My eldest daughter is going to Camp America and it's making me ill

[NattyHen]

My eldest daughter has just turned 18 and is going to Camp America at the beginning of June. Last year when we started to look into it I was so excited for her and the opportunity seemed amazing, but now it's only weeks away I have turned into a mess. I suffer with anxiety anyway and it has raised its head ten fold. I'm crying myself to sleep at night, I even started sobbing in the car on my way to work, I'm so overwhelmed by emotion that I'm finding it hard to function. My daughter doesn't know how I feel because I don't want to deter her, but I've even wished that she'd break her arm or leg or something so that she can't go. My husband is very laid back and he doesn't seem worried at all. He doesn't know how I'm feeling although he has noticed that my mood is different. My daughter has never flown before, although she has a trip to Barcelona booked for a few days next month, I hate flying so I think that is part of my anxiety. Apparently she will be flying out with other camp members and she has been speaking to them on a WhatsApp group so that's reassuring, but I am so scared that we'll get to the airport and she'll be flying alone. I don't think I could cope with that. Even now, writing this I'm crying again...

@NattyHen At 16 I was made to travel to Spanish Border - I didn’t want to go- Parents dropped me off at Victoria- I got on boat train and did the changes at Paris Austerlitz I think the station was
i got on wrong train going straight to Spain,
had to leap off and run like the clappers for correct train.

My reserved seat was taken by a load of men on National Service - so I tried to sleep in the corridor- not recommend
But it was great fun !

You meet more people as a lone traveller

Mine was to stay with an exchange student.

I did Camp America 8 years ago. It was so fantastic!!

The whole lead-up is very well organised and CA ensure you are equipped with the right knowledge before going (e.g. timings/locations/flights/visa).

I flew solo, which was quite nice as I got a whole row to myself, and was picked up by my camp at the airport.

Your DD's experience will vary depending on what camp she goes to but they are very well organised, provide lots of training, brilliant opportunities and experiences, character building, resilience, and friends for life!
I took an extra 3 weeks on top and travelled around the East Coast afterwards, that was so much fun!

I actually met my husband there - we've been together ever since and married 2 years ago 😃

If it helps at all, I did camp America when I was 19 and it was fine. I’d also never flown by my before. I had to travel alone as no other camp members were travelling from my area. It was a bit stressful but it was fine in the end, I figured it out. Remember airports are full of members of staff that your daughter can ask for help if she needs. And when she gets to the camp everyone will be in the same boat as her and they’ll all be supporting each other. Please try not to worry, she’ll be absolutely fine.

I still recall lying in bed aged 21 listening to my mum sobbing in the next room as I was heading off to work in Canada as a Nanny for a year. It was truly awful.

Please get some help and wave your daughter off on an adventure she’ll love, don’t ruin it (albeit unintentionally) for her.

You actually wish that your daughter would break a bone, get unwell or suffer an injury requiring hospital treatment? What on Earth have I just read?

I also did Camp America when I was 18 and I can understand how my parents felt then!

It's a very safe environment and your daughter will meet lots of new people. Please don't worry too much. It's a great opportunity and they take good care of everyone.

One of my Dds did it a few years back and had an amazing time. She also made friends and travelled around staying with their families when it was all finished. They asked her to come back and do more camps in the following years but she didn't in the end.
I too was worried but only told her how proud I was she was doing it. She'll be fine 🙂 x

It was sertraline that I was on, I really struggled with it, couldn't wake up in the mornings, was like a tired zombie all of the time and that was on the lowest dose.

How long were you on it? It took me a good few months for it to stop me getting sleepy. My daughter has the same problem with her meds (sleepy) but it stops her from having debilitating, painful panic attacks.

I would say that you sound as if you need something like a SSRI. It can reframe your whole life experience. Things that used to make me panic, barely register now.

She thinks my daughter shouldn't go and we actually fell out about it a few weeks ago. It's since then that I have so anxious because I think in the back of my mind she's planted a seed as she always done in my life. You'll be surprised from my post that I am always encouraging my kids to do things, she's been to festivals, camping trips and all kinds of things. This just seems like such a big leap so yes I am scared. Everyone here has given such good advice I honestly feel like I can take a deep breath for the first time in weeks and crack on with it.

You're a tiger OP. You've broken conditioning, stood up for your DD, against your own mum who conditioned you to be small. You've helped your DDs to be big and live big lives. You're a hero. That's worth celebrating.

And yes, you feel anxious and scared. But you protected your DD from feeling the same. Tiger.

To be honest OP, I know.you suffer from anxiety, so yours will be a bit more extreme, but any mother would feel anxious at the thought of their 18yo child flying to America without them.so don't be too hard on yourself!

I promise you though, she will be absolutely fine, both of my siblings have done camp America, and it is super organised and well run, and they had the absolute time if their lives ❤️

I think it's worth going back to your GP, and discussing ways to manage your anxiety, the old meds may have caused you problems but all meds won't, so worth trying something else.

