Page 2 | why do parents of teenagers STRESS so much about tidy bedrooms/

Joash · 09/05/2008 18:34

nah - most teenager idea of "not unhygenic" is definately unhygenic.

DS is almost 19, his room is our only issue with him, mainly as it stinks when he opens the door. However, I absolutely would not go in there to tidy it (or for any other reason actually) - mainly becasue I fear for my own safety and am not sure if I will get out alive, especially afterbreathing his rancid air.

Another one who squirrels dishes and glasses away in there and we don't get to see them until he is growing some sort of culture in them.

He also collects dirty clothes in there, including his ghastly sweaty work clothes and brings them down only when he can fill three large sacks.

He has a lovely girlfriend, who stays over on a weekly basis -how the hell she can stand to even go in that cess pit, i'll never know (or understand).

hls · 09/05/2008 19:33

Just take a chill pill, as mine used to say before they went off to uni.

I was eventually pretty relaxed with my 2 - now aged 21 and 19. Their rooms were ALWAYS a mess- in fact my daughters more than my son's.

I had 2 rules only- dirty laundry goes into the wash basket or it doesn't get washed ( even if that meant having no undies or school shirts) and no left over food in rooms for hygiene reasons. As far as poss, no food in rooms, full stop.

Every now and again,(every couple of months??) I'd ask them to hoover and do a clean, and say they couldn't have a lift anywhere unless they did- we live in a small village no pub. transport.

TBH I was more concerned about their A levels etc and their choice of friends ( both fine, BTW) and felt that nagging over bedrooms was a waste of time.

I didn'tlike the look of their rooms, but I leanred to shut the door and let them get on with it.

Now they have both left home, and I really miss them,their rooms are empty and perfectly clean and tidy- I know which I prefer!

bagsforlife · 09/05/2008 20:25

Agree with hls, there are MUCH more important things to stress about than tidy rooms. My older two have left as well and I know what you mean about empty, tidy rooms and missing them!!! .........still will soon be back for summer hols and then the filth will begin again. Having said that DS (19) keeps his university room strangely neat and tidy so there is hope yet (or he's got a secret neat and tidy girlfriend).

random · 09/05/2008 20:30

Have never stressed about the state of Ds(15) pigsty bedroom lifes to short ..just keep the door closed is my motto My 2 eldest daughters have now left home and their houses are much tidier then mine and they both had very messy rooms!

hls · 09/05/2008 20:49

bagsforlife- agreed, though my two still have pretty messy rooms at uni- though not so bad as at home!

It's either all or nothing at home- really tidy ( and no kids) or complete chaos, as they ave t empty their student digs and try to fit it all in at home for 3 months...aaarg!

PuppyDogTails · 09/05/2008 20:54

I get peeved because stuff gets lost and broken. There will be a major panic on a regular basis for example when the organiser cannot be found, I've got better things to do with my time than search through piles of discarded clothes for something that should be looked after.

Piffle · 09/05/2008 20:55

can handle big untidy curtains not drawn bed not made clothes on floor.
cannot tolerate him not putting clean clothes away properly esp if ironed and/or for school. And he must keep his extensive art supplies in order and file his school work in such a way he can find it again.
aside from that no issues.
he is 14 and is v v v disorganised as a rule I am frequently employed trying to change that.

mumeeee · 09/05/2008 22:10

DD2 18 and DD3 16 both have very messy rooms
They do tidy it from time to time in fact DD2 is doing hers now.

windygalestoday · 09/05/2008 22:16

i just clean it everyday and tidy round - i have 2 sons sharing 1 room so i think its fair i do it bcos otherwise theyd rgue over whose mess it is.

BrassicaNapusNapobrassica · 09/05/2008 22:25

It's easy to say 'why fret' but surely it's the parents' duty to teach their offspring life skills. Mucking yourself out is a life skill. Being organised is a life skill. It's ridiculous to think you shouldn't care.

My son (16) is tidy and pretty well-organised. DS2 (12) is getting there but we have lots of conversations about fuggy smelly cricket kit left in sport bag and damp towels left in a heap on the floor.

Isn't it a bit like saying: Let your 2 year old shit on the carpet, why do you fret so much?

