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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

boarding school!

34 replies

Rosbo · 09/05/2008 21:26

DD2 - 15yrs is driving me nuts as you will know if you've read any other bulletins posted by me. She needs independance but not too much and she needs rules. I however have a 3yr old and another one the way in september and I just am unable to do this. Do you think I should send her to a boarding school for sixth form? Would this teach her independance? I think she would enjoy it actually. Just would miss her an awful lot!

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 09/05/2008 21:31

Tricky one! If she wanted the chance of a bit more independence then it might work well, but I'd say there's a real risk she might feel rejected, and that you were just shoving her out of the way when the baby arrives.

nearlybonkers · 09/05/2008 21:35

I need to look at other bulletins posted to give a real opinion. Part of school spent at B/S, part comp.
Some of the girls sprouted but one of my daughter's friends (sent to B/S) when mum died ended up trying to commit suicide- sectioned - and hopefully on the mend but.

It's not simple: at 15 - has she started G.C.S.E.s would it be better to pay for some councilling to find the source of the problem?

jura · 09/05/2008 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Rosbo · 09/05/2008 21:40

she is doing her gcses right now...well just about to. so i'd be looking at sending her next september. have found some schools and want to look round some. i wouldnt send her there unless i was truly happy with the school and knew that she'd be okay and that if she wanted to come home she could, anytime. It would be a 2 hour drive at the most, I wouldnt let her be further away than that.

OP posts:
ScienceTeacher · 09/05/2008 21:46

Would she like to go to boarding school?

The kind of things she could get out of it would be structure to the day, taking responsibility for her own personal care (eg getting her clothes to the laundry on time), and having responsibilities in the school (prefect-type stuff).

ScienceTeacher · 09/05/2008 21:48

BTW, my DS2 has requested that he go to boarding school for sixth form. He did some boarding at prep school, but is now in an independent day school.

The boarding school he wants to go to is in the USA!

It suits some kids, but not all. If it is a fit, it is a wonderful education.

Quattrocento · 09/05/2008 21:55

Sorry to be unkind but this sounds to me to be more about you than her "I am just unable to do this" you said. I don't think you should send her away. IME it has potential to destroy your relationship with her forever. Is this a second family scenario?

Anyhow I don't think you should mention it to her. It would be different if she mentions it to you. of course.

foxinsocks · 09/05/2008 21:58

I think it depends if she wants to.

I wanted to at that age and loved it. Every minute of it.

But if she has an INKLING of you wanting rid of her, then that's not a good thing. If it can be played as an idea that she has generated, then that's a different thing?

I also think you may be overplaying the rules thing. There were rules when I was at boarding school but it doesn't take much to realise that rules can be broken .

mumeeee · 09/05/2008 22:24

If she would like to go to boarding school then let her go. But only do this if it what she really wants to do otherwise she will feel your are pushing her out.
DD2 18 went to 6th form colege after her GCSE's ( she is finishing in June) and she has realy loved it. It has given her a bit more independence and ther are some college rules she needs to stick to if she wants to come out with good grades.
Also why can't she have more independence now and could you set out a couple of house rules?

Original poster
Rosbo · 09/05/2008 22:43

She has been suspended once in the last couple of months, she got caught with weed and alcohol the other night and got in trouble with the police for it. shes rude, and never helps around the house. No this isn't a second family scenario. Much as I love her I can't deal with a drug addict and a newborn and a toddler and a 19 year old DD and a DH....could you?!

OP posts:
mumeeee · 09/05/2008 22:59

A lot of 15 year olds are rude and don't help round the house. i
I can see that you are having a difficult time. Is there anyone who could help you. Can your 19 year old DD and your DH help?

Original poster
Rosbo · 09/05/2008 23:01

DH is ALWAYS working, which is good cos at the moment i'm a sahm and i would be maternity anyway. 19 year old DD is at Uni 300 miles away....so not really! I do have a nanny however.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 09/05/2008 23:04

I'm not sure that turfing her out will solve those problems though Rosbo. She could get alcohol and drugs at boarding school and then get expelled from there too.

I mean, she's your daughter, surely you want to try and deal with her?

and getting caught with weed does not equal drug addict!

Original poster
Rosbo · 09/05/2008 23:08

okay fair point. I obviously need to try and spend some time with her....ahh.

OP posts:
llareggub · 09/05/2008 23:10

From what I remember from university it was the ex boarding school students who had the biggest drug problems.

foxinsocks · 09/05/2008 23:11

nah, that's not what I meant.

I know how obnoxious and blardy difficult teenagers can be and maybe she would enjoy boarding school but she has to have some buy-in to it, don't you agree?

it's just that your posts scream getting rid of her that's all.

and maybe it's not like that at all in real life and you have a lot on your plate coming up but is it possible she's feeling a bit pushed out?

or has she got into a funny group of friends? that can make a big difference at that age

Quattrocento · 09/05/2008 23:23

I can't deal with a drug addict and a newborn and a toddler and a 19 year old DD and a DH....could you?!

The 19 YO DD is at university 300 miles away
Your DH is an adult
The toddler and newborn are hard work but you do have a nanny

I don't know who the drug addict is - IME a spliff does not a drug addict make

What about relationship counselling?

controlfreakyagain · 09/05/2008 23:27

dont you spend time with her now? how long have things been difficult between you? how were things before that? why do you think she is rude / unhappy?

Original poster
Rosbo · 09/05/2008 23:27

relationship counselling with her....embarrassing!!

OP posts:
controlfreakyagain · 09/05/2008 23:28

why embaressing? do you not consider the two of you have a relationship? you have posted that at the moment it's a difficult one....

Quattrocento · 09/05/2008 23:30

Why embarrassing Rosbo? She's your daughter, you love her, you want to make peace with her and you want her to be happy. What can be embarrassing?

llareggub · 09/05/2008 23:30

You have posted quite a few threads on here about your personal life. Do you think you all might benefit from some counselling? Is your relationship with your husband any better?

lilolilmanchester · 09/05/2008 23:35

Most 15 year-olds drive their parents nuts. In my opinion (and I do have a difficult 15 year old, even compared to most others), I wouldn't want to delegate my parental responsibility now, any more than at the difficult new born/weaning/toddler stage, UNLESS it was agreed with all parties that it would be better for her longer term. However, even then, you need to be really sensitive how you broach it, so she doesn't look back as an adult and think that either you couldn't be bothered to deal with the difficult times/wanted her out of the way to be with the cute little siblings. NOT saying this is the case, just saying how she might see it later on, even if she seems ok with it now.

Original poster
Rosbo · 09/05/2008 23:57

i guess. no my whole family does not need counselling thankyou llareggub

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 10/05/2008 00:04

What I would like in my household is harmony and peace and understanding - mostly what I get is squabbles between my DC

I don't think that counselling is a negative thing - I believe it can help and I do think that family based counselling can be very helpful

I'm sure it wasn't a suggestion that was designed to be anything other than helpful

I hope you find a way to make peace with your daughter