Holidays are just awful for me

[HerNameIsIRIS]

Hi,

Here to rant and not sure whether to just pull the plug on taking my two teens on holiday with me. I was on here last year complaining about the same issues and here I am again.

Just about to fly back to the UK, from Croatia, and I am feeling so down about this holiday. I had wanted to go to Plitvice Lakes and Split but got to neither as neither my 16 year old or 19 year old could het out of bed. We ended up staying in the resort. The youngest one constantly has a face that trips her and never appreciates anything. The elder one starts to have a go at me if I complain. I am on my own with them as going through a long divorce (long, loveless marriage).

I'm feeling like I am not getting anything out of working hard. I'm lonely. I don't have any family, apart from them. I have left a long, sexless and loveless marriage.

Both of them sat back and watched me do the pots in the evening (we did eat out sometimes) and make the beds etc. They walked and walked around the resort in the heat and I was tired trying to keep up with them.

It's just 💩. Really is.

Eldest has a girlfriend and I've told him to go with her, in future.

I work hard in my profession to take these kids away and give them a better lifestyle than I had (my mother never took me abroad and I was only taken to Scarborough once a year). I took them to Greece last year and Canada they year before and they were the same.

I just want to leave them and go off on my own. I'm not being unreasonable am I? I honestly feel like I'm serving a prison sentence sometimes and this is not how I planned my life to be.

I'm back at work Monday feeling down and in the blues.

Eldest still in bed as I type and we have to be out in an hour.

Ok fair enough

@sunnysquare @Eadfrith Literally teh first search on goolge came out with camps for 19 year olds.

https://tutorful.co.uk/blog/incredible-uk-summer-camps-perfect-for-4-19-year-olds

Well, i'm sorry but if 19 year old acts out like 13 year old, maybe a camp will do for them.

I agree, it's too old to be acting out. I've moved to a country without knowledge of language with a single suitcase at the age of 19. But I was well travelled beforehand and always loved family holidays abroad.

I don't understand why you didn't just visit the places on your own and leave them in bed? They are old enough. You missed seeing some beautiful places. Next year I would leave them at home. You could a tour with other people if you don't want to go alone.

At 19 it just wouldn’t have been my bag. At that point I had a boyfriend (now husband) and we were going on our first holiday abroad together.

Same here. Moved to another country on my own at 19 (UK actually) and stayed for five years. Had such a great time and I will forever love UK. I was well travelled beforehand too, and can’t remember complaining to my family..

It was before wifi though, I wonder if I had been more bored if I was used to being on the internet all the time?

You might be right, maybe a summer camp is what op’s nearly adult children need. 😄

@sunnysquare she’s never been easy to talk to, rarely gives a direct answer even to closed questions. It’s hard to describe. I just decided not to offer and wait to see if she’d bring it up and she never did. I was trying to be a good daughter, would give her lots of options but whatever we did she’d been a heavy dark cloud so obviously wasn’t happy, although the memory after was very happy. Too much work, I wanted to enjoy my holiday so I dropped it.

I was hoping to give as an example to the OP. No dramas, no big family meetings, I just dropped it and went on my own holidays which were much more fun.

You did the right thing, no drama nothing!

You really need to put some focus on yourself OP. You deserve it. Leave them to organise their own fun from now on (or not), they’re old enough. Start living more for yourself.

I remember your thread from last year OP. You have options now, you can leave them at home. Hopefully! Although thinking about it, I couldn't leave one of mine at 16 as she'd have had some big old parties. But if your youngest isn't likely to do that, then crack on without them. Take a friend if you don't fancy travelling alone, or join one of those singles holidays (not for dating, just company).

If you do take them again, just go off and do your own thing, meet them later on for food/drinks/whatever. Don't fuss about making beds and tidying their rooms, shut the doors and let them get on with it.

