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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenage party - how to keep it safe?

95 replies

AnonymouseQuestion · 23/11/2024 07:11

I’ve agreed my DD can have a party for her 16th. She wants 40 people, a speaker system hired so the music is loud, a couple of outdoor heaters as I’ve said they must be in the garden unless it’s raining and me and her dad to stay upstairs throughout unless there is trouble. Her 18 year old brother has said he will police the door and only allow in those on the list.

Any tips for keeping it controlled and safe? I’m really regretting agreeing to this as every friend I tell says I’m crazy and it will get out of hand.

OP posts:
Makelikeatreeandleaf · 23/11/2024 07:17

No advice OP but you are a braver woman than me. Will they have access to a loo? What's your (attempt) on an alcohol policy?

Theholdovers · 23/11/2024 07:18

IME, kids are grateful that someone will hold the party so are generally respectful. My rules were:

  1. only genuine friends - no plus ones
  2. any drugs and the party stopped immediately
  3. only alcohol supplied by us was allowed (pre-mixed cans, beers etc) plenty of soft drinks so we could control how pissed anyone was likely to get.
  4. any vomiting was to be cleaned up by the host or their guests (tbf, that didn’t happen)
  5. any aggro and the party stopped immediately
  6. Definitely supply supply pizza/snacks to soak up any booze

If you don’t think they will comply, don’t allow the party. Only you know if your DC is sensible enough.

Theholdovers · 23/11/2024 07:20

Ps pre-mixed cans are way lower in alcohol than just giving a bottle of spirits for them to mix badly. I did also use to hire outdoor loos but I do understand that these are expensive.

You will need to let the neighbours know if there is a sound system outdoors. Can you borrow any cheap gazebos if it rains? You don’t want 40 kids inside really…

Original poster
AnonymouseQuestion · 23/11/2024 07:27

Thanks all. Some good ideas here.

We have a downstairs loo and my plan is to rope off a route so they can go from the front door past the downstairs loo and into the garden and back so they always have access but don’t roam the house.

Ive been clear that any sign of drugs and they are all out.

im torn on alcohol. I know it will be there but I thought I shouldn’t buy any as they are all under age. If the sneak stuff in. Which I’m sure all of them will, that’s different to any parents accusing me of supplying it illegally. But the mixer cans are a tempting idea. Not sure which way to go with that.

the garden is large and has a small covered area and also a shed with a sofa and two arms chairs so there is some shelter for rain but not enough for all. I could hire a small side less gazebo.

OP posts:
coffeeandteav · 23/11/2024 07:30

My daughter gave her friend a pan to be sick in!! Apparently it was the first thing to hand! Wasn't best pleased.

Agree if parents supply their own kids alcohol thats up to them. I wouldn't buy it.

Just watch they don't congregate in the toilet in groups. Mine have a tendency to do this.

It is really stressful.
Provide food it helps with any alcohol amd keeps them entertained.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 23/11/2024 07:32

I agree with mixer cans/beer. The alcohol percentage is SO low, and then you (or your son) can have a no outside alcohol rule and avoid anything stronger appearing! I'd also get lots of 0% alcohol beer of the same brand as the beer you buy and 0% mocktail cans so those who don't want to drink more can still look 'cool'.

Original poster
AnonymouseQuestion · 23/11/2024 07:33

Maybe I should put buckets in the garden for sick?!?? Ugh.

I intend to chuck them out at 11.30 and DD is baking Christmas cookies and writing notes to give the neighbours to apologise in advance for the noise.

OP posts:
Westfacing · 23/11/2024 07:34

Forty is a lot of young people to have in your house and garden!

As for you and DH staying upstairs - I'd not hide away for the duration; be present when they arrive so they know and understand that you are around and will be making the odd appearance. It won't spoil the fun but it might stop anyone who wants to do anything too stupid.

Coldandunderablanket · 23/11/2024 07:35

I've just had one and it was really stressfully. About 60 turned up, they all sneaked in vodka and got absolutely hammered very quickly. They threw up everywhere. Dd absolutely hated it as felt responsible and couldnt relax. I threw them all out at 10.30pm. They were in fairness all lovely kids who left and said thank you. It was soooo messy afterwards, nothing was damaged but my phone charger was stolen..... I will never have another

McSpoot · 23/11/2024 07:36

I’d be worried about the combination of sound system “so it can be loud” and having it in the garden. How late will they be disturbing the neighbors until?

Theholdovers · 23/11/2024 07:36

There will be vomit if you don’t control the alcohol…. Agree supplying NoZecco, 0% beers and mixers is also a good idea. Try and make them the same brands as they often don’t realise and end up drinking AF instead ;-)

Westfacing · 23/11/2024 07:38

AnonymouseQuestion · 23/11/2024 07:33

Maybe I should put buckets in the garden for sick?!?? Ugh.

I intend to chuck them out at 11.30 and DD is baking Christmas cookies and writing notes to give the neighbours to apologise in advance for the noise.

And advise the neighbours in advance about the chucking-out time - then they''ll be forgiving as it's a reasonable time for the noise to end!

