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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

why do parents of teenagers STRESS so much about tidy bedrooms/

74 replies

FluffyMummy123 · 09/05/2008 15:46

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
Tortington · 09/05/2008 15:48

i dont care

the only rule is

if the room is untidy - your friends can't come in

i think some parents have too much time on their hands clearly - or like martyrdom.

what right minded person cooks and cleans and picks up after another perfectly able person - whilst they have a social life?

eh?

Psychomum5 · 09/05/2008 15:51

yes!!!

I have these arguements with my DD's.....drives me nuts!!!

I hate going past their rooms and not seeing order

I hate giving them nicely ironed clothes and then the clothes being dumped on the floor, and then I get yelled at as the clothes are not sorted, or they reckon I haven;t done them, or that one their sisters has stolen something......

I hate seeing glasses and cups and dishes that they squirrel away up there even tho there is a ban on food upstairs

I hate the fact that I put effort into keeping them in nice clothes, nice things, nice rooms, and they create disorder!!!

and I hate ME, as I swore that I would never ever do this do my children (and the face is directed at myelf)

Psychomum5 · 09/05/2008 15:52

I may care less when DD1 is 16....

or I may care less when I drink more!!!

SKYTVADDICT · 09/05/2008 15:54

I have just got into this (DD1 is 12 and I am 27 weeks pregnant). I have decided I will not be picking up after her but still find I am constantly nagging her. DP and I decided to do her a list (which we haven't done yet) which we hope she will follow. Nothing major but wet towels on the bedroom floor or bed will not dry for the next shower! Also we would like her to open her bedroom curtains in the morning and possibly pull her quilt up! At the moment she can only have friends round if her room is reasonable. Make up, make up wipes, cotton wool, make up remover etc covering the bathroom window sill is also driving me mad! Does she not know where the bathroom cabinet is? Oh yes she does because she just got them out!!

Rant over

oxocube · 09/05/2008 15:55

I can tolerate a great deal but when their rooms start to smell a bit odd and I find mouldy apple cores and empty crisp packets everywhere, then I get a bit peeved I also refuse to wash any clothes which are dumped on bedroom floors - when my kids run out of clean stuff, they tend to get th message! They are almost 13, 10 and 6

Original poster
FluffyMummy123 · 09/05/2008 15:55

Message withdrawn

OP posts:
noddyholder · 09/05/2008 15:58

It does drive me mad at times but it is his room and he can live in a pigsty if he wants.I don't mind mess but hate the clothes everywhere scenario esp as I have washed them and they still end up on the floor.Ds does his room every sat am before he goes out for the day and i am happy with that.I remember when I was a teenager my mum used to freak about it and I thought it was nuts but now it annoys me and i'm not sure why

MumRum · 09/05/2008 15:59

My DH likes the kids to have tidy rooms... Me, I'm not to bothered, I think that if he wants their rooms a particular way... then he should help them.. ie, at the end of the day when they are going to bed suggest to them, whilst chatting about their day, to put things in the washing bin, hang things up, etc... not bellow when he comes in the door at night 'are your rooms tidy'!!
I also think its a control thing....

RustyBear · 09/05/2008 16:03
  • because if you just leave it eventually every towel, glass, plate, phone handset rechargeable battery in the house will be in the teenagers room. As well as my fluffy bathrobe, my nice hairbrush and the MP3 docking station from the kitchen.

And when you go in there to retrieve them you will tread on nameless things under the sedimentary layer of clothes that will either squish or crack....

brimfull · 09/05/2008 16:04

My dd's room is a bomb site,literally there is stuff everywhere.

I gave up pestering her long ago.About 4yrs ago.

It's amazing how quickly it gets cleaned up when she's having friends around to sleep.

She does want some new drawers but dh refuses as it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference.
I'd buy her some as I think half the problem is her drawers are too full.
Actually I'm talking crap it would still be messy .

brimfull · 09/05/2008 16:05

my dd's terrible for borrowing my stuff and not returning it

now that does piss me off and I do rant about that

she's getting better and returns my makeup now

AMAZINWOMAN · 09/05/2008 16:07

I don't mind about the mess in my children's bedrooms. I gave up years ago on that!

