15 DD said she is ready for sex! Help please

[MrsNe]

Hello, I have been googling this all night. I'm
So please she
Told me her "friend" from Luton is coming to visit her today as she was helping with laundry to get specific clothes washed that she wants to wear. She has never helped before with laundry voluntarily- usually have to tell her to and she reluctantly does it.
Anyway, they met a month ago at a concert we attended as a family and have been pre-chatting ok snap exclusively.
We got back from 2 weeks holiday and he is coming to see her- got her Pandora gift apparently and she made us help hunt for a gift for him- she is not usually bothered with going to Medina/Market when on holiday.
Anyway, I get joke form work at midnight, she comes to help with laundry and casually said, you know how you said we could go to GP when I was ready... can we go tomorrow please? I think I
Am ready.
I thanked her for telling me and she went on today, he is a virgin, turns 18 next week and because she is 16 in November, she would
Like to do more than kiss.
I said I'd book GP but that as its first time they are meeting after first meet to stick to kissing for now.
I am a sergeant in police so she knows about tea and consent video and we discussed this again.
I can't stop her o know but omg!
Anything else I can do? Have a 13 year old DD also and don't want to set a precedent.
Thanks in advance.

What evidence have you seen of his age?

I am normally quite liberal but she is going in to Year 11 and he could be off to University.

I think if he was a Sept born and was going in to Year 13, this wouldn't be quite as bad.

The year group in this instance is the issue. If I went to Uni and someone there was dating a 15 year old who hadn't done her GCSE's yet, I would think it was a bit weird.

My view is that OP has done an excellent job so far. I’m sure there are many 15 year olds who wouldn’t be comfortable talking to their parents about sex.
What she does and says now is what’s important. If it were me I’d find it hard not to keep my word but I couldn’t not emphasise that having sex is best left until you know and trust the person you are with, and that bearing in mind the limited contact she’s had with this boy I dont believe that she knows him well enough. I’d ask her to be really really honest with herself about this and remind her that whilst the choice is hers to make any boy who doesn’t respect her wishes if she decides she’s not ready will end up not being worth it
Although it might fall on deaf ears I wouldn’t hesitate to remind her that as the law stands sex at 15 is technically illegal and that this being so it would be best if she at least waited a few more months.
It may be an old fashioned view nowadays but my parents made perfectly clear that you didn’t have to have sex with every boy you went out with and that if you did you were in danger of gaining a reputation it would be hard to shake off. I’d be mentioning this too
Thankfully I’ve got a few years yet before OPs dilemma becomes one I’ll have to face. The availability of the pill has been a wonderful thing for sexual freedom but I do wish that there was a similarly reliable alternative for women as I worry about the long term effects of it being taken from such a young age.

@MrsNe

Relating to this specific occasion rather than the broader and more significant issues, I would be inclined to say that it will be lovely to meet him and that you will all go out for something to eat.

Say that you can collect him at the railway station and will drop him off back there later on.

He's 18 next week and left college and she's 15 and still in compulsory education. OP's DD only met this man once and has only known him for a month! This isn't a long term relationship.

I highly recommend you do your research on the effects of starting birth control at this age.

Yes so like I said, a 15yo and 17yo. Two teenagers. I'm familiar with how birthdays operate. I didn't say it was a long term relationship. I also said I would discourage sex.
I don't think its helpful to have unrealistic expectations of teenage behaviour. OP can forbid her from seeing the gp, forbid her seeing this boy and her DD will never come to her again.

One has another year of school left and isn't the age of consent and the other has left college and is a man. They're basically 15 and 18 as he is 18 in a week. She has only known him a month!

It sounds as if he’s pressurising her and she’s flattered. I think alarm bells would be ringing for me.
Also your house/your rules

Yes, like I said I am aware of how birthdays work. I'm not disagreeing with their ages. Repeatedly pointing that out doesn't constitute any type of advice does it?

I wouldn’t be allowing her to meet him. He’s 18, she’s too young.

I agree.
I actually think it’s rather sad that 15 year olds are in sexual relationships and that parents encourage it.
So many other enjoyable things to do at 15-17.

I also find it odd that mumsnet normalises 15 year olds being mature enough for sex and yet when Prince Andrew slept with a 17 year old he was branded a paedophile.
Not condoning Prince Andrew just to be clear, but there does seem to be double standards around age.

Christ alive, I wouldn’t allow this in a million years.

Absolutely - I was coming here to say that. Shocked at how many people think it's ok to pop their child on the pill in anticipation of them having sex, without even thinking about the long term effects or hormonal contraception.

I'm just going to throw this out there. If I'd said the same thing as the OPa DD to my DM aged 15 the response I would have really wanted is "No way am I happy about him coming to visit - and if he does I will keep a very close eye on you! It would have given me a get out clause from a situation I didn't really want to be in.

I think one of the various problems here is that he will be over 18 in a week and your daughter will be 15. So it will be an offence under the Sexual Offences Act Section 9, 1 c i.

Also she has met him once!

Don't be ridiculous. I'm treating it as a potential safeguarding issue. I'm not calling anyone names. I'm saying it's not legal, it's not appropriate, and it's not safe. I wonder why you're so invested in this illegal, inappropriate and dangerous sexual encounter.

Friend is coming to visit today and she wants to go to GP tomorrow? You're pretty lucky to be somewhere that can get appointments so quickly - we'd be waiting weeks!
Where is friend staying and for how long?

I am surprised that a police sergeant is not pushing back a bit more on this.

There you go again, suggesting I’m creepy or unsavoury - but without actually engaging with what I’m saying, because if you did you wouldn’t be able to make that accusation.

It is possible that she wants to go to the GP to get the ball rolling - she may not intend to have sex with him immediately but it is a live issue for her now when it wasn’t before.

I would be encouraging her to slow down, and not to expect the outcome of the GP appointment to be instant protection from pregnancy.

(AFAIK, statutory rape is a US offence, we don’t have it here. As another poster has pointed out, though, it is illegal for them to have sex once he is 18 whilst she is still 15.)

She's a 15 year old child!
She's met this Man once?!
He's an adult!
It's illegal and you're in the police?!
Unbelievable
You're her mother not her mate, you need to act like it.

We do have statutory rape in the UK.

Statutory rape in the UK involves sexual activity with someone under the age of consent. This includes sexual intercourse, touching, kissing, or fondling. The Sexual Offences Act 2003 is the primary legislation that governs statutory rape in England.

Sexual activity with a child over 13 but under 16 carries a maximum of 14 years in prison, a fine, 6 months in prison, or both.Offenses relating to children under 18 is a maximum of 5 years in prison.

I've engaged with you many times on this thread and explained why I think your comments are creepy.

@cupcaske123 I don't dispute that it is illegal - I think it is called 'sexual offences regarding minors' rather than 'statutory rape' though - ?