Would you let your DS16 go meet a random girl he has been talking to online?

[Bellaboot]

Just that really. My DS blindsided me last night saying he wanted to go and meet a girl he had been chatting to for a couple of weeks on Snapchat. It would be into London Friday night. He has never been into London on his own and this would be train plus tube to other side, about 1.5 hours.

It's not the journey I'm concerned about, it's more if this is a scam. He is not giving much info out apart from she is 17, her Instagram has nothing.

Am I being too precious by not letting him, should I suggest a Saturday afternoon instead where I can hover discreetly to ensure she is real.

This is new stuff to me.

Hell no. Could be a 40 year old man.

If he believes she’s genuine, tell him to invite her to your house. That will give him the answer.
If she turns up, great.
If she doesn’t, lesson learned.

My DS wanted to meet someone online to buy a thing from him. They had been conversing for a long time over a shared hobby. My DS is 15. This guy is early 20s. I was able to look at his social media page which helped and they met in a very public place, which was not far from home and he was familiar with. I still worried. I would not have let him travel that far though, so maybe a coffee shop in a shopping centre or something like that?

absolutely not. I have met 'internet' friends and its always been somewhere near my house, at a place of my choosing, in public, in broad daylight.

There is no way i would allow a 16yo to travel that far at night to meet a stranger.

He's still a child, mentally and by law. As a parent its your duty to keep him safe so definitely go with him and loiter. Sounds like it's a scam though or grooming, but he needs to learn the hard way that sometimes, not everything is real in the big bad world!! Worst case scenario he could disappear to a world of trafficking. Best case she may be real, doubt it though. Has he video called her? If not I'd suggest it's definitely a scam.

I live in a tiny town and have a 16year old that I pretty much allow to do what he wants. I would never be okay with this! Far to many creeps online, could you maybe travel with him to see who he meets? Like you could do it discreetly (obv letting your son know what your doing) then leave once you've confirmed the person he thinks he's meeting is the person that shows up?

Plane and simple, he was a pedophile/child sex offender who picked on a vulnerable teen. They're very good at manipulation and grooming, making you feel so special and grown up until they've got what they set out to gain for their pervous needs. I use to work in the field of these males. Please don't blame yourself, you're not the one in the wrong at all. It was a misguided mistake by you thats all. This is the problem with these types, they're always in the wrong, ALWAYS, yet always make the vulnerable youngsters feel as though it's their fault.

My dd is 16 and we live about 45 minutes from London. There is no way in the world she would be going to London at night to meet a stranger from the internet! I would probably encourage face timing and then a meet up during the day at half term perhaps with a friend in tow.

You are right to be concerned and he is too inexperienced to trek into London on Friday evening to meet an unknown person. Some of the advice already given us really appropriate to keep him safe. Go with your instinct.

God no. FaceTime calls. Saturday afternoon coffee for starters. Not too far, maybe me in the background!

(I still think the BB references aren't quite appropriate though, because that case was a bit different because he groomed him for gay sex for over a year, and the case was complicated. )

No way. The person he’s messaging could be anyone.

How did you go @Bellaboot ?

Was your ds receptive

Is everything OK OP?

Personally, as a mother of both genders, there is no chance I would allow my 15-year-old daughter to meet someone she has only been talking to on Snapchat for two weeks. She has met friends on there and people in our area in her age group, but she says that if they don't video call, voice message, or call her, she sees them as a threat. Those are her words, not mine. If this were my 18-year-old son, I would still say no. I allowed him to go to London with a group of friends when he turned 18, but I was constantly calling and FaceTiming him, and that was with friends that we consider family.

I would tell your son that he needs to be internet-savvy and extremely wary. He should meet this girl on video chat, have phone calls, and get to know each other better first. If he really likes her, he can include you in getting to know her as well. It's better to be safe than sorry. If he is a good boy, he will understand.

I've been both a strict mom and a relaxed mom, but two weeks is not long enough to determine safety. Good luck, and I hope he understands that you are his mother and you have more life experience. You watch the news, and it's a scary world, unfortunately. I put fear into my kids' heads because I would rather they be wary.

Could be a pedo disguised as a girl. No chance without confirming they are real.

Do not let him go. Does he know what she looks like, spoken to her by video chat etc

Thank you for asking for all the replies. No he didn't go and was completely fine and understood, he wasn't that annoyed at all except for 2 mins. I've told him if he chats to people online he must facetime them too. It's all fine and I think I've sufficiently put him off meeting up with anyone online anytime soon.

I have now seen the girl on a screen talking so she was a teenager but he hasn't brought anything up again. He may have lost interest in a short space of time.

The funny thing is he asked to have mates around Friday and I almost said have a party at home if you like.

What does going halves on drinks have to do with safe internet dating? People are entitled to have different romantic boundaries from their parents - if my husband had told me when we when we were first together at 15/16 that his mum had told him he was to on no account pay for my cola I would have probably decided to move on from that relationship as it suggests a potential future mother-in-law who is going to think she's a third person in your relationship whose opinion needs to be considered.

@NoOneKnowsWhoYouAre The point is, she had invited your son to her. You insisted she came to you. You shouldn't have done that, you're really shitty.

No, they wanted to meet in London. So who's the shitty one?? Honestly.

That's great. Now he will more aware and not so impulsive hopefully.

Not keen but seems the way teens are meeting

@NoOneKnowsWhoYouAre Still you. Don't set a trap for a teenage girl.

Hahaha haha, she's lucky she didn't meet someone who actually set a trap for her and murder her. You thi k I should have let that happen? You are an absolute embarrassment to adults. DFOD.

Edited just read OP latest post

@NoOneKnowsWhoYouAre It's called entrapment.