Chill by the pool with a book/podcast, go for a long walk, find somewhere nice for lunch, detach from them a little bit. It sounds like you've been far too available for them at this age, which isn't a criticism as it's very easy to carry on doing that, but you do need to carve out time for you now.

Stop bringing them.

Separated mum Here to 2 teenagers, 15 and 16.

I love them to bits, but I don't want to holiday with them. They also don't want to holiday with me, but we LOVE being at home mooching around together.

Just go on holiday on your own, I do, and I ve grown to love it.

Get dating or hiking or anything group related. Plenty of hiking holidays or yoga holidays. You ll find group holidays for like minded people if you want.

My life is similar to yours and I love my independence. Avoid anything that seems like an endurance test, for them and you.

They are being ungrateful but perhaps it isn't their type of holiday.

I would a) talk to them and discuss that you are going away alone
B) ask what sort of holiday they would like but also lay down some ground rules.
C) something like a cruise might work well as lots of different destinations and you can leave them on board or they can pick and chose the places they want to see. Many cruised have a variety of excursions eg active or historical

Get selfish, it's time for the eldest one to sort their own holiday out.

Seriously, just give yourself the option to go alone. I recently went on a rugby supporters holiday, to a destination I wanted to see. I havnt a clue about rugby, I just wanted to go to south africa, with the safety of a group. I now have rugby buddies, which is handy.

That is pretty cool actually. Sounds like great fun!

Making their beds ffs 🤣
Your children are lazy.
Stop enabling them
Leave the ungrateful sods at home

You knew they had form for this OP so you were wasting your money taking them….let that be the last time…..go away with a friend next time

I found reverse psychology worked even though that was not the aim.

For example. Off to the local market in the morning and the bus is at 9:30. It will be hot and I'm not sure you will enjoy it so up to you if you want to come.

Of course to my surprise they were all up and ready! Maybe some FOMO involved.

Also to add it didn't actually stop the moaning but they did come on the trips!

That's not fair. Mothers can't control all the variables - shit fathers, traumas, friendship issues, bullying, school problems, neurodiversity... All kinds of things can go on in a childhood or during teen years that have nothing to do with the mothering.

Thanks all.

I definitely think I will be leaving them next time. The eldest definitely shouldn't be coming now.

I'm too soft!

I might add, I do go to London every 3 months for a 4 day trip - alone. It's bliss and I really enjoy it!!

Forgot to say - we didn't have a pool. We were in an Airbnb but close to the beach. My daughter isn't a strong swimmer. I had to rescue her on a swim/boat trip we did around some gorgeous islands. I wouldn't let her near the sea without me for this reason.

Going on holiday with teens can be thankless. It sounds like you had different expectations from the holiday than them eg spending time, sightseeing etc whereas they probably preferred to lie in their beds and go on their phones maybe? Also, it is common for teenagers to have no concept of how hard you have worked to afford the holiday or are grateful either. No wonder you are frustrated!

You don't have to take them with you on holiday next time, and if you do, it might be worth sitting down and having a chat about what you all expect from the holidays. Most teens would prefer long lie-ins and lounging about doing nothing and catching up on the phone with their own friends. I do think that teenagers also don't like to spend all their holiday time with their parents, and crave their own alone time.

They will realise what they miss out on later on - but I do think this also comes with maturity and especially when they start having to fund their own holidays.

We stopped at 16. They didn't enjoy it and neither did we. Don't do it anymore. Put yourself first.

Leave and go off alone

They will eventually grow up

Dont ever go self catering with them again

You should do what you want to do for holidays.

Also don't get down about this- this is totally normal teen attitude. I used to argue with parents on holiday when I was that age I didn't enjoy it I just wanted to be with friends.

It seems that I am lucky in that my older DC still want to come away with us. However, we let everyone do their own thing. Sleep if you want, come out with us if you want. So we easily avoid sulking teenagers doing something they don’t want to do

in your shoes I would have fucked off during the day and done my own thing.