Holidays are just awful for me

[HerNameIsIRIS]

Hi,

Here to rant and not sure whether to just pull the plug on taking my two teens on holiday with me. I was on here last year complaining about the same issues and here I am again.

Just about to fly back to the UK, from Croatia, and I am feeling so down about this holiday. I had wanted to go to Plitvice Lakes and Split but got to neither as neither my 16 year old or 19 year old could het out of bed. We ended up staying in the resort. The youngest one constantly has a face that trips her and never appreciates anything. The elder one starts to have a go at me if I complain. I am on my own with them as going through a long divorce (long, loveless marriage).

I'm feeling like I am not getting anything out of working hard. I'm lonely. I don't have any family, apart from them. I have left a long, sexless and loveless marriage.

Both of them sat back and watched me do the pots in the evening (we did eat out sometimes) and make the beds etc. They walked and walked around the resort in the heat and I was tired trying to keep up with them.

It's just 💩. Really is.

Eldest has a girlfriend and I've told him to go with her, in future.

I work hard in my profession to take these kids away and give them a better lifestyle than I had (my mother never took me abroad and I was only taken to Scarborough once a year). I took them to Greece last year and Canada they year before and they were the same.

I just want to leave them and go off on my own. I'm not being unreasonable am I? I honestly feel like I'm serving a prison sentence sometimes and this is not how I planned my life to be.

I'm back at work Monday feeling down and in the blues.

Eldest still in bed as I type and we have to be out in an hour.

Why on earth would you not just leave them by the pool and go and do your excursions? Do you enjoy martyrdom?

Go with friends next time, there's Facebook groups for single woman who want to travel, you can buddy up and meet new people, don't waste your money taking them away just for them to ruin it for you, as much as they are your children, they aren't children anymore and when you go without them they will soon realise how much you do, it's sad the way it's turned out. But usually it's just a phase and they will come around in their 20's

When they were walking around and around the resort in the heat, were they possibly looking for others of their own age to make temporary friends with ? Did you need to be with them then ? I don’t know the specifics of where you were staying but they aren’t preteens, they surely didn’t need you to supervise them.

That sounds a bit harsh, I’m really sorry that you haven’t had a good holiday, it’s a tricky one with teenagers and expectations.

This. They have each other and are old enough. That is what we did when abroad with ours. They have their own rooms and it’s good for their independency. You do some things together and some on your own and it’s a nice holiday for everyone.

I think if there are two parents though it’s kind of easier to come to this conclusion, the other parent confirmed that this was ok to do (leave them on their own). But you are on your own and it’s your decision, and if something would happen you’d think it was all on you. I think this is how I would think anyway. But it’s ok. Go on a day trip or two on your own and have a couple of good days. And they will have a couple of good days and maybe even bond more without you there.

First time we left our 14- and 16 year old in Florida they still talk about it being the best day of their life! 😂 To me it was an anxious and horrible day though.

I don’t understand why they couldn’t have been left in the resort and you went off did your thing and met them later? Teenagers and their parents often have different interests and they’re old enough to be left at the resort.

also don’t understand why you let them watch you do the pots and didn’t speak up. Tell them they are to do the pots too?

I think you’d be better going with a friend next year and leaving the kids at home. They’re pretty old to be going on family holidays anyway so this could be the last one. Things might change when they’re older and you might all go again one day Sheen your interests are more aligned

And why on earth make their and your beds on holiday? Just leave them.

I took my teen away last year and luckily it was only for four nights as he didn't want to leave the room and declared he had only come for the food.
So I left him in the room and took a little train( that goes on the road) to the next resort, taking my towel so I could have a swim. I walked back through a nature resort and made the most of Majorca. I went between feeling like crying to thinking no,I'm going to enjoy myself on my own.
I haven't booked anything this summer and son is happy!

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When my youngest was 14 I said I was never again taking her on holiday again and I haven’t. She hates going on holiday, hates the heat, hates being away from her friends. She has always been like this and it was always a nightmare with her when on holiday. She is 17 now and I still wouldn’t take her away on holiday. We even took her to a caravan, she still complained, hated every minute of it.

Never again, it’s a waste of money.