What I hate though, is that they drop their things all over the rest of the house, as if its their bedroom!

Mercy · 09/05/2008 16:08

I remember my mum going on at me about this!

You should see the state of my bedroom now though

Madlentileater · 09/05/2008 16:12

drives me mad but there is a difference between untidy (their problem) and unhygeinic (starts to impact on the rest of us) I've stopped washing for DS1 as his clean,dry,folded clothes just ended up on the floor with the crisp packets etc. Also annoying is the serial use and hiding of towels, so they end up with 5 wet towels on the floor and no one else has one. So, to answer Y11, it's about the boundary between behaviour which only affects you, and that which affects the people you share a roof with.

Psychomum5 · 09/05/2008 16:24

I do let them get on with it cod, I just let rip at them once a month!!!

I ask them weekly to tidy up, but that is mainly so that they can find their school books etc!!!!

once a month however, then the street hears my rants.

I hate myself for not letting them have their rooms to themselves.....altho I am not so bad that I shout every night.

striking a balance tho......tis the hardest job with regards to parenting a teenager.

greenday · 09/05/2008 16:34

Custardo, that's a very interesting philosophy to apply! I must remember to do the same when my DD is older (long year to go, only 3yrs now). Just wondering, how old was your DD when you applied that rule?

suedonim · 09/05/2008 17:16

It's a waste of time to concern yourself with the state of teens' bedrooms. It leads to stress all round and arguments for no gain. As long as there's no livestock, ignore it.

Wrt to things like towels, hide your own and give them just a couple to use. And if the sight of their room offends you as you pass by, install a bead or voile curtain on the outside so you can't see in!

amicissima · 09/05/2008 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JudgeNutmeg · 09/05/2008 17:55

I live in a chalet bungalow. The absolutely best thing about having arthritis is the fact that I rarely go upstairs to the boys bedrooms. Once every few weeks I go up and supervise them changing their sheets, they bring down their washing on a Friday and take back up a basket of clothes a few days later.

My ds wet-wipes his desk etc because he is a bit asthmatic and my young'un lives in a room that resembles the scene of a break-in.

Downstairs is lovely and there's no reason at all for any guests to go upstairs. Perfect.

sarah293 · 09/05/2008 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

3littlefrogs · 09/05/2008 18:15

Psychomum5 - Why are you ironing their clothes?

I typed out the instructions for the washing machine when my dss were 13 and 15 and stuck it on the wall. They are responsible for their own laundry and their own rooms. Any mess they leave around the house/out on the landing, I put in a black binbag and place it in their beds. Then I close the door. .

If they do not bring their dirty cups etc downstairs and load/unload the dishwasher, they do not get their allowance for their lunches etc.

I have plenty of other things to do.

3littlefrogs · 09/05/2008 18:17

Having said that, the towel situation drives me mad. I am still looking for a lockable linen cupboard to put in the bathroom.

OverMyDeadBody · 09/05/2008 18:21

Psychomum5 are you my mum?!

You sound just like her

brimfull · 09/05/2008 18:21

I no longer iron for dd..pointless

I do ask her not to eat in her room,or leave food.I have scared her by saying that mice will come in if she does.

Dh and I regularly are flabbergasted when she emerges looking fabulous ,all dressed up for party from the shite hole of a bedroom.

We should all share photos of teenage bedrooms ,I bet dd's would be the messiest.

OverMyDeadBody · 09/05/2008 18:24

In fact, my mum spent four hours today tidying my 21 yr old sister's bedroom, and then complained about it to me. My sister will be furious when she fionds out, as she is perfectly capable of tidying it herself, and yet my mum can't just leave it, despite my sister being an adult now!

I told her how did she ever expect my siblings to tidy up after themselves when she was always doing it for them?

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