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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Ds has weed now. Do I confront him?

77 replies

louisbalfournice · 03/05/2024 23:13

He's smuggled weed in a tin into his room. I've been told by someone.I asked him when he arrived home and he just lied to my face (he does that a lot).
Do I go up in the morning and turn his room over ? He will be angry !
I know he definitely has it because I've seen a photo of it on his bed. He has no bank card and no access to any cash. My bag is with me at all times too He only has Google wallet on his phone and I can see all the transactions on there. I can't understand how he's got it with no money? If I find it and he is aggressive and demands it giving back, that will put me in a difficult situation. He has ADHD and no sense whatsoever. But that irrelevant as the police would just treat him like any other offender

OP posts:
whiteboardking · 03/05/2024 23:16

How old.
He might have been given it to try and then they'll suck him in.
Or he's making money somehow

Singleandproud · 03/05/2024 23:17

If he has no access to money then there's potential he could have stolen it the weed or the money, or it could've a county lines thing where they give him weed in return he runs a bag of something strong to X place etc.

Personally I wouldn't tolerate drugs in my house and would be turning his room over. But you'll have posters on saying weed isn't so bad/ it's legal in lots of places/ its good for ADHD etc.

Hugosmaid · 03/05/2024 23:17

He might have been given it to sell.

How old is he?

Singleandproud · 03/05/2024 23:20

If he is school age flag it with his pastoral lead, the police schools liaison officer can have a chat with him in an informal way and as he has ADHD and vulnerable could be put on to some outreach courses that are run. County Lines and drug use amongst the young is a hot topic right now.

Ladyj84 · 03/05/2024 23:22

Weed in the house our older kids rooms would be ransacked if I thought they had it

Original poster
louisbalfournice · 03/05/2024 23:27

No county lines because he stays local. He sees his cousin most days and we can see where he is on Life 360.
He will be 18 in a couple of months. I saved up and booked him some lovely surprises. A helicopter ride and a weekend away. I'm wanting him to have a decent 18 birthday. We adopted him as a baby and it makes his birthday really special for him.
I know I have to turn his room over. To make it absolutely clear what a disrespectful thing he's done to his home. If he storms off, then so be it ! He knows it's illegal and wrong

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 03/05/2024 23:56

We found our teenage sons. We were distraught. He was out. While waiting for him to come home to confront him. We had a bottle of wine and decided to smoke it. When he came in we were in fits of giggles, he was both shocked and livid with us. Cried and exclaimed he didn't want us to end up addicts. We found it hilarious. Probably not the top parenting tip.

He's an adult now. Still smokes weed occasionally. He's a well rounded man with an amazing career despite his parents

All im.saying is keep some perspective, most kids try it. He isnt mugging old ladies Keep communication open.

Maddy70 · 04/05/2024 00:05

I expect hes selling things, going without lunch etc. Birthday money etc
Drugs are very cheap

Pussygaloregalapagos · 04/05/2024 00:08

Maddy70 · 03/05/2024 23:56

We found our teenage sons. We were distraught. He was out. While waiting for him to come home to confront him. We had a bottle of wine and decided to smoke it. When he came in we were in fits of giggles, he was both shocked and livid with us. Cried and exclaimed he didn't want us to end up addicts. We found it hilarious. Probably not the top parenting tip.

He's an adult now. Still smokes weed occasionally. He's a well rounded man with an amazing career despite his parents

All im.saying is keep some perspective, most kids try it. He isnt mugging old ladies Keep communication open.

Similar.... found some in daughters room. Just took it and smoked it ourselves. Never mentioned it to her and she never mentioned it to us......

Maddy70 · 04/05/2024 00:20

Don't contact the school. Hes nearly 18. If he's bought it from someone at school he could be expelled and they will inform police. He doesn't need that.

You dont even know he has any! Or if its his! Or anything really until you speak to him

Do it calmly. Hes probably smoked it my now
Youll smell it on him that's the time to address it

Ikeatears · 04/05/2024 00:29

Really tempted to check my sons' rooms...not had a joint for years...

Sorry to be flippant because there's obviously a back story here but after a day of stress from two of my three ds's, I'm not sure I can give advice, just sympathy.

Crispsandwichrock · 04/05/2024 00:29

It's not a great idea to smoke weed when you have adhd.

mossylog · 04/05/2024 00:35

When I was 17, if I wasn't allowed real money, all my transactions were tracked, my every movement was tracked by GPS then OF COURSE I'd be lying and keeping secrets from my parents. Trust works both ways. Imagine if a partner controlled your life like that?

