DS’s girlfriend is pregnant.

[Mondayblues6]

DS is 17 years old and his girlfriend is 16. They have been sleeping together a few months. I talked to him about contraception but he told me his girlfriend was not keen keen to go on the pill but they used condoms. Today he he told me that his girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant. They are both very upset. They have already told his girlfriend’s mum and she has arranged for her to have an abortion. My son’s girlfriend is so upset that she will never get over this and that she is doing the wrong thing. My son is being very supportive and has told his girlfriend that he will support any decision she makes. My son is so sad and responsible that this happened. I have given him a hig and told him I will be there for them both. What else can I do?

what did they think was going to happen??? Jeez, I don’t understand why anybody would put themselves in that position, let alone a 16 years old. It wouldn’t even cross my mind to have sex at 16.

yes, I didn’t start having sex until I knew I’d be able to handle the consequences, whichever way. Fretting about it after the horse has bolted is not good enough.

Yeah great like the care system isn't full enough. I grew up in care my daughter was placed into care for a short while as like I said I couldn't provide for her properly and my life was a mess and we had no stability. Obviously I love my daughter and wouldn't change her for the world but it was a selfish decision I made to keep her and it wasnt really a decision as i was so off my face for my pregnancy i wasnt even aware i was pregnant until it was to late she's 7 now and has been through more shit and trauma then most adults. However her younger sister has stability and family and love and will most likely grow into a capable adult who won't have to spend her adult life recovering from her childhood. Also for your information I had an abortion last year and have no regrets.

The child is not here.

What is here, because we live in more enlightened times, are choices that give autonomy to women & girls in matters concerning their own bodies

🫣

Pretty monumental mistake, though. It's about the biggest fuck-up one can make as a teenager.

Disagree, try getting a criminal record, a driving ban or a prison sentence as a teenager. Now that really will fuck up your whole life.

If you can get access to abortion services and counselling followed by free family planning then it’s not the end of the world, by any means.

Why a baby?

If the girl is not sure about having an abortion she needs to speak to someone who isn’t her mum to help her come to a decision.

If I wrote what I really wanted in reply to this, I’d be banned.

I will say one thing, you have no idea of my priorities. I do not believe in your god (who appears to be vengeful). Do not pray to him / her / whatever form they take for me.

And I’ll tell you what softens my heart; children born to parents not 100% committed to the child. Children born into life long poverty (all forms and all over the world) and children not afforded opportunity because they were born to those who were emotionally ill-equipped to provide for them.

Apart from them being too young (but legal), they did use contraception,

But for whatever reason it failed

It fails for lots of people not just young ones

I’m quite sickened by this. I was pregnant at 16. Nobody even mentioned abortion to me. I didn’t want a baby. I’d just left care, and had nobody to guide me, so I just proceeded with the pregnancy in a daze. I gave birth at 17 to my DS who has severe autism. I had no support. I felt suicidal for the best part of the next ten years. I was completely sleep deprived, and his care was unrelenting, 24/7 with no help from anybody. I read the very sad story this week of a poor mother who had taken her life and that of her disabled daughter, and I 100% understood why she’d been driven to it.

My son is an adult now, and I love him very much, but I had no life as a child, or frankly until I was middle-aged. Not a day off, or a night out, and I was in my 30s when I had my first ever holiday.

But as much as I love him, having a child with such complex needs when I was a child WAS a burden. Make no mistake. Do not romanticise it. It’s all well and good pontificating when you’re not the person who has to do the work.

May I ask why you chose to have sex then? If you knew getting pregnant at 15 would not be great, then why do it?

Support them through the abortion then advise his gf to also take an active role in contraception despite her “keenness” to stop it happening again.

She does have a choice. But having a child at 16 is hard. I know as the son I had when I was 16 is 31 in 2wks. Love him to bits, I will never say I regretted my decision as I don’t, I adore my son and if anything having him young gave me a focus, I went to Uni and then moved to London with him when I was 24 and he was 7, and now I’ve got a great career and good salary. I’m not what many people would say is a single mum stat. But I will say that I’m 48 in 3 months and I’ve never had a period of my adult life that I can do something for me. Because I had 2 other kids. Youngest goes to Uni in 2yrs then it’s my time!

If she chooses to abort she will be ok, it’s a tough time but sounds like she’s got supportive people around her. My mum threatened to kill herself if I didn’t have an abortion. I told her to go ahead then. She absolutely adores her grandson and has always had a very close relationship with him over her other grandchild. She was 39 after all when he was born!

Because there already is one.

Why an abortion? They are both over the age of consent? Just means that they’ll have to grow up quick and take responsibility…. And as a GP to be yourself, you’ll probably be needed for support to bring up the baby….

How are they going to take responsibility realistically?

And why would Op be needed?

Seriously?

If I wrote what I really wanted in reply to this, I’d be banned.

Me too. I can't imagine being that deluded or thick. Hopefully they are a troll.

What makes you think they weren't using them correctly?

Accidents happen with condoms, even with experienced older people

No there isn't. It's barely an embryo.

Because I was starved of love and attention I was in care drinking doing drugs and sleeping with any lad who was nice to me. I had no family so I just wanted someone to care about me

Funny you should say this, @LindorDoubleChoc
My friend of 50 years was recently on Facebook ranting against abortion. We’re in California.
She’s a Trump supporter now and I haven’t really spoken to here in awhile.
She ranted, “I don’t know a single person who’s ever had an abortion like the libs keep saying.”
I had lied for her when I was 17 & she was 16 so she could go to Los Angeles and get an abortion.
I replied, “You sure about that?”
She immediately unfriended me.
I never would’ve revealed her secret, but she was advocating taking that choice away from women from the most populous state in my country.
It is horrendously shocking.

People are allowed a sex life even if they are certain they never, ever want to have children.

Are people who wish to remain child-free supposed to be celibate? Absurd.

You sound like you are doing exactly the right thing. I am 32 weeks pregnant with a little girl kicking inside me constantly, loads of hormones and I still think at 16 it makes sense for all but the most determined parents to have a termination at that age. Obviously its not nice for them to go through - but they both seem to fundamentally believe its the right choice for them and so its your job is to help them not to impose unnecessary guilt on themselves over the decision and tell them how pleased you are they communicated openly with both families so that they could have the right support rather than putting their heads in the sand.

I can answer this. When not a single human being had ever shown me love in my life (I grew up in care) then an older boy came along and was nice to me, I would have done anything he’d asked to keep hold of that affection. I didn’t want to have sex, but I was terrified of losing him. I was on the pill, but swapped types. The doctor didn’t tell me not to leave a break between the two types of pill, so I did and I fell pregnant.