Teenage party - how to keep it safe?

[AnonymouseQuestion]

I’ve agreed my DD can have a party for her 16th. She wants 40 people, a speaker system hired so the music is loud, a couple of outdoor heaters as I’ve said they must be in the garden unless it’s raining and me and her dad to stay upstairs throughout unless there is trouble. Her 18 year old brother has said he will police the door and only allow in those on the list.

Any tips for keeping it controlled and safe? I’m really regretting agreeing to this as every friend I tell says I’m crazy and it will get out of hand.

When was the last time you spoke to a drunk teenager. I took one home in the sleet in the week he was wearing a t-shirt.
He’s DS’s new university friend and I’m sure he doesn’t even own a coat.

they’re not all teen boys

Did you never walk through town in a strappy dress and sandals in 6 inches of snow?
You’ve never lived.

edit for spelling

Fourty is too many. Your daughter doesn't have 40 genuine friends. I would reduce the number to 30 maximum.

Also I find it strange that you will be hidden away upstairs. You just be "around" or be able to have a bit of a nosy at what is going on.

yep
to get somewhere
not standing outside in pouring rain and wind for hours

Good for you! My DD did exactly the same last year and I teach at the same school as my DD. I barred two from coming at all because I knew they were trouble. One of them snuck in anyway and the other she ended up dating… I digress

• they were in a borrowed marquee
• no heating provided but they were fine
• we make tons of pizza
• we provided some cans of cider
• i had a list of parent numbers with firm warning that anyone too drunk would need picking up.
• they were only allowed in through the back door to access the loo
• i went outside with another parent to mingle and check everyone was ok. The kids didn’t take advantage
• some kids were sick in the garden which was to be expected but they just came into the house for water and tlc then carried on.

she has had two more parties since and they’ve been fine. 35 kids.

good luck. I like to know who my kids are friends with. Mates who stay over are expected to help clean up if they want a bacon butty next morning.

We had a 16th earlier in the year (albeit smaller). We provided low alcohol beers and the mixed cans and said that if there was the slightest hint of spirits we’d bring the party to an end. Yes, they’re underage, but I’d rather teens had a low alcohol drink in a safe environment, than raid their parents drinks cabinets and go drink in the park. We provided lots of soft drinks too. It didn’t get out of hand and plenty of the soft drinks were drunk. Lots of food and snacks.

At the end of the day, it will come down to whether your DD and her friends are sensible, and only you know that.

We were around upstairs during the party, and my teen knew I would come and read the riot act if people got drunk or the party got out of hand, and as that would be social suicide, it was in their interests to make sure it was fairly sensible.

Nooooo !!! Let her have an AP- hire an apartment (about £200 but no clean up), supply soft drinks and delivery pizza. They can sneak their own alcohol, or not, but no angry parents.

We must let DD have a halloween party. About 25 of them inside.
I provided food and soft drinks but no alcohol. I provided some for DD personal use which i’m sure she shared but i feel a bit weird about providing lots of alcohol to under 18s but i turned a blind eye to them bringing their own.

me and DH stayed up stairs and tried to ignore the karoke singing and banging doors of the downstairs loo which is beneath our bedroom.

music off and kick out was midnight. A couple stayed to help DD tidy up. Once the coast was clear i popped down to check nothing needed urgent attention. Thankfully no spillages, sick or broken items bar a photo frame that had fallen off the wall.
lots of DD friends offered to come on the Sunday to clear up but it only took us 1.5 hours to make the house look like it never happened and that included packing away the numerous halloween decoration i had out everywhere.

it was stressful as you think about all the what ifs but DDs friends are all nice kids and she stuck to an strict invite only list. I wouldn't do it all the time but DD was very grateful and it earned her some cool points.

All of these doomsayers it’s a party not world war 3. I always made sure we had lots of soft drinks and loads of food, I would walk round offering pizza, chips and garlic bread. We had about 4 older teens acting as security and anyone smoking weed was asked to leave.

We survived about 5 parties and the worst damage was a bit of vomit and a broken garden chair.

so parents actually stuck around at the party?

Yes, we were visible, in and out

i don’t remember ever any parents at teen parties i went to, would have definitely put a different slant to it i imagine. I’m not surprised they all went smoothly for you!

Yes. Because I didn't fancy sitting up all night to check he didn't choke to death on his own vomit. As I already said his Dad was less than pleased. I also said that he turned up with an apology and a little gift the next day ( the son, not the dad). I don't understand what you don't understand.🤔
And don't panic that 19yo is now a 30yo tech entrepreneur and is loaded. Teenagers do stupid things. I certainly did.

Yes we always did, but generally stayed out of sight except for handing out food and water, and having a quick check every half an hour or so to confirm that nobody had broken a leg. Then midnight - lights on, music off and they all head off. I have actually driven a couple home early as they had started way to soon on the vodka and left DH and our lovely neighbours in charge for 10 minutes. Otherwise they either wander home ( very small quiet neighbourhood) or they group book a taxi. I never supplied alcohol to under 18yo's.

Oh and last thing, but where I live you can put the details of your party on a police website. It's called something like "Log my party". I only did it once but I watched the police drive slowly past twice. If everything looks ok they keep driving, if you had 300 gatecrashers and a riot they would stop and help. Excellent idea, but not sure it's available everywhere.

The comments about noise are unfair.

Having a one off party until around ..I would say 1ish is normal acceptable and part of normal city life

Uptight comments about it annoying the neighbours make me sad for kids. They already have so few places they can congregate safely

As long as neighbours are warned and loud music off at midnight it's reasonable

Remembering my own teen years I think trying to ensure it's canned drinks rather than neat or mixed spirits is an excellent idea.

probably why you have memories of all very non eventfully teen parties (aside from the pissed as a fart 19 year old!)

my point is…. you said he was 19 and you “couldn’t have. stopped him going anywhere”

when this 19 year old got uncontrollable drunk at his friend’s house party (bit weird at that age) and had to be picked up by his daddy!