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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

My eldest daughter is going to Camp America and it's making me ill

105 replies

NattyHen · 25/04/2024 12:16

My eldest daughter has just turned 18 and is going to Camp America at the beginning of June. Last year when we started to look into it I was so excited for her and the opportunity seemed amazing, but now it's only weeks away I have turned into a mess. I suffer with anxiety anyway and it has raised its head ten fold. I'm crying myself to sleep at night, I even started sobbing in the car on my way to work, I'm so overwhelmed by emotion that I'm finding it hard to function. My daughter doesn't know how I feel because I don't want to deter her, but I've even wished that she'd break her arm or leg or something so that she can't go. My husband is very laid back and he doesn't seem worried at all. He doesn't know how I'm feeling although he has noticed that my mood is different. My daughter has never flown before, although she has a trip to Barcelona booked for a few days next month, I hate flying so I think that is part of my anxiety. Apparently she will be flying out with other camp members and she has been speaking to them on a WhatsApp group so that's reassuring, but I am so scared that we'll get to the airport and she'll be flying alone. I don't think I could cope with that. Even now, writing this I'm crying again...

OP posts:
CornishPorsche · 25/04/2024 12:20

So the actual issue is the anxiety, not your daughter. She's going to keep doing new things in life and it's wonderful for her.

You really really need help with this level of anxiety. If you have help, it's not working.

Can you see your GP? Get medication? Up your medication? Talking therapy, coping methods - you absolutely cannot go on like this, it's untenable.

Don't get sad, get active. Face this head on, make a few calls - doctors, therapists etc. You don't want your (or anyone else's) memories of these exciting times to be marred with this.

RemarkablyBrightCreature · 25/04/2024 12:22

Second what PP said - and please don’t let your daughter see any of this anxiety. She’s doing an amazing thing and you need to cheer her on. Fake it till you make it 😊

Original poster
NattyHen · 25/04/2024 12:33

I've had anxiety on and off all of my life, I was on meds but it made me so much worse so I stopped taking them about 5 months ago. I have had CBT in the past, it didn't help. My anxiety is sometimes really manageable but it does pop up in times of stress. I've been trying meditation and I've started walking every day so hopefully it will help. Just to clarify, my daughter has no idea I feel like this, I keep telling her how excited I am for her and how jealous I am. I think I'll feel better once I know she has arrived safely.

OP posts:
exexpat · 25/04/2024 12:34

I agree with the last two posters. I am sure on some level you realise your anxiety is irrational, and you would not want your daughter's life to be limited by your anxiety. Please get help for the anxiety and do not let it interfere with your daughter's plans and freedom.

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 25/04/2024 12:34

I’d recommend going to see your GP and getting something to ease the anxiety for the coming months/weeks. This won’t go away by itself but it needs to be dealt with or it will get worse when she is away.
Worry is normal but this level of anxiety isn’t and you are helping neither her nor yourself. She will eventually be away always and you need to create a life without her and one where you can celebrate her successes and cool life experiences with her.

TheaBrandt · 25/04/2024 12:36

Be grateful I would love it if mine were going on an organised thing she’s bobbing off to South America with a female friend.

CornishPorsche · 25/04/2024 12:40

Did you take yourself off the meds or did the GP recommend it?

You need to speak to them. One medication is only one medication. There are several options.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/generalised-anxiety-disorder/treatment/

ItDoesntHaveToBeDave · 25/04/2024 12:40

At 16 @TheaBrandt ? Now THAT I would be worried sick about 😞

Maddy70 · 25/04/2024 12:43

Your daughter will have the best time. Try not to let her see you anxious

You need some help with your anxiety

My daughter went to do charity work in Africa at 17. I know how you are feeling.

It really is the best thing for her to do. She will love iit

DreadPirateRobots · 25/04/2024 12:45

You need to see a doctor. Book it now. Today.

RemarkablyBrightCreature · 25/04/2024 12:46

ItDoesntHaveToBeDave · 25/04/2024 12:40

At 16 @TheaBrandt ? Now THAT I would be worried sick about 😞

The OP’s DD is 18, so I’m guessing so is this poster’s?

Octavia64 · 25/04/2024 12:48

There are a lot of possible medications for anxiety.

If you can go back to the GP you could try a different one.

It can take a while to find the one that is right for you.

AperolWhore · 25/04/2024 12:49

My cousin went to camp America, met a man, he got married, has 3 children and lives in Toronto night.

Shes never been happier, sorry that doesn’t help!

Bear2014 · 25/04/2024 12:52

Hi OP, I did Camp America 20-odd years ago. It was a great experience, so much fun and very character building. It's a pretty safe environment to branch out and dip your toe into the worlds of work, travel, teaching, mentoring etc. There is a lot of support for the young people taking part and I am still in touch with a couple of the friends I made on my summer.

