15 DD said she is ready for sex! Help please

[MrsNe]

Hello, I have been googling this all night. I'm
So please she
Told me her "friend" from Luton is coming to visit her today as she was helping with laundry to get specific clothes washed that she wants to wear. She has never helped before with laundry voluntarily- usually have to tell her to and she reluctantly does it.
Anyway, they met a month ago at a concert we attended as a family and have been pre-chatting ok snap exclusively.
We got back from 2 weeks holiday and he is coming to see her- got her Pandora gift apparently and she made us help hunt for a gift for him- she is not usually bothered with going to Medina/Market when on holiday.
Anyway, I get joke form work at midnight, she comes to help with laundry and casually said, you know how you said we could go to GP when I was ready... can we go tomorrow please? I think I
Am ready.
I thanked her for telling me and she went on today, he is a virgin, turns 18 next week and because she is 16 in November, she would
Like to do more than kiss.
I said I'd book GP but that as its first time they are meeting after first meet to stick to kissing for now.
I am a sergeant in police so she knows about tea and consent video and we discussed this again.
I can't stop her o know but omg!
Anything else I can do? Have a 13 year old DD also and don't want to set a precedent.
Thanks in advance.

I'm wondering how these enthusiasts for underage sex with virtual strangers would feel if their daughters got into trouble. It's fairly common for girls to get pressured into sex boys have seen in porn such as choking and anal. She'll also be a lot weaker than him so how does the Tea video protect her when she's alone in bed with a man she's met once?

I don't think the issue is she wants to have sex - she wants to have sex with an adult she barely knows. If they'd met at a school and were both about to turn 16 I think it would be a very different scenario.

I know my own DSs wouldn't have wanted to be in a relationship like this - they would have run a mile from an underage girl when they were about to turn 18. As the girls mother I would be having g a serious word with this young man. And I wouldn't take his world he was a virgin.

How on earth are people thinking this is ok? She is 15 and has met the guy once! She can’t possibly be ready for sex. She is underage and he is an adult she doesn’t even know. You can’t condone this. It’s completely irresponsible.

You need to stop being liberal and cool about this and tell her no she is not meeting up to have sex with a random adult for the price of a Pandora bracelet. This shouldn't be acceptable. All mine are still teens and at 15 they were studying for GCSEs, working hard and going to sports clubs and doing hobbies, seeing family or friends at the weekend or working. There is no need for them to have physical and emotional relationships when still children, they have the rest of their lives to do that.

I second everyone here saying the second time they meet seems a bit quick - for anyone of any age! Nothing wrong with pointing that out to her. Although I remember being 15 and wow, sex drive or what! 😂

Some people are being rather ridiculous about the age gap. Whether that’s an issue totally depends on the 2 teenagers in question. But sticking rigidly to legal definitions like “child” and “adult” to describe 2 teenagers of near similar age shows real poverty and inflexibility of thought. A nearly 16 year old is not a child; a nearly 18 year old is barely a man.

OP I’d be more concerned about her making herself vulnerable with a guy who could be going to be going off to Uni or something soon - how would she feel if it was short lived and they’d taken this step?

I also think that it’s worth pointing out it’s technically illegal (though the police would not get involved if she was nearly 16 and consenting). You can’t stop them but you aren’t a facilitator - whether by allowing her to stay out all night or having him to stay.

You sound like you have a great relationship with your daughter, OP.

No she is not ready at all. Telling her you would visit GP when she is ready meant when she is at least 16 surely?? I would refuse to take her as she is still 15.

15 is not “pretty standard” only 19% of Brits lose their virginity before age 16. The median age is 17.

She is underage. There is no way I’d let a guy she has met 1x at a concert and says he is ‘almost 18’ - he could be much older! Come and visit her when she is already seeming to have been groomed online into saying she would have sex with him! This is not normal at all.

Well good luck getting a GP appointment 😂

do you know how far has she gone with other boyfriends? I think she may feel very different when she’s face to face with a guy she has barely met.

Even nowadays there’s a big difference between 15 and 18.

I would say - if he really is interested he will wait at least 6 months until she has gotten to know him better. What’s the rush. There is absolutely plenty that she can do with him which fall short of intercourse (obviously mindful of STI’s). For a woman, especially an inexperienced one, a lot of that stuff is far more pleasurable than penetration. If she is worried about getting carried away in the moment, then she probably isn’t ready - she is probably feeling under pressure to please him, or feeling like she wants bragging rights with her friends.

But sticking rigidly to legal definitions like “child” and “adult” to describe 2 teenagers of near similar age shows real poverty and inflexibility of thought.

Saying things like this makes you sound pretty creepy, tbh.

Your 15 year old has almost certainly been groomed by an 18 year old man and wants to have sex with him having met him once. This is absolutely not ok. The age discrepancy would ring major alarm bells. Most 18 year olds are dating/sleeping with people their own age, not much younger teens. It would be a hard no from me. She needs to know that this is not how sexual encounters should work!

