Hello
i wondered if anyone can offer me some advice as I am completely drained of ideas and techniques to use now having exhausted all avenues.
I split from the children’s dad nearly two years ago however he stayed living with us for a few months after.
When he lived with us (our two girls), he spent very little time with us and showed little to no interest in their lives.
He would come home from work on the weekends and sit and drink Fri Sat Sun nights which I dreaded because often he would talk rubbish to the kids. Towards the last year or so before he moved out his behaviour became much more erratic - walked my youngest daughter from her friends house in the pouring rain home absolutely drunk out his head. I had to console her when she got in.
At the time the kids couldn’t wait for him to leave. I kept the big house on so the kids could have some stability as they were incredibly upset to think of leaving the home. That has hit me hard financially but was worth it for their sake.
Since he’s been gone he’s seen my youngest once a week for tea. My eldest is very uncomfortable in his presence and chooses not to see him. She’s 18 and wants nothing to do with him.
my youngests behaviour has become very negative and nasty in the home towards both of us. She constantly says she hates me, that I never give her money that dad gives me (csa). She’s told me her dad has said that I should be giving her the csa money directly to her and that if she lives with him he will put it all into her account for her to spend. I saved up so she could go on a ski trip with school which wasn’t cheap and took her away this summer. She really doesn’t do without from me however her demands and very bad attitude towards me is unbelievable. I’m always telling her I love her. She says she hates where we live now etc.
I have a new partner who she’s not said anything bad about but her dad has been negative about.
I’ve tried all techniques with her - getting cross, being calm etc but nothing works.
she tells me to F off etc etc - it’s so very bad.
she came home from being with her dad twice now once hungover and the other been sick from having drinks.
I’ve approached him to talk but he’s not interested and turns her behaviour on me as predicted by a manipulator.
ive allowed her to start seeing him two nights a week but not the weekend night for now in thinking about potential exposure to drink, because in the week he goes to the gym.
Any advice would be great. Please no nasty comments as I’m incredibly down with all of this.
thank you