She will be homesick and you will miss her and some anxiety is totally normal. Just try to support her and let her spread her wings.

goldenretrievermum5 · 25/04/2024 12:53

I’m sorry OP but seriously? Wishing your daughter would break an arm or leg so that she can’t go on her trip? What a horrible thing to say

Thank your lucky stars that she is happy, healthy and heading away to live life to the full. Lots of mums (me included at the minute) can only dream of that for their DD.

You need to get urgent help for your anxiety, this is not a normal or acceptable reaction in the slightest and it will start to rub off on your poor DD

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 25/04/2024 12:54

Dd did Camp America the year before last. She had such a brilliant time. She teamed up with 3 other girls from the camp and went travelling round America for 4 weeks after the camp finished. Every evening she'd send me some photos showing what she'd seen that day.

This year she is interrailling around Europe on her own and then going to do Camp Canada. CBD gummies are seeing me through this!

TheCatterall · 25/04/2024 12:54

@NattyHen just because one bought of cbt didn’t help doesn’t mean you get to stop trying. You need to keep trying new techniques, new therapists, new tablets etc.

You are living half a life by accepting this is your lot. Please fight to get better for your sake and your families.

Mysticfalls · 25/04/2024 12:55

This is a great way for her to have a little bit of adventure in a very safe way. She’ll have an instant group of friends/colleagues who odds on will be kind, caring and fun - remember they’ve all been chosen and vetted to be camp counselors after all. And there’s an overarching organization with a reputation to uphold who she can expect to deal with any serious issues that arise. Probably they’ll be the odd hiccup which will be easily handled by your daughter. She’s likely to have a great time and learn loads and gain a lot of confidence.
Flying will be fine. Taking off and landing can be a bit scary at first but in between absolutely nothing happens. Boring but calm.

bruffin · 25/04/2024 12:59

My Dd went and loved it, went back the next year and would yave gone 3rd time if it werent for covid. Biggest danger was the occassional bear cub wandering through the Camp
Met loads of other CAs on the way out

Original poster
NattyHen · 25/04/2024 13:03

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 25/04/2024 12:34

I’d recommend going to see your GP and getting something to ease the anxiety for the coming months/weeks. This won’t go away by itself but it needs to be dealt with or it will get worse when she is away.
Worry is normal but this level of anxiety isn’t and you are helping neither her nor yourself. She will eventually be away always and you need to create a life without her and one where you can celebrate her successes and cool life experiences with her.

That's the thing I actually encourage them to always do new things and she's been away before, not for as long but I want them to go off and live their lives I really do. Camp America was my idea. I know I'll be fine once I hear from her and she's settled. My mum is quite a negative person and she has made me feel like I'm sending her off to war so I suppose that hasn't helped.

OP posts:
LightSpeeds · 25/04/2024 13:03

There's nothing in what you've said about this trip that seems to be a cause for concern.

I've flown to both America and Australia alone and, although I was nervous beforehand, it was really liberating.

Your reaction is extreme and your anxiety is at the root of it. Like PPs have said, you really need some help. x

CosmosQueen · 25/04/2024 13:03

goldenretrievermum5 · 25/04/2024 12:53

I’m sorry OP but seriously? Wishing your daughter would break an arm or leg so that she can’t go on her trip? What a horrible thing to say

Thank your lucky stars that she is happy, healthy and heading away to live life to the full. Lots of mums (me included at the minute) can only dream of that for their DD.

You need to get urgent help for your anxiety, this is not a normal or acceptable reaction in the slightest and it will start to rub off on your poor DD

Edited

^^ This. I can’t ever imagining harm to someone, that’s totally unacceptable imo.
At 18 my dd headed off for Uzbekistan, yes I was worried but I was also very proud of her.

Original poster
NattyHen · 25/04/2024 13:04

TheaBrandt · 25/04/2024 12:36

Be grateful I would love it if mine were going on an organised thing she’s bobbing off to South America with a female friend.

Oh wow yes and when I think of that I am actually relieved that it is through an organisation. Although there is the option for her to travel afterwards. I hope she has an amazing time!

OP posts:
kiwiane · 25/04/2024 13:05

You have a child to support them to grow and become independent. You have to keep your anxiety to yourself and let her go - try to get help.

babyproblems · 25/04/2024 13:06

You don’t actually say what you are anxious about- which part of it is the part that bothers you? Her safety? Loneliness?
its good you recognise the issue is your anxiety and not really the situation.
If she doesn’t take opportunities in life and struggled with her confidence or making friends as an adult, would that be preferable to you? I think it would help you to consider that you are worrying about what she is doing but the reality is that if she doesn’t do these things (eg take opportunites) then you will have many many other worries which would be worse!! I would also consider getting some counselling for your anxiety or similar to help improve your mental health and quality of life. Best of luck x