ages gaps like 15/16/17 or 16/18, but 17 year olds are viewed as adults here.

I was 18 and DM was 16 when she was conceived. I just don't want her to make the same mistakes her parents did, but with a guy about twice her age and who should know better.

• A petrified dad

No 16 year old boy is going to go to prison or be attacked by vigilantes for having sex with a nearly 16 year old girl. You are being ridiculous.

The only person who should be in prison is you.

He could have been a millionaire. I don't understand your point.

He could have been 17...

I’m fully aware that this may not be the post you want to read but -
Youve not quite got this Parenting lark sorted, have you, @Dadgivingup?
Think a bit, before you act. Then think a bit more. Then sleep off the alcohol and think again. This 3rd set of thinking may be the least bad.
Oh and talk to her; don’t shout

17 year olds don't go to prison for having consensual sex with 15 year olds in this country.

What the actual - the current situation of you assaulting a child (in the eyes of the law) is legal?! Must have missed the memo. Wow - there really is no hope. Honestly, I hope your daughter is able to find somewhere safe as it doesn’t sound like she is with you. As a professional in this area, you cannot get a Care Order through applying as a parent, these last until 18 and only the court can grant that, in this situation you wouldn’t dictate that, they would, if you have Parental Responsibility you could chose to jointly share PR by having a Section 20 but ultimately you cannot force her to return, and let’s face it at her age, she can vote with her feet i.e. she won’t stay. Private orders tend to last until 16. You need to work on the relationship to stand any chance of her wanting to return. She can also request and agree to being accommodated herself if she doesn’t want to be at home generally from 16+ through signing Section 20 herself.

I was referring to a sexual relationship between a 17 year old and 33 year old being legal and acceptable.

Nobody in their right mind thinks a 17 year old male is a child. The 17 year old guy a school year above DD was taller than me, even though at 34 somehow I had an upper body strength advantage.

Do you think they should like they do in Ireland or the USA?

Yep us mums of sons disown them as our children at 16/17
Most men don't haven't grown in the their full form at 17
You are still bragging you beat up a child. Yet you haven't beat up the 33 year man.

No we all think you should have been prosecuted for assault on a minor!

Try apologising to her for getting drunk and having a go at her, sit down and actually have an adult conversation.
Listen to her properly stay calm and explain why you are worried about this man she’s staying with.

What nonsense

Back to the original point

have you spoken to the school? Assuming she’s about to sit exams. School are also responsible for safe guarding aren’t they? Can they talk to her.

contact Social services yourself and let them know the situation.

This isn’t real. You would’ve been charged if you’d beaten up a minor.

And if it is, she’s well rid of you.

But he could have been 16...? So possibly just a few months older than your daughter? You beat up a minor. You get drunk and yell at your child. I don't care what trauma you suffered, your actions are unforgivable.

If you want to know why your daughter is living with a man nearly your age, go look in the mirror. She's probably safer with him, even what you have said about him, than she is living with you! You are a nasty, vindictive drunk and I hope she stays away from you and gets appropriate counselling to help her get back on track with her life.

If this is real, poor daughter. A levels are such a step up from GCSEs and so pressured. With all this going on ( if it’s true) she won’t be able to focus on the understanding and application needed at A level. How did she do in GCSEs I wonder, and how were your A levels OP.

The school may be able to obtain some support for her.

It's quite likely that your DD is safer with this 33yo man than she is with you and if shes not, its you who has driven her in that direction anyways. Atleast he may be able to protect her from you. You're ruining your daughters life! And you are also VERY abusive and it is no surprise her mother is barely in the picture now as you probably destroyed her life too, its just a shame she didnt take DD with her. I pray to God she never finds her way back home to you.

And this is coming from someone who at 17, fresh out of care, had a very long toxic involvement with a man in his 30s.

NRTFT as shocked by this. Totally unacceptable.
The man your daughter is staying with is too old imo for a boyfriend for her but she may well feel safer there than with you.
Until I read you beat up a young man I was on your side but now I think you need anger management and therapy to manage your emotions.
I just hope your aggressiveness hasn’t driven your daughter to an abusive situation.

Reported.

I’ve read a bit more and can’t believe this is real.
if it is I feel so sorry for the daughter and impressed she is still in school. Hopefully she will get good A levels and get away from the lot of you.

By the sound of it, she's turning to an older man because her own dad is a useless, violent lump. Maybe pay for her therapy, and stay tf away? And seek anger management advice.

I've spoken with the school, and I've also met with my parents last night about the situation. We all agree it's best she moves in with them at least until she's done with exams, but it'll probably be until she's 18. She has always had a good relationship with her grandparents.

I've sent her a text message to meet up with my parents and I at a cafe. No response yet.

Also, I never told my mum and dad that I beat up the 17 year old bf a school year above until that point. They said they would have reported me to the police had they known about it back then, and had they had parental responsibility over her, would have let them date at that time.

Are you implying it would have been more justified if he was 17? Chances are he was, since I seem to recall DD saying he was learning to drive at the time.

Also, I never laid a hand on her or her mum.