Would you let your DS16 go meet a random girl he has been talking to online?

[Bellaboot]

Just that really. My DS blindsided me last night saying he wanted to go and meet a girl he had been chatting to for a couple of weeks on Snapchat. It would be into London Friday night. He has never been into London on his own and this would be train plus tube to other side, about 1.5 hours.

It's not the journey I'm concerned about, it's more if this is a scam. He is not giving much info out apart from she is 17, her Instagram has nothing.

Am I being too precious by not letting him, should I suggest a Saturday afternoon instead where I can hover discreetly to ensure she is real.

This is new stuff to me.

For clarity he is in the sixth form and is a good teen, he doesn't have loads of friends though.

Can you take him or go with and sit and have a coffee nearby? I'd be more concerned about the journey on a Friday night but I'm northern and London is probably less scary to you 😁

@Bellaboot you have every right to be wary. Tell him they make it in the afternoon or not at all. Too easy to get caught out with these type of things on Snapchat/social media

My 16 year old tried to do this. I compromised by saying the girl could come to our house, would that work. The poor girl ended up being really vulnerable and I had to call her social worker and let them know that she had travelled 3 hours to come see a boy she didn't know.

Have they had actual voice calls or FaceTime?

Not to my knowledge. I'll ask after school

Talk to him about safe internet dating - meeting in a busy public place, staying in a busy place, going halves on drinks etc.

It's perfectly normal to meet people online but you need to watch out for yourself when you meet someone

There is absolutely no way I'd allow this, and I'm quite a relaxed teen mum.

I’d be suggesting Saturday afternoon so that they can spend more time together. How late at night? He doesn’t want to miss the last train home,

My dd met her husband online (not a dating site) and I met dp online dating. It's normal now

I would echo this. I have a 16 year old and there is no way I would be happy for him to travel to London (or anywhere tbh) to meet someone for the first time unless he (and we) were as sure as we could be that they are who they say they are.

He said he'd be leaving by 10pm. I've already said no to the Friday but concerned I was being too protective and this is what teens do now.

The 'girl' could be anyone - a 35 year old man, for instance. He needs to meet somewhere public, in the daytime, and take someone else with him - if not you, a trusted friend.

But did you and DD meet them for the first time hours from home in a place you were unfamiliar with?

Has he done anything to confirm that she is who she says she is?

@Bellaboot you aren't being overprotective, you are a mum. As pp said, get them to meet in the daytime or not at all. I'm a mum to teenage sons and that's my rule. Also explain about safe online use.

No. Her Instagram was created about the same time at my son's but nothing on it. I'll ask him more after school. It was late last night he landed this on me.

This isn’t online dating. It’s a random person messaging him on Snapchat. What genuine teenage girl meets people by texting random numbers?

OP if she is a genuine random and they have no friends in common, I’d be worried about this.

In a public place sure at 16 they are legally allowed to have sex so you could try the naughty step but I would rather qe communicate and I know where and when they are meeting and be glad I am being told then doing it behind my back

Stamping my foot and saying 'no way' doesn't really stop anything

Absolutely not unless he agrees you can shadow him because "she" won't know you're his mum.

Well it could be anyone at this point. So a voice call beforehand might help

Thanks everyone. I'm going to start by suggesting facetime calls and see from there. I agree that I'm glad he's telling me and not going behind my back which is what I would have done at his age.

Definitely not - he's only been chatting to this person for two weeks - this is definitely not the same as adult internet dating - what teen would meet someone 1.5hrs away too? Plus it definitely sounds like he hasn't even done basic checks to ensure it's even an actual 17 year old normal girl.

And what 17 year old is happy to meet up alone with a boy from the internet she has never spoken to, just messaged for 2 weeks? It all sounds incredibly suspect.

Has he not listened in all the millions of lessons they do at school about online safety, people not being who they say etc etc?

Even if she is a 17 year old girl, it still sounds all wrong - meeting in person after 2 weeks of online chat aged 16?!

Friday night in London for a 16/17 Yr old is not the place to be! Insist it's Saturday afternoon because if you miss the last train home, you are basically stuffed.

Well, there's a lot you can do now to make this safer than when I was a teenager - location sharing, etc.

I'm 40. When I was just 16 I went to London (1.5hrs away) to meet a guy from online chatting when it was in its relative infancy and it is the single biggest regret in my life. I was extremely naive and desperate to be liked / kiss someone for first time / etc etc- I had no school friends so turned online. He was meant to be 23 and I liked the idea of him being older. I got in his car at Victoria (how we found each other when we never shared pictures and I didn't have a phone was a miracle), and we drove off somewhere I don't know where. He had a lot of stubble and felt much older than I expected. I realised instantly it was a mistake. But I was desperate to have my first kiss so I let him. Then he went further and I was simultaneously scared shitless and desperate to 'gain experience'.

I've since struggled with intimacy my whole life and I remain extremely confused what happened. I don't know if I was assaulted or just a teenage idiot. But what kind of older guy (even if he was 23) picks out a virginal 16 year old girl and meets them off the internet for that? A perv or paedo? It was clearly wrong of him.

Anyway - this isn't about me and that was a long time ago, and times have changed. But it would mean I'd likely be saying a hard no to a London stranger meet up until more details are forthcoming. I'd be suggesting a video call where you can meet her first, contact details of her parents to check they are okay with it (she is the more default vulnerable of the two), suggesting going with a friend and her bringing a friend and making it a four, or making it a weekend daytime thing and location tracking and hourly check ins are essential.

Best of luck with how you proceed, whatever you decide you're right to think it through and it's interesting to see opinions here.