First of all she has trust with you you sound great by the way.

As does describing 16 year olds as adults.

I think 2 and a bit years is a very normal age gap, even at that age. Plenty of 17 year old boys (he is 17, not 18, even if he is nearly 18) would date a 15 year old (almost 16). She would be in her last year of school and he could be in 6th form. I saw this play out plenty when I was those ages.

When did I do that? She is a child. The man grooming her is an adult. It's not creepy to say an adult is an adult. You are weird.

I'm rather worried that someone who's a sergeant in the police thinks this is ok!!

17 is also a child under the eyes of the law, so for the next week, you're incorrect

I'll live with it.

Absolutely 100%!

FFS with the evil groomer older man.

Firstly, you've no idea whether this just about to turn 18 year old has any idea that the dd has been chatting to her mum about being ready for sex.

Secondly, if they're both English, he was one of the very youngest in his school year so they're only 1 school year apart which is a perfectly normal relationship gap. [Edit to say, actually English school years do my head in so I'm not absolutely sure about that - could be 3 if I'm working back the wrong way).

Everything that you're saying about waiting is absolutely the best thing for her to do, and hopefully she'll realise that for herself but it's just a fact that teenagers don't always wait and the worst case scenario here is that they sneak around behind everyone's back and she gets pregnant. So given that she's said that she's thinking about it, now is the time for the GP. Double contraception to protect against pregnancy and STIs preferably.

Some really good advice here. She's underage and I would be encouraging her not to have sex.

She feels "ready" for sex but.....

Does she feel ready to go to a GP or clinic to sort out birth control
Does she feel ready to go to a clinic if she has a suspected STI
Does she know what "stealthing" is?
How confident is she at being firm with what she does and does not consent to?
Has she considered pregnancy? What then?
Have you? What will you tell her if she gets pregnant? What choices will you support and can you support financially?

I think you can feel ready for sex biologically but emotionally is a whole other ball game. Bit like the difference between getting a driving lesson and actually being responsible for a car, insurance, other peoples safety and possible criminal charges for dangerous driving.

The person you were responding to said:

A nearly 16 year old is not a child

Which I think is creepy. Reminds me of the days when there were 16 year olds on page 3.

Ages aside, I do find her wanting to be sexual after only meeting once a bit of a worry. Has he instigated sexual chats? That's a red flag for me, when only having met once. You'd hope he'd be wanting to get to know her better as a person rather than immediately enter into sexualised conversations and likely talk of taking her virginity.

I think you need to sit down and talk to your girl and let her know your concerns from a "I've been around the block" view. Not from a police officer stance. Men that want sex on the first occasion you meet them don't usually end up being the respectful types. Is he really a virgin? How much does she know about him? Can she verify his age by social media, like is he visibly still in sixth form or college? Friends of him have birthdays viewable or anything of like like?

She will make her own decisions and if she wants to have sex, I doubt you can stop it. But, you can advise from a more wise and experienced standpoint, why this might not be the best idea and she could regret it.
You could angle it that she only has once opportunity to lose her virginity and it can be a really special moment. Also, not having sex the first time they meet will allow her to "test"(for lack of a better word) what exactly it is he's after. If he's genuine, they should be able to hang out and get to know each other. It's also usually quite fun to build up the sexual tension between one another, rather than go full speed ahead immediately.

You should tell her condoms are a requirement as another commenter said, as if he doesn't want to put one on or is funny about it he simply doesn't respect you enough and doesn't deserve your body. I would be getting birth control just incase, and I'd personally be buying a morning after pill for 20 from the pharmacy for the "just incase" cupboard. At 15 years old she can get these things herself without your input if she really wants to, so embrace the fact she raised it with you and take her to the doctor's - otherwise you'll miss out on the moment and shell get her hands on them anyway. Better to be present than locked out of these moments and conversations

Ah, I see! Apologies. I agree with you, that is creepy.

I'm a bit disturbed by how many on this thread seem to think this is all fine.

He's off to uni and she has yet to sit her GCSEs.

I don't think he is an "evil groomer" but I do think this needs to be considered. My DC have grown up a lot in the time between GCSEs and uni, it's a big difference at that age.

She doesn't even know him - only met him once a month ago!! He's also an adult and she's still a school child in compulsory education. Although it's more the fact she wants to have sex with a random man she doesn't know that would bother me. Sending stuff on Snapchat instead of texts gives me the unsettling impression that she may have sent him nudes if he's so excited to have sex with a child.

To be fair, I think the ages are fine, the biggest age gap you can have at that age but within the realms of normal. The situation itself with them basically arranging to meet up for what sounds like sex, both being virgins apparently, is the problem. I'd be trying to steer her away from casual sex while losing her virginity with somebody she barely knows and has met once. It's a recipe for disaster, hurt, and regret later down the road