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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Should I open or leave them - head wobbling

90 replies

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:15

So this is the situation

My DD has done her GCSE , she is expecting to get good results and has her heart set on six form college .

She's a great girl , very independent and feisty . Working hard in part time job.

We have paid half towards a ticket at Leeds fest . She's going with friends and older siblings.

Leeds fest starts the day before results come through . She's having them delivered by post .

I'm going to have to look at that envelope and resist opening it for 5 days until she returns

How the hell am I going to do that !

When everyone is feeling reassured or knowing results I won't know anything

Aibu to want her to let me open it and know the grades ?

OP posts:

daisy524 · 01/08/2024 12:17

well it's not your results, it's hers? what a weird post

Waitingfordoggo · 01/08/2024 12:18

YANBU to feel impatient (I would too) but you would be unreasonable to open the results unless she expressly asks you to!

BeachBae · 01/08/2024 12:19

I'd have wanted to know my results, will she not have you open them on face time for her?

Original poster

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:20

In what way is it weird

I'm asking if anyone else would find it hard to wait 5 days
or ask their DD for permission to open and know so they can start to look at options if grades arn't achieved

OP posts:

Elizo · 01/08/2024 12:20

If everyone else is getting their results she will likely want hers. I would expect a message or call. You have to do what she says. I’d be desperate to open too, but down to them

Merrow · 01/08/2024 12:21

Why don't you ask her what she wants? My dad opened my results because he was home and I wasn't, and I didn't mind him knowing first.

HarpieDuJour · 01/08/2024 12:22

My mother opened my Higher results when I was out at a friend's house. Then had the nerve to bitch about them not being good enough. I have never forgiven her. Just don't do it. (Although to be fair this was a pattern with my mother and she had told my sister to phone my school and try to get my GCSE results a couple of years before. I had already phoned so she got nothing, thankfully).

In Scotland we have a text notification service that kids can sign up for, can you do that where you are? That way, your daughter could get the results and tell you, and you could leave her private mail alone.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 01/08/2024 12:23

Will she not have to submit evidence of her results to confirm a 6th form/college place?
We have to do that, and it opens from results day. If she delays this will it affect her place?

daisy524 · 01/08/2024 12:23

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:20

In what way is it weird

I'm asking if anyone else would find it hard to wait 5 days
or ask their DD for permission to open and know so they can start to look at options if grades arn't achieved

because you're making it about you?

'I'm going to have to look at that envelope and resist opening it for 5 days until she returns

How the hell am I going to do that !'

quite easily i'd have thought, because they're not your results, and you didn't sit the exams. don't try and take it away from her and make it about you 😳

Original poster

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:24

Thankyou for the helpful comments ( not the weird shaming one )

I'm told the reception isn't good at Leeds fest so may not get a call or FaceTime. That would be ideal .

Despite her independence she still needs us sometimes and if the grades aren't good she will def want our help . I would rather know and let her enjoy the festival and either celebrate , get active on plan b when she returns

OP posts:

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 01/08/2024 12:24

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:20

In what way is it weird

I'm asking if anyone else would find it hard to wait 5 days
or ask their DD for permission to open and know so they can start to look at options if grades arn't achieved

It's not weird to find it hard to wait, that's natural. It would be weird to open them without your daughter there on the basis she can look at options. She'll be at Leeds Fest, she won't want to be looking at options. It can all wait until she's back.

Polyp0 · 01/08/2024 12:25

I don't understand your last message, are you saying you're going to open them? I really don't think you should do this.

Mindymomo · 01/08/2024 12:26

Doesn’t your DD want to know the results, on the day, ask her if she wants you to open them.

Boltonb · 01/08/2024 12:26

Totally weird. Overstepping, inappropriate, infantilising, and nosey to name just a few issues.

Not your results. Not yours to read, and certainly not your decision on what to do with the results if they’re not what she wanted.

Put the envelope in her room when it arrives
and let her enjoy her festival.

God,what is wrong with people?

notacooldad · 01/08/2024 12:26

I would wait.
Let your dd see gor herself and give her time to process what she reads.
She may have great results and you can celebrate together.
She may be disappointed and need a bit of space.
I get why you want to see them but they are her results.
Just put the envelope out of sight and keep yourself busy.

keylimedog · 01/08/2024 12:27

I would definitely wait - if they're bad they might ruin her fun and time and the festival?

Brokenpebbles · 01/08/2024 12:28

The title of your thread and most recent post indicate that you are considering opening her results. Don't do that. I'm astonished you'd even consider it.

Original poster

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:30

Ooh thanks for the hating guys

Just to clarify , yes they are hers , she won't be here , of course I won't open her mail without her permission not under any circumstances, she's 16 she often wants help and we give it when required.
Her place in sixform is depending on grades not when she notifies them , we've checked this. She registers two days after she gets back from Leeds

No option to get results through email , we asked this .

OP posts:

notacooldad · 01/08/2024 12:31

I didn't see your 12:24 post when I posted
Now you are getting weird.
Despite her independence she still needs us sometimes and if the grades aren't good she will def want our help . I would rather know and let her enjoy the festival and either celebrate , get active on plan b when she returns
She can enjoy the festival.
You don't need to see the results
You can still plan a celebration if the results are good or do your plan b if they are not.
Just be a normal parent and let her see her own results I'm her own time.

MoreIcedLattePlease · 01/08/2024 12:32

I also have to pick up DSs results this year as he is away on NCS the day they come out. I would desperately love to peek but they are not my results. They belong to DS and he deserves for me to respect his wishes.

I will be there with you in spirit desperately wanting to know, but it's completely unreasonable to suggest opening them.

Original poster

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:32

I actually asked this

Aibu to want her to let me open it and know the grades

Not " should I open the envelope "

OP posts:

MoreIcedLattePlease · 01/08/2024 12:34

You got your answer, OP. Not liking it doesn't mean people didn't understand the question.

niclw · 01/08/2024 12:35

As a teacher I have seen many students open their results on results day. It needs to be led by the child. However, your daughter may need to be in contact with her preferred college choice in the days immediately after results. The college that most of our students go to, require them to collect their results and then go to the college on results day to confirm their results and courses. Another college does everything online through their portal. Check what she will need to do and whether there are any deadlines. She may not need to do anything.

thursdaymurderclub · 01/08/2024 12:35

why do you need to know? she will get the results she gets, good or bad! and if she wants support afterwards then she can ask. i suspect you are one of those pushy parents who demand their children do well!

i hope she keeps you waiting weeks

caringcarer · 01/08/2024 12:36

You'll just have to wait until she gets back.

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