Would you let your DS16 go meet a random girl he has been talking to online?

[Bellaboot]

Just that really. My DS blindsided me last night saying he wanted to go and meet a girl he had been chatting to for a couple of weeks on Snapchat. It would be into London Friday night. He has never been into London on his own and this would be train plus tube to other side, about 1.5 hours.

It's not the journey I'm concerned about, it's more if this is a scam. He is not giving much info out apart from she is 17, her Instagram has nothing.

Am I being too precious by not letting him, should I suggest a Saturday afternoon instead where I can hover discreetly to ensure she is real.

This is new stuff to me.

I was going to mention exactly the same as @Nightsleeper129 has, worth a read op.

I wouldn't be able to believe this girl is who she says she is unless they'd been facetiming / video calling in real time for a while. A few weeks doesn't seem very long either

Watch this with him:

www.leics.police.uk/kayleighslovestory

And has also been mentioned Breck Bednar.

At uni a friend wanted to go to London to meet someone she had 'met online' and thought she was in love with, I said 'no way' (I went to uni in my 30s she was 19) so I drove her down to London, to a place I knew well and met up for a meal. I also asked someone we had both been chatting to if he wanted to meet up too.

My friend and I had booked a B and B.

The 'boy' she wanted to meet was actually quite creepy, the other one is now my best friend.

OP

Yes people meet like this but not on their own and not at night.

YOu need to speak to her and to her parents.

I would be wondering what kind of parents her parents are to let her meet up with a random bit of the internet ...

Nope nope nope.
My DC had this exact scenario, and what we did was invite the other DC plus parent to meet our DC and us at a big museum either here or in London.

The chances of something dodgy are slim, but the consequences are devastating. I think it’s what 100 children a week go missing in London. No way would I let their first meeting in person be with no adults in London.

Have a chat with the girl. Have a chat with her parents. Then follow the advice above on a supervised meeting.

I have a 16 year old DS who is all over Snapchat and socialising through it. He's pretty confident and we don't live that far from London. However, we just had a chat about whether he would do what your son is suggesting and he said no, only if he had met them at a party/gathering previously and he knew them from that.

If he has to go, as I know 16 year olds can be pretty headstrong I would tell him to take a friend and meet somewhere busy, during the day.

You are being very naive.
Not everyone is who they say they are online. What if a gang of men are waiting for OPs son instead of the girl he thinks he is meeting.

I'd definitely suggest a Saturday afternoon in a busy public place as well. It's a good age to talk about the dangers of online dating and keeping safe.

Please don't let him go. I'm a Londoner and it's not a nice place to get lost in. There's people waiting to pounce , plus the London population are not approachable in any way to help in a crisis. Very bad idea. Highly discourage. O. M. G. No.

A nephew did this without telling his parents - she ended up not being 16 and was only 13. She had not told her parents and he ended up being hauled in by the police for underage grooming even thought she had lied to him. He had all his electrical things (& everyone else's in the family) seized to be checked over. It did all work out as could prove she had lied to him about her age but definitely a lesson learned moment. Do not let him do this alone and absolutely insist on FaceTime and to talk to her parents first! Ideally accompany him if he is amenable - there are so many ways this could go wrong! Hope it all works out

Even with Facetime, I would still accompany your son. Predators, especially if part of a gang, could very well be using trafficked girls as lures on Facetime.

No. Not in a million years. He nd you have NO idea who he’s been talking to. Could be real/fine, but could be anyone. Nope!

Social worker here - please please do not let your son do this. I’m a strong believer in young people taking positive risk taking and meeting people is a great part of being young. However this sounds so unsafe. There are so many heartbreaking stories of horrible things that have happened to both adult and children when meeting people online for the first time. This does not sound like 1 of the situations where all safety planning has been done and your son may be jumping in head first (ah to be young again ♥️).

If this person is also 17 (still legally a child) I’d be concerned they were also meeting up with random people online. Did she add him or did he add her? could she be vulnerable too? Do her parents know? What personal details does he have her about her?

Besides all the really serious stuff that could go wrong like what happened to poor break there’s also things like him travelling there and getting ghosted? That happens far too often in dating worlds including adults. That could have really serious emotional impact on him and impact his self esteem. Especially being so far away from home.

if your son felt uncomfortable would he be confident enough to leave the situation? Or would he feel rude. It’s amazing how many people get themselves in tricky situations and then don’t feel able to leave. Especially out of politeness and unwritten social rules.

other people have given great advice and the NSPCC and other organisations have great advice for children and meeting people online.

If he does meet her please make sure you have done really good safety planning and he knows to call 999 if he feels unsafe. There’s also hollyguard app and other safety apps. All sounds really dramatic but unfortunately they are needed.

I’d also be asking what other social media she has. Children rarely just have 1 social media account like Snapchat. I’d be trying to explore the others

That's really shitty. So you insisted that the girl came to you, then told her social worker on her? Set a bit of a trap there, didn't you.

Sometimes the people they chat to are because friend suggestions pop up due to mutual friends. It might be worth exploring this with him to make you feel better x

Some things we can't escape especially in this day and age. People will meet someone they met online. However, the two things I see as red flags here are:

1. Not talked or facetimed before meeting seeing as they'll have to travel to meet.

1. Meeting at night around 10pm after travelling into a place he's never been to meet a stranger.

The last one shows your son needs even more guidance to make the right decision. It's all kinds of dangerous to do that at any age let alone at 16.

Solution:

1. Call/Video to confirm who you're about to meet. It's not a blind date.

1. Meet during the day in a public place and never go anywhere private with them.

1. Go with someone who can keep an eye from a distance, intervene/ call the police immediately anything goes wrong.

Numbers changed automatically after posting. They were supposed to be 1, 2, 3.

No. You need to do a lot more background checks. How did they meet? New profiles sound suspicious
you go too or he doesn’t go. You may be considered the lamest parent ever but better than your son getting into something he can’t get out of like gangs or county lines who prey on young people who don’t have a big friendship support network.

@PicturePlace what @NoOneKnowsWhoYouAre did was a service to this girl. The posters DS had no terrible intentions. What if it was someone else she was meeting who had caused her serious harm. Any person especially women who meet up from online activity are taking a risk every single time. It’s a calculated risk though and meeting via Snapchat and not having spoken to them is a huge risk.

I wouldn't let him go to London no. That being said my DS has a gf that he met through snapchat, added her on instagram and they talked on the phone every day for weeks, she lives in the same town though so she came round here one day while we was all home and they've been together since. I was worried about grooming too but they was video calling each other. I wouldn't have let him go and meet her in a strange place though. You could always go with him and then sit away from a distance

I think encouraging a new friendship is a good idea- but the fact this is at night, in a place he’s never been alone, with someone only online is a recipe for disaster!!
absolutely enforce a day time meet up, and go along. If they are in a coffee shop then go for a walk or do a bit of shopping. But I would be walking my child to the meet up location to make sure this is who she says she is.

You can’t be too careful.

Normal doesn’t mean safe

Oh yes, I should definitely have ignored the fact that a girl who was extremely vulnerable and 15 years old turned up at my house planning to stay overnight at the home of a boy she has met online, with no parents knowing or asking where she was going. Lucky she fell into my "trap" then wasn't it and not the actual trap of someone more sinister. 🙄

I hope you don't have children and think that if they went to stay with a stranger it wouldn't be a safeguarding risk.

Not unreasonable. He may be 16 but he’s still a child. Doesn’t sound like a very good idea to me!