Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should I open or leave them - head wobbling

90 replies

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:15

So this is the situation

My DD has done her GCSE , she is expecting to get good results and has her heart set on six form college .

She's a great girl , very independent and feisty . Working hard in part time job.

We have paid half towards a ticket at Leeds fest . She's going with friends and older siblings.

Leeds fest starts the day before results come through . She's having them delivered by post .

I'm going to have to look at that envelope and resist opening it for 5 days until she returns

How the hell am I going to do that !

When everyone is feeling reassured or knowing results I won't know anything

Aibu to want her to let me open it and know the grades ?

OP posts:
notacooldad · 01/08/2024 13:19

Why ask Mumsnet when you can ask your daughter??
There's no need to ask the dd anything.
Just leave her be to enjoy the festival.
She knows when results are due.
Why put pressure on her to ask.

Kdubs1981 · 01/08/2024 13:22

Opening them would be completely unacceptable. They are her results that she worked hard for. She deserves to know before you. Would you open anybody else's post that wasn't addressed to you? Is it still against the law.

I do understand it's hard, but you need to be a grown up about it and wait.

ramsayboltonshounds · 01/08/2024 13:22

What does your daughter want you to do?

My nanna opened mine and told me over the phone because we were on holiday when they came!

TheMightyWanderer · 01/08/2024 13:28

Leave them! My mum opened my A level results (they were online) and burst into my room to tell me what they were. I couldn’t be annoyed about it as she was just excited, but it did take away my own excitement in that moment.

MrsToddsShortcut · 01/08/2024 14:16

Sorry you're getting a hard time. It's completely natural as a mum to want to know the results, and you've been really clear you're not going to just open them!

Speak to your DD and ask her what she wants to do. If she is happy for you to open them on her behalf, then great (although I suspect she will want to open them herself, especially as you may not be able to get through to talk to her anyway).

If (as I suspect) she says no and wants to wait till she gets back, then you'll just have to pop the envelope in a drawer and forget it's there!

Thinking about it, all her friends at the festival will be in the same boat, so they may be wanting to all open them at the same time. Or you may find if any of them have their parents calling them with their results, she may change her mind.

Just ask her what she wants. But don't feel bad for caring about her results. It's not easy when your children grow up and 16 is bang in the middle of that process. They want and need more and more independence, and you need to trust them to start making their own decisions. But they still very much need a guiding hand in the background. Just be there when she needs you Flowers

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/08/2024 14:22

' she is expecting to get good results '
so why are you thinking now that they won't be / she may need to make other arrangements re 6th form college

notacooldad · 01/08/2024 14:30

Speak to your DD and ask her what she wants to do.
Why? She's at a festival, leave her alone!
She would have asked if it was on her mind.

Vettrianofan · 01/08/2024 14:36

Book yourself a train journey for results day so it's not on your mind🙂

Miyagi99 · 01/08/2024 14:52

My daughter got a text notification I think

Gelasring · 01/08/2024 14:53

I don't think it's weird to want to open them but I do think it's weird to ask strangers. Literally the only opinion that matters is your daughter's. If we all say you should open them but she tells you not to then it's still her you should be listening to.

dragonfliesandbees · 01/08/2024 15:01

@notacooldad She’s not there yet. It’s three weeks away!

Original poster
upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 15:04

@MrsToddsShortcut
Your answer makes the most sense , thankyou

All the people she's going to festival with are a year above so no results for them

Yes she is at that age where she needs hands off until she asks .

OP posts:
notacooldad · 01/08/2024 15:05

Flipping heck of course it is!
I should have remembered as mine did the festivals.
My advice is still the same, let Dd bring the subject up.

honeylulu · 01/08/2024 15:07

Why don't you ask her what she wants to do.
If she says open them and phone her, do that.
If she says leave it for her when she gets back, do that.
Don't pressure or persuade if she says no.

My mum would have opened them and I'd have hated that. It felt like she didn't consider me to be a real person. Both for GCSEs and A levels I managed to get to them first and she was annoyed with me both times (tough).

itsgettingweird · 01/08/2024 15:10

We were on holiday when mine came through. We weren't due back for 2 weeks and had already been away for 2.

I was fine. Until everyone around me got their results. Then I wanted mine.

Rang my neighbour with keys who was terrified of telling me them wrongly 😂

But my parents (both teachers) managed not to be concerned enough to do our normal 3 week camping trip with travel either side over the date!!!

Your dd may change her mind like I did about waiting though!

BorisJohnsonsWigGlue · 01/08/2024 16:51

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:30

Ooh thanks for the hating guys

Just to clarify , yes they are hers , she won't be here , of course I won't open her mail without her permission not under any circumstances, she's 16 she often wants help and we give it when required.
Her place in sixform is depending on grades not when she notifies them , we've checked this. She registers two days after she gets back from Leeds

No option to get results through email , we asked this .

Well or she wants help she'll ask for it! She's at a bloody festival. Leave her be and keep your beak out.

RampantIvy · 01/08/2024 17:52

@upto10andbackagain why isn't she going into the school on Thursday to pick up her results before leaving for the festival? Isn't that what most 16 year old do?

Oldraver · 01/08/2024 17:54

I was at Reading with DS last year when his results arrived

He made his Dad open them 😅

betterangels · 01/08/2024 17:54

It's her results. Perhaps she doesn't want to know before the event she's going to.

dragonfliesandbees · 01/08/2024 18:52

RampantIvy · 01/08/2024 17:52

@upto10andbackagain why isn't she going into the school on Thursday to pick up her results before leaving for the festival? Isn't that what most 16 year old do?

Probably because the festival starts on the Wednesday…

RampantIvy · 01/08/2024 19:13

dragonfliesandbees · 01/08/2024 18:52

Probably because the festival starts on the Wednesday…

Show quote history

It starts on the Friday, but many festival goers go on the Thursday. DD worked at Leeds festival one year and was there Wednesday to Tuesday. Most kids collect their GCSE results on Thursday morning then head off to Bramham Park in the afternoon.

dragonfliesandbees · 01/08/2024 19:52

@RampantIvy I was just going by the OP who said the festival starts the day before the results come through.

letmego24 · 01/08/2024 20:43

notacooldad · 01/08/2024 13:19

Why ask Mumsnet when you can ask your daughter??
There's no need to ask the dd anything.
Just leave her be to enjoy the festival.
She knows when results are due.
Why put pressure on her to ask.

She's not there yet!!
I just be getting old and grumpy but just don't see why you haven't asked her. Anyway she'll get them surely by text and e nail??

notacooldad · 01/08/2024 21:06

@letmego24
She's not there yet!!
I just be getting old and grumpy but just don't see why you haven't asked her. Anyway she'll get them surely by text and e nail??

Yeah, I realised that when someone else pointed it out earlier on.
I've lost track of when exam results come out.

Rollergirl11 · 01/08/2024 22:40

Most students collect their results and then head to the festival on the Thursday. There is early bird access to Reading/Leeds on the Wednesday. However the festival doesn’t actually start until the Friday. They have a silent disco on Thursday night but no live acts until the Friday. There won’t even be a silent disco going on the Wednesday.

OP, can’t your DD just collect her results on the Thursday and go afterwards? She won’t be missing anything!