Would you let your DS16 go meet a random girl he has been talking to online?

[Bellaboot]

Just that really. My DS blindsided me last night saying he wanted to go and meet a girl he had been chatting to for a couple of weeks on Snapchat. It would be into London Friday night. He has never been into London on his own and this would be train plus tube to other side, about 1.5 hours.

It's not the journey I'm concerned about, it's more if this is a scam. He is not giving much info out apart from she is 17, her Instagram has nothing.

Am I being too precious by not letting him, should I suggest a Saturday afternoon instead where I can hover discreetly to ensure she is real.

This is new stuff to me.

I agree with meeting on a Saturday afternoon, not the evening. And staying in a public place.

My DS went to London to meet up with a random girl he'd met online at 16 (granted, I think they'd chatted for more than 2 weeks). She turned out to be perfectly nice and they "dated" (in quotes because the distance meant they only saw each other very infrequently) for about 6 months before calling it a day. I think he might still be in touch with her though.

Sounds like a total scam. Does Snap Chat not store messages so there is no check?

A teen boy called Andrew Gosden, travelled to London to meet someone and was never seen again. I am all for teens travelling independently but not in this scenario.

This.

He needs to facetime first, to be sure his date is actually a 17yo girl. Then he needs to meet her in a public place, during daylight and take a friend with him.

It's the same safety measures I'd suggest to anyone of any age. He also needs to understand about drinking spiking, and phone thefts.

Does Snap Chat not store messages so there is no check?

Snapchat messages disappear hence their popularity with teens and unsavoury people. If you screenshot a message then the other person gets an alert that you’ve done that so if you want to have a record of messages then you need to come up with other methods like using a second device to photograph the screen.

I'd suggest they meet for a Starbucks on an afternoon, it's not like they can go gor a night out at their age anyway.

Definitely some facetiming first and meeting in a busy public place.

He sounds a bit naive to be honest.

He’s unfamiliar with London and it would be easy for things to go wrong at night so as pp said, FaceTime and afternoon for safety reasons would be smart.

Is he paying for his own ticket ? If he’s travelling at night and leaving by ten then that’s an expensive date even if she is who she says she is.

He might not like this suggestion but has he reverse searches any images that she’s sent ? Sometimes people use other people’s photos to catfish unsuspecting victims.

We had this, DS2 16 at the time met a girl online and wanted to meet up in her home city 100m away. The compromise was that me and DM would accompany, meet her in the cafe to check she wasn't a 34yo groomer and then disappear off for a day in the city and accompany him home later. Her DM did the same

I actually did this behind my parents back, I was safe and it worked out fine but I was stupid. So if I were you I wouldn't not allow it, I would just make it happen at a different time where you can go and be nearby. I'd also make sure he sees her on video first.

That’s what I was thinking of too.

OP please don’t let him. Suggest she comes to you or he goes on an afternoon and you follow him. Honestly he’s 16 he doesn’t need to be travelling that far to meet girls yet.

If he’s not even FaceTimed her she could be anyone.

Look up Breck Bednar. He met someone he had been chatting to online with devastating consequences. The schools around here regularly have his parents giving talks on online safety.

It would be a no from me and I'm pretty chilled generally and amazed at some of the over protectiveness on here with kids/teens.

It is good he told you. The pp events below are awful. There is no indication of who this person is

Watch Brek's last game. I am surprised he hasn't seen it at school.

I’m probably in the minority but I would go down with my son and let them meet in a cafe somewhere. I have kept an eye on my own teen on the internet and every interaction has been with kids around the same age.
I know there’s a lot of grooming and weird stuff going on, but it’s mostly kids and to be honest it’s been quite wholesome listening to kids chat nicely from all over the place

Was just coming to mention Breck Bednar but see a couple of other posters have already done so.

If he hasn't even spoken to her on a video call/ facetime yet then I absolutely wouldn't allow it. She could be anyone.

The steps to follow are:

1. Facetime - more than once - and you have to at least see her on the screen briefly, so you know she's a real person.

2. They can then meet for a coffee in the afteroon, 2 hours maximum, with you nearby (in another coffee shop/ shopping nearby etc - not watching them but be in the vicinity).
   Agree a codeword/phrase that he can send via text message that he sends you if he wants you to come back early. Otherwise, you meet him outside the coffee shop after 2 hours.

3. Then and only then can they meet alone or consider meeting in the evening.

If she is that desperate to meet him she can take the 1.5 hour journey to his.

You have no idea who this person is or what the implications of meeting will be. Better it’s on his turf on his terms.

Do this, definitely! He's young, not yet fully aware of the risks of the internet, and the '16 year old girl' could be anybody!

They should both be going for an afternoon cafe visit only in the first instance, and should both have a parent in the vicinity, wherever they meet.

I suspect London might be a compromise/ halfway point for the two of them.

She's a teenage girl too (assuming she's who she says she is) so they should both be being careful.

I was coming on to post about this boy. I think there was a recent documentary - can't remember the channel. RIP, x

I wouldn't allow it, no. This '16 year old girl' could literally be anyone, especially as they haven't even FaceTimed!
Your son sounds a bit naive (understandably considering his age), so he needs to be aware of online risks.
Why does it have to be Friday night? Why can't it be Saturday morning?

All the posters suggesting SHE come to him. Ffs? Why would that be ok? Given (assuming she is actually a 16 year old girl) she’s more vulnerable than him out and about.

I agree with others - FaceTime, then day time meet. You’ll probably get push back that “no one FaceTimes” of their age.

I did this as a teenager, twice, without my parent's knowledge.
Pretty silly but thankfully all was fine.
With that said I would never have agreed to meet in the evening and always did a background check as best i could.

You said there's nothing on the instagram account - are there any followers? Have you been through them?
Do you know the person's name and where they are from?
Have you searched the instagram username?

How did they even connect on snapchat?

Absolutely no way in hell. I didn't even need to read the post. Just no.

https://www.breckfoundation.org/ anyone who thinks this is ok needs to look at this

I wouldn’t, you hear so many stories of people being catfished. Anyone could turn up. Especially if he’s only ever messaged her.
When I was a teen I was messaging a boy he was in the school year above me but when it came to meet up it wasn’t the guy who I thought it was it was his older brother who had left school some years ago!! Just not worth the risk