Teenage party - how to keep it safe?

[AnonymouseQuestion]

I’ve agreed my DD can have a party for her 16th. She wants 40 people, a speaker system hired so the music is loud, a couple of outdoor heaters as I’ve said they must be in the garden unless it’s raining and me and her dad to stay upstairs throughout unless there is trouble. Her 18 year old brother has said he will police the door and only allow in those on the list.

Any tips for keeping it controlled and safe? I’m really regretting agreeing to this as every friend I tell says I’m crazy and it will get out of hand.

We had parties three years in a row 14, 15 and 16. There was a lot of damage, some of it superficial (vomit on the soft furnishings) and some of it needed proper repair (broken glass in the front door). The 15-year-old one was the worst. I'm still glad I did it, and DD was thrilled to have a cool mum 😂, they are in the 20s now but they still talk about the parties at our house. DD was a great host, but I do agree that it can be a lot of pressure on them.

Some of them will arrive already pissed, we started a bit late at the 15 year-old one to walk around sweeping up alcohol and chucking it down the sink. And in theory you can stop the party, but if you've got 15 and 16-year-olds who are expecting to be picked up at a particular time I personally couldn't just chuck them out onto the streets and let them find their own way home earlier. There were even some stragglers after official chucking out time and I ended up doing some driving people home safely to get them out of the house.

Keeping them from spilling out of the house and onto the road was also a challenge. The boys are more rowdy, but then you generally have at least one crying teenage girl with a relationship crisis to deal with!

Beer bottles etc. over the neighbours fence and down the street were also an issue, so I do agree with letting the neighbours know what's going on and what to do if they are having problems.

Agree with all of this! My students have weekly parties at houses. From what I hear, they are all so happy to have somewhere to go, they are respectful. And only those invited turn up!

I'd be weary of providing alcohol incase you get backlash from parents who might not allow their children to drink yet.

We've done it a few times and it's never as awful as you think. Re. alcohol, I would buy enough beer and can-mixers for a can or two each and leave it at that (they WILL sneak in spirits). Have a sick bucket to hand.
Top tips are toilet related: remove the bolt from the downstairs loo door so no one can shut themselves in for hours - and if you have space / cash to hire a portaloo too, it will keep them outside as much as possible.

Luckily the floors are all wooden so easyish to clean. Also we live in central London so they are all used to walking home and they all live nearby so I have no qualms about letting them get home alone.

Oh, and the other issue with alcohol is that a lot of them won't be able to get anything appropriate because of their age so they'll raid their parents' drinks cabinets and bring God knows what in fizzy pop bottles! We had cherryaid that smelt of Ouzo 🤮. I still wouldn't provide it though.

We just had one and inevitably someone was sick (in a water jug). We didn’t supply the alcohol. But I suppose it’s better than them doing it in the park like I did. I agree with having a bit of a presence at the start or popping down so they know you’re around.

I made up punch at that age, I told them it was alcoholic, but I put hardly any in, less than 1/2 unit per large portion - got no complaints as there was 3 to choose from. I had it in the house as had large suitable space, used our sound system (too powerful for a house in my opinion) which connected to the iPad. Did beige buffet put out and homemade pizzas then we pushed off to the pub once they were cooked. I left her younger sister in charge (in this case she was definitely in control!)

My 16 year old says he actually prefers parties where the parents are present so maybe don't totally hide away. He says parties with parents there have much less tendency to get out of control - obviously! I think they all just want to have fun and will be grateful to have somewhere to go! It's hard at their age to socialise in the evening.

dd3 has her 16th in 2 weeks. 20 guests, no extras, they bring what they drink and the parents have all called/vm’d me to confirm they can drink. Downstairs in the kitchen, pizza and snacks provided. I will be upstairs hiding. Any sick is hers to deal with, over by 11 to avoid pissing off the neighbours!

she’s getting her usual bottle of fruity 4% vodka drink which she won’t finish! Her mates are pretty sensible but this is the first one with boys coming so I’ve told her I won’t stand for any shenanigans!