Theholdovers · 23/11/2024 07:38

Westfacing · 23/11/2024 07:34

Forty is a lot of young people to have in your house and garden!

As for you and DH staying upstairs - I'd not hide away for the duration; be present when they arrive so they know and understand that you are around and will be making the odd appearance. It won't spoil the fun but it might stop anyone who wants to do anything too stupid.

I agree with being present.

Guest100 · 23/11/2024 07:43

Can you make having any bags checked on entry a condition? Take anything that can hold liquid and just supply low alcohol drinks. Don’t stay upstairs. You don’t need to hover, but don’t be too far away. Anyone being sick or too drunk gets their parents called.

Soontobe60 · 23/11/2024 07:51

Absolutely not! Your neighbours will not be pleased at the noise for a start - there’s no way only the invited will turn up - and no way you’d be able to check. For a 16th there should be a no alcohol policy at all - either bought by you or brought in by others. What’s plan B if it’s pouring down?

Doingmybest12 · 23/11/2024 07:52

How can this be in your garden, so noisy once music is outside, . I think 40 is a lot of people for any party. Agreed they need to feel you are around to a degree, you need the amount of guests that you think will respect your home and be manageable rather than crowd control keeping them outside and roping areas off. Sounds like you needed a hall.

mycatsanutter · 23/11/2024 07:54

They will definitely be bringing alcohol that will be the fun for them , being able to have a few drinks with their mates . As you are in the house upstairs I would just nip down every 45 mins if you aren't entirely comfortable. Years ago my then 17 year old was given permission to have a party , 80 people turned up they had a great time . My house was an absolute state but they tidied and cleaned before dh and I returned .

BeMintBee · 23/11/2024 08:00

Well you’ve committed now but not a chance I would have agreed. Have had friend that have done this for their 16 year olds and it was carnage (yes they too stayed upstairs). Vomit, used condoms, ruined carpets and furniture.

I actually think your husband should police the door I don’t think it’s a fair position to put an 18 year old in actually.

our neighbours used to let their kids have a party once a year and although the noise wasn’t that bad the bigger problem was when they left. If you kick 40 drunk kids out onto the street at the same time it’s going to get rowdy.

BeMintBee · 23/11/2024 08:02

I also think putting a speaker system out in the garden so it can be really loud is really anti social! Your poor neighbours!

Original poster
AnonymouseQuestion · 23/11/2024 08:05

My neighbours on both sides have had parties in their gardens. My neighbour at the back had her wedding party until 2am! They also wrote notes and explained. It’s a Sat night in a city location and it will finish at 11.30. It’s the least of my worries really.

OP posts:
coffeeandteav · 23/11/2024 08:07

BeMintBee · 23/11/2024 08:00

Well you’ve committed now but not a chance I would have agreed. Have had friend that have done this for their 16 year olds and it was carnage (yes they too stayed upstairs). Vomit, used condoms, ruined carpets and furniture.

I actually think your husband should police the door I don’t think it’s a fair position to put an 18 year old in actually.

our neighbours used to let their kids have a party once a year and although the noise wasn’t that bad the bigger problem was when they left. If you kick 40 drunk kids out onto the street at the same time it’s going to get rowdy.

Totally agree the leaving can be the worsst.

I have on the ring doorbell my daughters boyfriend shouting at his mates as they all just sat on the neighbours wall waiting for lifts and chilling. Loudly!
I then came down to move them on and bring those waiting for lifts back in. All while tidying up.
You maybe lucky in the fact that its cold and they won't hang about. Ours was in midsummer.

coffeeandteav · 23/11/2024 08:07

AnonymouseQuestion · 23/11/2024 08:05

My neighbours on both sides have had parties in their gardens. My neighbour at the back had her wedding party until 2am! They also wrote notes and explained. It’s a Sat night in a city location and it will finish at 11.30. It’s the least of my worries really.

If its a one off and finishes at 11. I wouldnt be too worried.

PortiasBiscuit · 23/11/2024 08:08

Christ, it’s a kid’s party not a Roman orgy. We had fantastic times at parties when we were 16/ 17 yo. You could give your daughter the benefit of the doubt and assume most of her friends are well brought up and respectful.
Ithink the precautions you are taking are fine, don’t micromanage, expect a little bit of drunkenness, lots of snogging and probably some weed, however the world won’t end and everyone might just enjoy themselves.

happystory · 23/11/2024 08:09

Think about your flooring in the rooms they'll walk through, is it easy to clean? Lots of food got dropped and walked on at dd's 16th...l

PortiasBiscuit · 23/11/2024 08:10

coffeeandteav · 23/11/2024 08:07

Totally agree the leaving can be the worsst.

I have on the ring doorbell my daughters boyfriend shouting at his mates as they all just sat on the neighbours wall waiting for lifts and chilling. Loudly!
I then came down to move them on and bring those waiting for lifts back in. All while tidying up.
You maybe lucky in the fact that its cold and they won't hang about. Ours was in midsummer.

Show quote history

Oh my Heavens… young people talking loudly in the street, on one night, for probably upwards of maybe 10 minutes…