Holidays are just awful for me

[HerNameIsIRIS]

Hi,

Here to rant and not sure whether to just pull the plug on taking my two teens on holiday with me. I was on here last year complaining about the same issues and here I am again.

Just about to fly back to the UK, from Croatia, and I am feeling so down about this holiday. I had wanted to go to Plitvice Lakes and Split but got to neither as neither my 16 year old or 19 year old could het out of bed. We ended up staying in the resort. The youngest one constantly has a face that trips her and never appreciates anything. The elder one starts to have a go at me if I complain. I am on my own with them as going through a long divorce (long, loveless marriage).

I'm feeling like I am not getting anything out of working hard. I'm lonely. I don't have any family, apart from them. I have left a long, sexless and loveless marriage.

Both of them sat back and watched me do the pots in the evening (we did eat out sometimes) and make the beds etc. They walked and walked around the resort in the heat and I was tired trying to keep up with them.

It's just 💩. Really is.

Eldest has a girlfriend and I've told him to go with her, in future.

I work hard in my profession to take these kids away and give them a better lifestyle than I had (my mother never took me abroad and I was only taken to Scarborough once a year). I took them to Greece last year and Canada they year before and they were the same.

I just want to leave them and go off on my own. I'm not being unreasonable am I? I honestly feel like I'm serving a prison sentence sometimes and this is not how I planned my life to be.

I'm back at work Monday feeling down and in the blues.

Eldest still in bed as I type and we have to be out in an hour.

What a shame you didn't post earlier on in your holiday! I think it's unanimous that you should have just left them to it, and gone out on your own to enjoy & make the most of your time away.
Once home, start planning the next holiday you want to do, without your kids.

I think you're suffering from " expected gratitude syndrome"
You worked hard , booked and paid for lovely holiday and expected your teens to recognise this and be not just appreciative but to act in a certain way. You think they should see the pots need washing and feel such overwhelming gratitude to you that they leap up and do them "because you've given us this amazing holiday mum "
Ditto the things you wanted to do, you probably want them to instinctively agree as they should want you to have what you want ...as you've provided this holiday, they should love you and appreciate you and thus make it all about you.
SADLY most teens are just not that self aware.
YOU need to speak up loud and clear..."I paid for this holiday so you two do the dishes"
Stop expecting them to some how suddenly develop self awareness.
Stop being a martyr.
And fgs just say "tomorrow I'm going to lakes/spit , I'm getting the bus at 10 if you want to come, but no worries if you don't , I'll see you by the pool later "....then go ..

To be fair OP you had all this advice on your Canada thread! Just leave them behind and go and enjoy doing your own thing without them bringing you down. It’s clearly just not working.

They'd probably have enjoyed Scarborough more. There's no difference to them sneering at your holiday and you doing the same over your trips to the coast. They don't want to be there.
You could have left them at the resort. Theyr not babies.

@YaWeeFurryBastard

you must have seen your friends having a lot worse surely! Either way, I wouldn’t have dreamed of sulking away in my room all day cos the holiday wasn’t to my liking - my parents would have been furious! They needed the break and it was all they could afford.

@HerNameIsIRIS
Your holiday sounds horrible and I'd feel exactly how you do!

Another poster mentioned a "grand finale" holiday which is kind of what we're doing with our 16 and 18yo this year. It's a long haul, expensive holiday and will (I hope!) be amazing.

They have both already talked about travelling with their friends in the near future.

So far, they haven't behaved like brats on holiday but regularly do at home!

What do you mean “a lot worse”? Tbh I’d have preferred a caravan holiday on a park with lots of facilities and other kids my age. The one time we went on one I had a great time. Teenagers don’t necessarily equate £££ to having a nice time, it just doesn’t work like that.

Ah! If this has happened before then pandering to them on holiday is on you. Make it your last and plan stuff for you

Left ours home for first time in 20 years. Having said that they became almost human on our last two trips. They are now 18 and 20.

It sounds like it's awful for them too. So since no one is enjoying it, it's probably better to do separate holidays.

You're at the age where you're wanting to get up early, as people typically do as they get older. They are at the age where they want to stay up late and get up late.

If you want them to help with the washing up you need to ask them to do that. Don't bother making any beds, it's a holiday.

It sounds like you would all have had more fun going out to a local bar in the evening once the weather had cooled down. A nice walk on the way there and back, not early for them, not hot for you.

But the most important thing is that you seem quite clingy. Your children aren't responsible for your happiness, and they're also going to be leaving home soon. You need to find all kinds of happiness outside of them, and not see them as people who are there to make you happy and do exactly what you want. They're independent beings.

@YaWeeFurryBastard

YOU might have preferred a caravan, but evidently your parents didn’t!

Erm I know? I’m not really sure what your point is? I’m just explaining that just because a holiday is more expensive, doesn’t mean a teenager will enjoy it more. Teenagers don’t work like that.

@YaWeeFurryBastard

no I get that! I think it was more what you were saying about being moody and resenting your parents as a teen because they didnt go on the holiday of your choosing

I didn’t resent the fact they didn’t go on the holiday of my choosing, I resented the fact I had no input whatsoever and then was expected to be falling over myself grateful to be taken somewhere I really didn’t like.

Fine if they want to go on that kind of holiday but just let me read in my room in peace, not constant “you don’t know how lucky you are” “we’ve spent so much on this holiday” “you’re so ungrateful” etc etc.

I used to take my mum on holiday. She’d sit there barely speaking with a face like a skelpt arse for a week and then when home be telling everyone how lovely it was. Haven’t bothered for about 5 years now. Much better all round.

Did you not ask her why she was like that? What did she say when you stopped taking her?

At least they won’t be coming away with you for much longer

@Motheranddaughter

i dunno! You hear of sons and daughters going on holiday with their parents well into their twenties and thirties if their parents are willing to pay for it all!

I feel your pain. have you considered sending both to a summer camp? These are very fun, with loads activities for teens and they learn new skills. They also have no choice. It might actually be cheaper than going on holiday with them. Just go on holiday without them! And both will have great time.

Give it a break for a few years they will be more civilised in their 20s.

OP, you spent years in a 'long loveless marriage' and now you're bending over backwards to placate your children who don't appreciate you!
Stop, start putting yourself first, you deserve it, start doing what you want and what makes you happy!

A 19-year old on a summer camp!??

Exactly my thoughts. I would have died. Would have loved to go Croatia though!

@sunnysquare

My 24 and 19 year old love a caravan holiday. They'd rather do lots of cheap holidays than one expensive one.

Also friends their age often go on caravan holidays because it's affordable.

I gave mine a huge rocket up their arses after a recent weekend away in this country. We had been far too namby pamby and I just lost my shit! Kind of got through tho.
I think they both needed it!
They need to know holidays cost lots and it's your holiday too!
Stop being brats or stay at home. You go and enjoy urself OP!