DS’s girlfriend is pregnant.

[Mondayblues6]

DS is 17 years old and his girlfriend is 16. They have been sleeping together a few months. I talked to him about contraception but he told me his girlfriend was not keen keen to go on the pill but they used condoms. Today he he told me that his girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant. They are both very upset. They have already told his girlfriend’s mum and she has arranged for her to have an abortion. My son’s girlfriend is so upset that she will never get over this and that she is doing the wrong thing. My son is being very supportive and has told his girlfriend that he will support any decision she makes. My son is so sad and responsible that this happened. I have given him a hig and told him I will be there for them both. What else can I do?

@notatinydancer

'Because it sounds like they're in an ideal situation to be parents 🙄'

If you had read my post properly you would have seen that I suggested alternatives which OBVIOUSLY included options such as adoption.

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

What else can you do to support him: if you are willing to heavily help them, say so and say exactly what you can and cannot help with. Same for the other parents. This gives the girlfriend a genuine informed choice.

Secondary infertility is a thing. Dealing with the mental health fall out of an abortion you were pushed towards, followed by dealing with the mental health fall out of infertility is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. This is not 'rare' or 'absurd'. Ask any infertility counsellor.

They don’t ‘need’ to do anything just because your religion says so. You do understand that many people in this country are not even religious, yes?

What the hell are you on about?

As another catholic… neither you nor I get to tell anyone what they “need” to do. If you don’t agree with abortion, don’t have one. But they are safe and legal and necessary healthcare in the modern world.

Correct. It's also unfair that the woman has to have an abortion/baby. But that's nature for you! Sadly I don't make the rules!

Contraception choices aren’t down to nature, they’re down to human invention. There’s nothing stopping a male pill being released onto the market.

Fair point. But at the moment such a product does not exist. I suppose OP son could have a vasectomy. There's a porn star called Girthmaster who has had one and intends to have children later by reversal or turkey baster method (sperm extracted from his pipes by needle). (I am in love with Girthmaster!)

They did but men just lie about taking it 🤷‍♀️

That's not the same. The pill isn't nature, it is humans choice.

We could choose to have a male pill available.

@OfficerDoofie Lol. Yeah, my life has never been the same since I came across (!!!!!!!) Girthmaster's twitter page! Dear God...it's the size of a wine bottle.

I have never heard of a pill for men being prescribed.

Many men wouldn't lie about taking it because they don't want to be a father. Both the man and the woman could share the responsibility of taking it and both take it and use condoms.

Being forced to have an abortion you don't want. A friend of mine was forced into it by family and it screwed her up big time. She is still not over it now as a woman in her thirties. What your DS' girlfriend needs is to talk to an impartial counsellor. There are services available for this.

I know a few women who had kids in their teens. It wasn't easy but it didn't ruin their lives and their kids are lovely, happy kids.

Agreed. I can't invent it unfortunately.

If I had a daughter, I'd tell her to assume the man is taking the pill incorrectly/not taking it at all. It's not HIM who's going to get pregnant/have abortion/give birth/likely be a single parent. Same as I'd advise my son - never assume the girl is taking the pill (at all or correctly).

The safest option is to NEVER rely 100% on your partner for contraception, even if you're married, regardless of whether you're a man or a woman.

The girl is not being coerced in any way, Prescott. The op has said so in one of her posts. On the contrary she is well supported by her family. It will be her decision entirely.

Apparently it is invented, but I agree, I tell my children the same.

In the heat of the moment tho, boy is likely to say "don't worry I'm on the pill" if neither have a condom.

See also - men failing to pull out in time

Men think with their dicks remember. A 16 yr old boy with a hard on and a willing girl is unlikely to be thinking long term!

This is why I believe the Christian teaching that sex should only be for marriage. So much trauma and heartache could be avoided. I’m so sorry this has happened to both of these young people and their families.

Coerced? Common!

@MissSkegness1951
In 1961 my then17 yo mum got pregnant. Given the abortion laws back then and the fact she came from an Irish Catholic family she was coerced into a shot gun marriage. It lasted about 14 months and when she was pregnant for the second time she left my biological father with all the appropriate scandal.

it had a massive effect on me and still does. I have a few vague memories of my biological father and my bio grandparents. They were good to me whereas my mum never ceased to pick on me and tell me I was unwanted and I had ruined her life. Abortion would have definitely been the better choice for her and for me.

Sometimes parents need to guide their children fairly strongly towards the correct choice without forcing it. Chances are an abortion is the correct course for a pregnant 16 year old. I actually think it's almost cruel to say to the couple "it's your choice". They do not have the emotional maturity to know what they want. NONE of us know how we would feel in 10 years time or whatever. In some ways I'd rather my daughter blamed me for encouraging her to abort than blamed herself for choosing to abort.

Yes, I had a friend who was ‘encouraged’ into having an abortion as a teenager too. She was still desperately sad about it years and years later.

However much you dress it up as the logical decision it is still ending a human life and that has psychological implications.

totally agree.