In hindsight, l wouldn't have done holidays. Mine were much more suited to day's out and maybe just an overnight stay..... but l felt very pressured by "societal beliefs" that all children deserve a week away somewhere

Leave them op and do your own thing!

But what 14-year old would honestly appreciate a caravan?

None! But at least no one can say I didn’t try to do something else with her!
thought if she was at least in the U.K. with reliable wifi she would be better, she wasn’t.

You did try!

I think we forget sometimes what is like to be a teenager..the hormones, being so tired, moody, wondering who the hell your irritating parents are, feeling a bit lost etc. 😅

I’d be furious OP. They sound spoilt rotten. I went on many holidays with my mum and gran as a teenager and we had a brilliant time. I wouldn’t have dreamed of spoiling it and there was always compromise.
Don’t take them. Go with a friend and don’t waste your hard earned money and AL any more.

It's fair enough to be disappointed. My happiest times are when me and my children are together having fun and that's what I look forward to for holidays. If they lay in bed and didn't make an effort I would be pretty cross and tell them so, because I really like spending time with them.

If your kids don't want to do things with you on holiday, even knowing that it is what you look forward to, then I agree it is time to start making plans to do things just for you and maybe leaving at least the oldest at home.

Please also stop making their beds, and make sure they do their share of the chores. That goes for at home too. It is really quite childish to go on holiday and expect mum to wait on them while not making themselves pleasant, so they need to grow up a bit.

Unless I'm indulging my teen DD's interests on holiday, she sulks. It can be exhausting. I think this year might be the last one together.

There are tour companies that cater for single people in small groups which might suit you better. You make new acquaintances and see the things you want to see without having to drag around young adults that really don't want to be there.

Why not go off on your own then? They're old enough to stay in the resort on their own. And I don't know why you need to walk around with them either. I understand you haven't had a nice time and it's your holiday & hard earned money paying for it but probably they haven't had a very nice time either with their mum following them around all the time and obviously not having fun and being resentful. Teenagers are selfish and self absorbed and won't usually offer to do things like wash up unless asked, do they do that sort of stuff at home? Just divide up chores and if they don't do them no spending money.
Probably by spending less time together you would have had a better time when you were all together.
Fair enough not to take the 19 year old with you again unless they contribute to the cost, if you take the youngest you must establish ground rules before going.

Well you raised them so ask yourself where it all went wrong

edit: this response was supposed to be to the OP

I’m confused - why couldn’t you leave a 16 year old and a 19 year old (adult) to chill around the resort whilst you did your own thing? Why did you walk for miles around the resort with them? Why did you bring them if they are clearly at the age they’d rather be at home or away with friends? I think you could have had a better time if you did those things and took and friend instead!

Why didn’t you leave them in the resort and go by yourself? The 19 year old is an adult, and 16 year old is old enough to make their own decisions.

I think it’s unanimous OP - YANBU!

it’s time to make holidays all about YOU now! 🍸

Well you raised them so ask yourself where it all went wrong

This is unnecessarily harsh imo. By the time kids are this age, they've had a lot more influences on them than just their parents. Many can be a pain in the arse in the teenage years even if their parents have done all (or most) of the right things. Mine are 16 and nearly 19 and are easy, but a lot of that is luck. I've taught teens for 30 years, so I've seen the other side!

I know 'revenge' isn't the right word here, OP, but I still think the saying 'The best revenge is a life well-lived' is relevant. Next time either don't take them, or do the excursions on your own and come back looking happy after an enjoyable time without their grumpy faces. Maybe they won't care. Maybe they'll think 'Huh. She probably had a better time than we did skulking around here.' Either way, live your life!

Oh op, I'm on holiday at the moment with two teen dds. It's been an up and down few days so far! I'm with dh so at least I have camaraderie but I do sympathise. I think it's partly me still wanting the holidays of old that were such good fun but also they don't want to miss out and stay behind. I think a change is needed next year. Sending strength 💪

I have to say though if I had followed my 19-year old around a resort just because (and it was obvious I’d rather do something else), he would have seriously questioned what I was doing. Same when he was 16. It must be suffocating for them if it is what it sounds like.

And to have to make their beds when it really is themselves sleeping in them so what does it matter.