16yo and house party

[Absolutelyclueless00]

16yo Ds wants to go to a house party.

It's a lad from school but I've never met him/his parents.

He wants to take alcohol and stay at either his girlfriends or one of her friends.

No idea what time this party finishes, no plans of how he's getting home or back to girlfriend's house.

I'm not comfortable with any of it but no idea what's the norm for 16 year olds these days.

Any words of wisdom or advice/thoughts?

I personally think that's very strict, but what works for one wouldn't work for someone else! I've known the kids whose parents had very strict views on alcohol, they were always the one getting the most plastered and drinking anything they could get hold of as soon as they were out of their parents sights.

Also agree that in my day I was boozing down town at 16 and no one batted an eyelid! No strict ID rules then!

DS doesn't drink yet, but his mates (Y12) would take a few cans of beer or cider. Lots of his year drink spirits, but thankfully not his friends.
I don't know most of his friends' parents anymore.
Unless they are staying at the party house they all come home.

Part of it really is how well you think your DS can handle this.
House parties at 16/17 with alcohol aren't unusual.
I'd echo sending beer or mixed drinks. Vodka results in carnage.
My hard line would be around the post party arrangements. If your DS has not met his GF family before this is almost certainly not a good way to meet them.
Say he has to have an after party plan or you'll be picking him up. Despite how ever much he squirms many kids will be going out with parental rules in the background.

It sounds ok- normal to go to parties where you don't know the parents, normal to take a few beers. Staying with his GF- up to you.

I think the key is helping him do these things in a way that takes some of the risk out. So talk to him about drugs, talk to him about alcohol. A few beers is very different to a bottle of spirits, getting really drunk is not enjoyable and could lead to all sorts of bad outcomes. Staying with his GF is ok (if it is) but he also needs a plan B for getting home if that doesn't work out etc etc (that might just be to call you or whatever).

I would let him take a couple of ciders/beers - better that then sharing someone else's bottle of spirits.

We all went to house parties at 15/16 and then clubbing at 16/17. It didn't matter what your parents views on alcohol - and we had the whole range - everyone got drunk regardless. The amount you drank was much more about your friends than your parents.

Thank you so much all for the pov.

This is what I've agreed.

He can go. We've got the address it's only a 10 minute walk away. It sounds like more of a get together than a party, about 10 people.

He's taking a couple of beers and we've arranged to pick him up at half past midnight. He tried to push this back later. Said we don't want him staying out because sure it's first time going to a house party either alcohol. We did offer for the girls to stay here but he declined (knew he would).

Told him if he is responsible then next time stopping out might be ok.

Sound ok?

At 16 I was at all night raves walking home at 6am !

@HildaHosmede - by your own admission I think your rules are probably what you would ideally like to happen but in reality it’s a different story.

@Absolutelyclueless00 - I think what you agreed sounds spot on.

DD2 used to take Smirnoff ice

DD is 16 (in 6th form) and hosting a halloween party on saturday! I will be home (upstairs) and I am not providing any alcohol except some for DD personally.

• I have said music off by 11:30pm and am expecting them to go home at midnight.
• I will try and make sure people are picked up or walk home in groups and offer lifts to those worse for the wear or walking alone
• I dont know all of the parents but some are friends from primary school which I do know or a couple of others via text from taking them to concerts etc