AspiringChatBot · 04/05/2024 00:45

mossylog · 04/05/2024 00:35

When I was 17, if I wasn't allowed real money, all my transactions were tracked, my every movement was tracked by GPS then OF COURSE I'd be lying and keeping secrets from my parents. Trust works both ways. Imagine if a partner controlled your life like that?

Come on now. You MUST know that there is a difference between a parent tracking what their minor child who lives with them and as no job or other source of income does versus someone tracking what their partner does.

mossylog · 04/05/2024 00:49

AspiringChatBot · 04/05/2024 00:45

Come on now. You MUST know that there is a difference between a parent tracking what their minor child who lives with them and as no job or other source of income does versus someone tracking what their partner does.

Show quote history

Yes it's a different relationship, sure but do you not remember being 17 at all? This kid is on the cusp of being an adult and is treated like he's on parole. It's not healthy for a relationship with someone that age to spy on every part of their life.

TheGoddessFreyja · 04/05/2024 00:52

Ikeatears · 04/05/2024 00:29

Really tempted to check my sons' rooms...not had a joint for years...

Sorry to be flippant because there's obviously a back story here but after a day of stress from two of my three ds's, I'm not sure I can give advice, just sympathy.

@Ikeatears we smoked my partners sons weed when we found it when he was still in school and had hid it in a shoebox 🤣 (his room stank of it so knew it was in there)

Obviously we were absolutely mortified and gave him a talking to but hes old enough now to do as he likes but your comment made me giggle 🤣

Mmhmmn · 04/05/2024 00:58

He might be using it to self medicate if the ADHD is very negatively affecting him. You could do with helping him to understand that weed can have very bad effects on the developing adolescent brain and increases risk of mental illnesses. Get him proper Information though, he’ll probably just ignore a parental lecture.

https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/about-mental-illness/learn-more-about-conditions/cannabis-and-mental-health/

Gingerkittykat · 04/05/2024 02:29

Why are you so controlling with him? Why do you track his every move and not allow him access to money? Is there a back story there or are you just borderline abusive? When do you plan to give him some freedom?

The police won't care about somebody carrying a small piece of cannabis for personal use.

Peanutsalty · 04/05/2024 04:10

Luckily my DS as far as I know doesn't smoke weed

DDs boyfriend does as do most of her friends and have done since they were at least 14 mainly the boys tbh

Peanutsalty · 04/05/2024 04:11

It's such a normal teen thing to do at that age but of course when it's your DC it's a different matter

Peanutsalty · 04/05/2024 04:13

Has he got access to his child trust fund

My DS got a letter directly from them and has access to that money now which is out of my hands now he's 18

Peanutsalty · 04/05/2024 04:15

I personally think you're being overly dramatic about something practically every teen dies and has done for decades

Smoking weed is such a non issue and rarely gets out of hand

Mushroomwithaview · 04/05/2024 04:15

Ransacking his bedroom is a really aggressive first action on your part, and your only outcome in doing it will be escalation and alienation.

If my teenagers had weed, I would ask them about it and listen to what they said.

homezookeeper · 04/05/2024 05:28

Maddy70 · 03/05/2024 23:56

We found our teenage sons. We were distraught. He was out. While waiting for him to come home to confront him. We had a bottle of wine and decided to smoke it. When he came in we were in fits of giggles, he was both shocked and livid with us. Cried and exclaimed he didn't want us to end up addicts. We found it hilarious. Probably not the top parenting tip.

He's an adult now. Still smokes weed occasionally. He's a well rounded man with an amazing career despite his parents

All im.saying is keep some perspective, most kids try it. He isnt mugging old ladies Keep communication open.

You weren't distraught at all, you took it.
Yeah cause you clearly set the example there...
So the kid would either be pissed off or embarrassed.
You honestly think as parents that's the way to teach a lesson?
Well done. What will you do next? Teach him how to roll? 🙄

sheoaouhra · 04/05/2024 05:34

Peanutsalty · 04/05/2024 04:11

It's such a normal teen thing to do at that age but of course when it's your DC it's a different matter

It is NOT normal, and it is NOT acceptable and is the biggest single cause of educational underachievement I come across as a teacher, it causes permanent brain damage, and is an industry based on child slavery. Thousands of trafficked children are enslaved in the UK working in cannabis farms