I would be exactly the same op. Hand hold for you. I would definitely need to have some kind of medication if my daughter was going away anywhere like this.

I did Camp America when I was 19. Honestly one of the best experiences of my life. I was on the flight by myself and was met at the airport on the other end by the camp staff. I have life long friends, 20+ years later all the girls from my camp from the UK meet up every year or two.

Please don’t let your anxiety ruin your daughters experience. Don’t let her see just how worried you are. Please go speak to your GP as this level of anxiety isn’t normal.

I don’t know if this helps at all because as others have said, the root here is your anxiety. I
was a camper at and worked at a camp for well over a decade and we had tons of Camp America people and I think they all had an awesome time. For me, camp was pretty life changing over all, really confidence building and the camp I went to was Coed but there were so many strong female leaders, it really reinforced away from stereotypes - the women leading were funny, loud, messy and well liked for it. Is your DD going to a camp on the West Coast?

She will have an amazing time and make some amazing memories. I didn’t do camp America but did travel alone at that age.

If she has to fly alone I’m sure she will be absolutely fine but it seems more than likely she will be flying with other people who are going too.

Carry on not letting her know how you are feeling as you don’t want to stop her/ limit what she does in life. Speak to the GP about medication. Ignore your mum, your daughter wouldn’t be going if she didn’t want to, I can only imagine how excited she is. She will be absolutely fine and if she’s not she can come home.

Totally agree with this. What an amazing job you've done to swallow down your anxieties and raise a confident and independent daughter. You so clearly don't show your worries to your daughter or she wouldn't feel able to do this. Make sure you talk to someone though - it's obviously helped just messaging on here.

Oh OP, I feel so sad that you’re feeling this way. I’m diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) so I know exactly what you mean about panicky feelings and sleeplessness. I’ve been on 10mg Escitalopram for a while (started on 20 mg) and it’s made a huge difference. Sertraline didn’t work for me so my doctor tried this and it did.

Re. Camp America. We moved to the US when my children were young and they did several summer camps here. I met some British camp counselors (we gravitated towards each other when we heard the accent!) and those I spoke to were having a great time. I think that your DD will be fine.

I hope you can find a way to alleviate your anxiety longterm, it’s a horrible illness. 💐

I had anxiety over flying etc and you know what worked? Hrt. Can you consider that? I guess you are 50 or so with an 18 year old? I’ve had so many mates take antis for similar and eventually swap them for hrt and it helped a lot

Separate to dealing with your anxiety in general does it help to plan for contingencies? For example, get her some dollars to keep in a billfold in her pocket while travelling. Then she would have cash if she lost her bag and phone. Get her to have a photocopy of her passport and her Camp America contact details in both her checked in luggage and handbag.

I did Camp America many years ago. I met friends for life and had a fantastic experience. It was great preparation for being independent and moving on to university afterwards.

Definitely try a different medication.

I did camp America and happy to try and answer any worries / questions you have.

It's an amazing opportunity for her;I'd love my daughters to go but they both have medical issues that means it wouldn't be suitable for them to go;your daughter is very lucky.

You need to see a GP;you sound as though you need some professional help for your anxiety and possibly depression;I mean that with kindness

My mum is quite a negative person and she has made me feel like I'm sending her off to war so I suppose that hasn't helped.
My MIL can be like this, and was convinced that DS would decide to stay in the US for ever!
You are doing brilliantly not letting her anxiety overrule your common-sense.
As with others, my DS had a great time at Camp America (he broke his toe in the first week but had faultless care, and they kept him usefully employed)

What the heck? Please talk to your GP again. Ds1 went last summer to a camp near New York and loved it so much he is going back again this summer. I'm thrilled. I can't relate to your anxiety, I think it's damaging so please get help.

My son is similarly very adventurous and at 15 has gone on a few school trips that at his age, would have been my worst nightmare, but he's gone off happily without a backwards glance. While I was (secretly) a nervous wreck. It's my "stuff" and I'm just pleased he is adventurous and brave, when I am just not 😂. I don't like flying but he doesn't know this and has thankfully not picked up on this.

As others have said, you've raised your daughter in such a way she feels safe to try new things without fear and I think that's bloody wonderful!

After she's gone and come back, please come back on this thread and tell everyone what an amazing time she had xx

I did Camp America twice, there were a few hiccups but it was fine. You do fly with other CA people and then at the airport they collect you and ship you off to a Ramada Inn for orientation (or at least that is what they did with me). Then there are pretty explicit instructions about how to get to the camp. It will be fine and everyone is contactable if necessary, CA headquarters, the camp, other people doing CA, her friends, her family. My sister did CA for years, met her husband at camp and they have been married for ages, have a kid and live in the UK!