Total damage list from my 7 ( so far)teenage parties 16,17,18 was a ping pong table that died during beer pong, and a broken window when someone was dancing very enthusiastically, the grill on top of the neighbours aircon unit ( they were kids from a party across the road trying to sneak in) , not gonna lie there was also some serious vomiting.
Best advice is to buy those little individual bottles of water ( I know terrible for the environment but it's a one off) and wander around offering them out. The same with easy to eat food. Pizza is the most popular or we once did a big beef roast, bought 50 bread rolls and made gravy. That went down well too. Or get subway delivered but cut it into thirds.
Lollies, lots of lollies. And soft drink cans. Forget about dips , they are a disaster after 5 minutes.
Have a cut off time for the music and a good friend that looks a teensy bit scary to announce, time for everyone to go home. And then they disappear.
Be prepared for a bit of a serious cleanup in the morning, back and front of house. IME the girls always talk themselves into using the upstairs toilet and then block it!
We had a couple of extra friends at the door with a clipboard. ( don't rely on that) but it helps to have another couple of adults around.
Then hide upstairs and wish for them to all go home!
A headups to the neighbours is nice, and they will bring alcohol or have drunk it before (pre-loading) so I wouldn't supply it.

To make it safer I would hold it in a local hall, be present, man the doors and hand over to parents at the end.

Warn your neighbours in advance

Im actually appalled your 15 year old daughter has a ‘usual’ alcoholic drink you provide.

OP respectfully this plan is crazy. Have you never seen the countless stories of these parties that go wild and end up with 300 teenagers etc?! Will you be present?

This. The world has gone insane. Glad to be a teetotaller wow

Be appalled- as a mother of 3, of which she is youngest, I’ve raised three sensible well rounded, hard working young women who had the occasional drunk before the age of 18. I’m fine with her having a usual drink she takes to parties- rather than drinking whatever happens to be available from others.

Drink! Not drunk - she’s never been drunk

Why is it crazy? Most of our parties I put a ceiling of 70 guests on but it never stays at that. Smartypants ( now lawyer used to invite about 10 friends to "help" get ready for the party). Well then they of course they weren't on the list . Cheeky buggers. Can't say I regret one of my kids parties , though I was a bit pissed off about the broken window that the parents didn't cough up any money to replace it. On the other side at a19th one poor boy got himself so drunk I was sitting with him about to ring the ambulance. I rang his mum - she was 2 hours away, and then his dad - who was half an hour away. I dragged a mattress out and we all laid him on it. I'm thinking if he doesn't look better in 5 minutes I'm calling the ambo's. Then his dad knocked on the door, dragged him out without a by your leave ( filthy rich barrister). The next afternoon the boy appeared with a bunch of flowers and a packet of TimTams ( the best choc bikkies in the world for you non Aussies. ). I am now friends with almost all of these (kids - actually all turning 30 or close) they stay at my property greeted with lots of hugs( I moved to the country), we are friends on insta and fb. It's worth being friends with your kids friends. They are adults very quickly.

They are 16! My teens get themselves home in the main. I have 3 and almost never have to do pick ups.

EEK! Don't hand them over! Maybe just say goodbye as they leave. Mum or Dad will be in the car in their pjs and not want to come and meet you!!!

This sounds so dysfunctional lol

I’d put the limit on 20. We did that for DS and it was still super stressful 😂

when is it?

even if not raining it will likely be bloody cold and damp this time of year

Does it? WHy? It's just a big bunch of teenagers having a party. One boy had way too much to drink so I looked after him.
And then he turned up the next day to apologise. I'm not seeing the dysfunction.( unless you mean his father who wa a right horror)

im not even going there with you if you can’t see how bizarre and worrying what you wrote is. I certainly wouldn’t let my kids around your house!