Duplicitous Daughter

[WhatCanIDoToSortThisOutNow]

I'm at a loss as to what to do about this bloody phone situation. She's had her (expensive) smart phone taken off her for not being honest about homework and taking my old phone to chat to her mates after bed time. I usually have her phone in my room at night to prevent that sort of thing.

I bought a cheap dumb phone earlier this week, which I was also taking off her at bedtime. I'd notified school to let them know that homework needed to be set on paper as she doesn't have access to the apps.

This morning, I find out that she's borrowed another smart phone from a friend and put her sim card in that! Apparently on Tuesday. I'm cross as well as disappointed. I had no idea she could be so deceitful.

What the hell do I do next?!

None of these "controls" I've tried ever worked properly.

Most of them didn't exist until it was far too late.

As an ex secondary school teacher, if I called the parent of a teenager about their behaviour I wouldn't want them to punish the child. I'd want them to discuss it and find out the reasons etc.

@rainfallpurevividcat of course they work, they work perfectly fine for us. You're obviously not trying hard enough and quite frankly sound like you can't be arsed.

I think at 15 it's a bit late. And even if you control what they see, you can't control what their friends do and all the time they are out with friends.

We do exercise our own control over our daughter, with her consent and co-operation (it's called parenting) without the assistance of tech companies who do not have their best interests at heart and only do the bare minimum, as people did for many years before tech existed. Tech may have changed but human beings have not.

Also @WhatCanIDoToSortThisOutNow I'd be very interested to know how the school reacted to "homework should be set on paper".

I'd guess not positively.

You've just escalated it all and now she's using other phones to get round it all.

You'd have been better off having a chat with her about homework and finding a solution without all the punishment.

If she doesn't do her homework then she's going to end up with more detentions where she will have to get it done

How do you plan on dealing with her if she doesn't bother doing it at 17? If she rebels completely against your no phone after 9.30 and punishments you could end up with real issues in a year or so

And the last thing you want to do at this age is isolate her, you need her to feel able to come to you if there's any online issues, or any issues for that matter