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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Should I open or leave them - head wobbling

90 replies

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:15

So this is the situation

My DD has done her GCSE , she is expecting to get good results and has her heart set on six form college .

She's a great girl , very independent and feisty . Working hard in part time job.

We have paid half towards a ticket at Leeds fest . She's going with friends and older siblings.

Leeds fest starts the day before results come through . She's having them delivered by post .

I'm going to have to look at that envelope and resist opening it for 5 days until she returns

How the hell am I going to do that !

When everyone is feeling reassured or knowing results I won't know anything

Aibu to want her to let me open it and know the grades ?

OP posts:

Ducal · 01/08/2024 12:36

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:32

I actually asked this

Aibu to want her to let me open it and know the grades

Not " should I open the envelope "

Your thread title is literally “Should I open or leave them”

BecuaseIWantItThatWay · 01/08/2024 12:38

YABU!

Without putting pressure on her, ask your daughter what SHE wants. YABU in suggesting it is about you/you cannot control yourself. You have the potential to spoil her trip or the potential so celebrate/commiserate together.

Ginnnny · 01/08/2024 12:42

put the envelope in a drawer - or away in her room - and try not to think about it until she’s back. She may indeed ask you to open them and tell her the results while she’s away, but is that likely? I know my DD would be having too much fun to care. Of course she will want your help if the grades aren’t good enough, but that’s a bridge to cross when you know.

BeaRF75 · 01/08/2024 12:45

DO NOT LOOK AT THEM! My mother did this (obviously without my knowledge) and I was so upset and angry that it took the shine off what were actually very good results.

To be honest, I have never forgiven her, and it was 40+ years ago.

They are not your results, OP, and you have no right to see them before your child. Just lock the unopened envelope away somewhere.

BubblegumLolly · 01/08/2024 12:45

They're HER results. Let her open them when she returns. What if they're not what she wants and it ruins the rest of the festival?

randoname · 01/08/2024 12:51

I’m sure she’ll phone and ask you to open them. Some of her friends will know while she’s there and she’ll want to know.
There’s literally nothing you can do now. Try and park it.

PiggieWig · 01/08/2024 12:54

What does she say? I was away when my results came in so my mum picked them up and read them over the phone to me.
If she can wait, you’ll have to though…

otravezempezamos · 01/08/2024 12:54

Can’t she access them online? Or get her school to phone them through? I remember a student at our school having to do that because he was in America competing in a Junior Triathlon. He gave his form tutor permission to do it.

dragonfliesandbees · 01/08/2024 12:54

I don’t understand why you are asking strangers on the internet instead of just speaking to your daughter. Does she want you to open them or would she rather wait? Her wishes are the only thing that matters here.

BobbyBiscuits · 01/08/2024 12:58

It's a rite of passage, coming back from Leeds or Reading festival to your GCSE results envelope.
I'd assume she'd not want you to open it. I understand your curiosity. They used to literally pin them to a board in the school for all to see when I was a kid, so I guess a parent could've just walked in and see it before the kid?

Marseillaise · 01/08/2024 12:59

I'm going to have to look at that envelope and resist opening it for 5 days until she returns

How the hell am I going to do that !

The same way you're waiting now? Just pretend they haven't arrived yet.

pizzaHeart · 01/08/2024 13:01

Actually I don’t think you should even ask your DD what she wants. You should wait until she returns but of course she might change her mind and ask you to open them. It will depend on what her friends will be doing.
There is no need to know them the same day unless you are going to appeal maybe? Ask school about this situation just in case. I don’t know about your DD but in a lot of cases small difference doesn’t matter so she can easily open them a few days later.

Screamingabdabz · 01/08/2024 13:01

I remember very acutely what it was like to be your dd’s age and the fact that you’d even ask this question makes me feel angry on her behalf.

She has her priorities right. She’s worked hard and is now enjoying her summer. You need to back off and just wait. And I mean this as kindly as possible, get a life.

HeadWobbler · 01/08/2024 13:05

If there's any head wobbling to be done - leave that to me, please.

Thank you 🤪

RampantIvy · 01/08/2024 13:07

BobbyBiscuits · 01/08/2024 12:58

Round here the rite of passage is to go the school to collect and open the results then go to Leeds festival.

@upto10andbackagain why is your DD not going to school to collect her results?
If they are posted they are likely to turn up after she comes back from Leeds.

Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 01/08/2024 13:09

Ask your daughter instead of internet people. She may be fine with it. I wouldnt be if it was my results or If they were my kids. Maybe you're expecting a bit much to have the results on your doormat within a day. Might not be delivered till after the weekend anyway wirh good old RM deliveries.
All 3 of mine already done sixth form and college open days before results came through so we had pre planned options as oc kids do indeed need help sometimes.
My middle daughter was away with her dad at the time hers came out. Posting them was never an option with our school. Held there until picked up. We went to the school together when she returned and she opened them with me in the car. Still plenty time to enrol in anything she needed to enrol on. Of course it's not weird to want to know. I do think its weird to think you can open them to get a head start on her plans.
Pa good luck to your daughter on her exam results.

Original poster

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 13:10

@dragonfliesandbees
Hmm I'm asking strangers on internet to find different opinions , thoughts ! Isn't that what most people use mn for

OP posts:

letmego24 · 01/08/2024 13:11

Why ask Mumsnet when you can ask your daughter??

UKposter · 01/08/2024 13:12

@upto10andbackagain the reception at Leeds fest has been bad at times but I think it’s been better the last couple of years. Probably depends what network she is on though.

Beth216 · 01/08/2024 13:12

It's not weird at all, the OP is her mother! She literally wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the OP, the OP has raised her her whole life. Just ask her OP if she wants you to open her results, maybe over facetime or something.

And it's completely insane to suggest the OP in any way infantilises or is controlling of her dd when she's letting her 16 year old go off to Leeds fest for 5 days!

If her dd doesn't want them opened then that's fair enough but absolutely no harm in asking OP. If they're being posted though will they arrive later anyway?

dragonfliesandbees · 01/08/2024 13:13

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 13:10

@dragonfliesandbees
Hmm I'm asking strangers on internet to find different opinions , thoughts ! Isn't that what most people use mn for

Ok. Well my opinion is that you should ask your daughter whether she wants you to open them or not! 😂

Other people’s thoughts and opinions are not relevant here. It is up to your daughter whether she wants you to open her results or leave them for her to open when she gets home.

Onelifeonly · 01/08/2024 13:17

I can't imagine her waiting for 5 days for them!

Ask her if she'd like you to open them and message / phone her with results. Then abide by whatever she says.

I think some posters have misunderstood your post. Though myself, I'm confused why you don't just ask her, rather than MN.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 01/08/2024 13:18

Do you feel that by paying half of her ticket entitles you to open her post / know her results before her.

jolies1 · 01/08/2024 13:19

upto10andbackagain · 01/08/2024 12:20

In what way is it weird

I'm asking if anyone else would find it hard to wait 5 days
or ask their DD for permission to open and know so they can start to look at options if grades arn't achieved

It’s frustrating to wait but it’s not your place to pressure her. You could ask her “when your results come would you like a call so I can tell you them, or prefer to wait till you’re home.” Whatever she says you go along with.

spuddy4 · 01/08/2024 13:19

Don't do it. My mother opened mine and I still resent her for it.

What good would it do? She's not there to work out her options and you can't tell her if they are lower than expected because that's not fair.

I understand your need to help her should she not get the grades she needs but it's only 5 days. Maybe discuss a backup plan with her beforehand so when she returns she can contact other colleges if she needs to?

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