How much do you do for your teenager? Clubs, money etc?

[Longwinternights2975]

Obviously every family is different and there's no right or wrong way but my son is really guilt tripping me at the moment and I don't know if I should be doing more.
My son is 14. He is in a school 10 miles away that requires £75 a month transport, £25 a month for a laptop, he spends over £100 a month on lunches through parent pay. I pay £25 a month for him to play on a football team, which I take him to twice a week, 2 hours training on a Wednesday nights and a good 3 hours for the travel and match on a Sunday morning. He also had £10 a week pocket money. I buy him clothes and computer games regularly and £15 a month phone bill .
So I'd say on average it costs me £300 a month for him at least. He goes out with friends at least 3 times a week, football 2 times a week and a couple of nights chill.
Nothing is ever enough. I work full time and have other children. But he's constantly asking more and more from me financially and also my time.
He wants to join another sport which would be alot more travel to and fro, and the cost of that.
To be completely truthful I am too tired to do anything else and I just don't want to. I want to be able to come home from work and relax sometimes . I'm starting to feel burnt out.
The things he wants get more and more costly and he does nothing to earn it, doesn't lift a finger in the home etc.
I feel like he is really pushing me and guilt tripping me to agree by saying all his friends do multiple sports etc . They do and I know there parents are run ragged and spend so much money on it. Am I being selfish or am I supposed to put him first over everyone else in the family?

If you are spending a quarter of your income purely on him, not even taking into account his daily expenses (share of food, heating, electric etc bills at home - and the time you need to put into running the house/cooking/cleaning/washing clothes)..

Spending money on meeting a child's basic needs should not be held against them.

His school costs shouldn't be held against him as they are the ones who transferred him.

His football, when they signed him up they would've know they would have to drive him to/from even the midweek training.

Other than OP buying all his games etc, most of this is out of his control.

I think the distance depends on where you live.
I am lucky enough to live in a big City, and we can therefore find plenty of choices of activities / facilities / teams within a much smaller distance; there are also buses and trains fairly regularly; there are also team mates to share the transport with.
If the OP lives rurally, then that will be very different, and if the new sport needs to be a 30mile travel, then that is what it is.
I also think I would rather have a teen actively involved in sports (or Scouts / Cadets etc) than not involved in anything. Yes, it is a few years of the logistics of getting them places (I had 3dc myself, all of whom stuck with sports, hobbies, activities) but I consider that part of my decision to have 3 dc and my decision to bring up active, committed dc.

However - the issue here is his attitude, and expectation that you fund his going out 3x a week on top of his sports..... his expectation that he has £5 a day for his lunch and snacks.... his expectation that he doesn't contribute to the household jobs in any way. That is what I would be working on - including teaching him how to make a packed lunch - even if it were 3 out of the 5 days.

A lot is the answer! DS1 has just started Uni and we are paying his accomodation costs.

DS2 plays football to a high level and is involved in 2 teams. I travel 35 miles 3 times a week for training and then similar on a Saturday and Sunday. He also plays golf but my DH does that with him.
So payment for both teams a year is about £500 plus boots etc
I spend a lot on petrol although my little car is very economical. We used to stop for McDonald’s etc but just come straight home now (his suggestion to save money).

I work as well although in a school so I finish at 3.30pm (my day is still very tiring though).

I desperately miss my older son and I’m thinking that I only have a few more years of DS2 at home to spend time like this. I actually really enjoy the time we spend together on the way to training and matches, I learn so much about his life and school etc and feel we have a good relationship as a result.
Id much rather he spent his time playing sport than hanging around aimlessly on the streets.

15 yeah old. £85 on sports, out 4 nights per week and a Saturday.
Walks to school (25 minutes) takes packed lunch.
I give money ad hoc for social outings, sometimes that means nothing for weeks, then busier.
Buy sports clothing and normal clothes, don't have a budget but she doesn't ask for much. She gets ad hoc pocket money from grandparents and saves this to buy something she really wants. All purchases considered carefully by her.

What year is he in ? If he's 14 is he starting GCSEs this year ? I'd turn down any more activities based on that as Dd has started getting much more prep this year.

anyway
dd gets £50 per month pocket money plus she works two hours every Sunday at her yard and gets £15 a week for that.

monday she does choir at school and then we swim together as she got a free 6 month membership at the country club I belong to.
tuesday she rides and she has early morning music lesson at school on Tuesday and Wednesday but these are free as she is a music scholar
Wednesday she has chamber choir then a piano lesson
thursday she rides
Fridays she has orchestra at school then we go swimming. She also has Duke of Edinburgh club at lunchtime as she is doing her silver.
saturday we go swimming or play tennis at the club and riding
sunday as above plus her yard job. And her prep.

riding costs us £300 a month, choir and orchestra is included at school. She gets lunch and tea (as in tea, toast and biscuits) at school included. She gets taken to school is it's 7 miles away and not on a public transport route