BabieWabbit · 09/05/2008 22:33

My mum (wabbit) should be here now she won't let the topic of the current state of my room drop...I know i should tidy it but there are way more important things on my mind like the cute university student next door

RustyBear · 09/05/2008 22:34

DD has actually tidied her room twice within the last week (the first time lasted 2 days before she dumped the entire contents of her drawers on the floor/bed in search of a particular bra)

I think she may have been influenced the fact that she is hoping to go to university in October & DS (who has been at university for 2 years) pointed out that wherever she decides to live neither her house mates nor the university management wouild be very impressed by the levels of untidiness she manages to achieve!

(Quote from the university website:It is a condition of the Accommodation Agreement that students make their rooms available for cleaning on the appropriate day of the week, with all items cleared from the floor area. Students must also ensure a reasonable level of cleanliness in their rooms, particularly if they are living in shared accommodation. )

ScienceTeacher · 09/05/2008 22:36

I am concerned more with hygiene that tidiness. My boys' bathroom could be a good microbiology experiment if I did not hassle them to clean it. Other than that, I get bothered when we have run out of mugs and glasses in the kitchen!

TBH, their room has been remarkably tidy of late. I'm wondering if DS1 is using his GCSE revision time to clean his room.

Original poster

FluffyMummy123 · 09/05/2008 22:37

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

RustyBear · 09/05/2008 22:40

Yes, but that's their interpretation Cod - their parents might have a different definition of unhygenic....

ScienceTeacher · 09/05/2008 22:42

You are assuming that people hang onto your every word, however jumbled, Cod

Original poster

FluffyMummy123 · 09/05/2008 22:43

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

RustyBear · 09/05/2008 22:43

"I'm wondering if DS1 is using his GCSE revision time to clean his room."

Probably - DH is supposed to be writing a course he's giving next week - so far tonight he has done the washing up, taken the rubbish out, cleaned the worktops & sorted out his briefcase - he's run out of jobs & is going to have to start typing soon...

hls · 09/05/2008 23:00

IMO you should be worried if your teenager has GOT a tidy room!

BRASSICA- I hardly think tidying a room is a life skill, FGS! and it's not exactly in the same league as potty training, is it?!

It's not a case of them not-knowing-how to do it- it's a case of not WANTING to! Totally different.

They will learn to change when they feel the effects- such as not being able to find work they need ( and facing the flak at school) or not having clean clothes.

I tell you, life's too short. Once they have left home you will wonder "Why did i make all that fuss over tidying a room".

themoon66 · 09/05/2008 23:04

Hahaha.. this thread is timely.

DS announced yesterday that he would be staying in to 'tidy' his room. Me and DH fell about laughing as we have been in this house for 2 years now and DS has never ever tidied his room.

Just now.. 20 mins ago.. DS comes down as says.. is it ok of {girlfriend} comes over tomorrow!

sallystrawberry · 09/05/2008 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBella · 09/05/2008 23:10

I think tidying up is a life-skill actually.

I know this because I still haven't quite acquired it. And most of my life I've been desperately out of control and short of time because my house has been a tip and I can't find what I need. No amount of inconvenience taught me to tidy up, it's simply not true that feeling the effects of being untidy will change behaviour. It doesn't, I promise.

I stress about my kids' rooms being untidy because I fear they will suffer the same hideous inconvenience in life that I have. But I don't know how to solve it. [incompetent icon]

ButterflyMcQueen · 09/05/2008 23:11

cod sorry only read op

you will change when you have them

girls are unhygienic

its not nice

hls · 10/05/2008 07:48

Little Bella

It's not that hard- honestly!

Some basics:

Set aside one hour a day for housework and tidying up.

everything has a place- put them in their place as soon as you are finished with them/it.

tackle one room every day- toys upstairs in kids' rooms if applicable.

Old newspapers recycled.

Washing and ironing- keep on top of.

Dust and hoover once or twice a week up and downstairs.

Delegate delegate delegate- get kids to clear away their own stuff.

At least twice a year have a blitz and recycle all old clothes and toys to charity shops etc.

I can't see how it's hard- it just takes a bit of planning- make a list the night before if you need to and tick off as you do the chores.

easy peasy.

mumblechum · 10/05/2008 13:50

I just keep the door shut and let him get on with it, except on Sat ams I ask him to chuck his 5 dirty school shirts & trousers in the washbasket.

As far as I'm concerned, it's hs personal space.