Man messaging my young teen

EG20221973 · 2024-04-14T18:25:38+00:00

My 14 year old has changed her Insta account from private to public (without my permission) and been contacted by a man in India. Their conversation moved over to Whatsapp, which is the point where I discovered what was happening. His country code is +91 which is India. I blocked him but now he has contacted her on another number, also +91. I have taken steps to address this internet behaviour and choices with my teen. My question is, other than block this man, is there anything else I can do with the numbers he is using? I expect my daughter is not the only young girl he is trying to talk to. Thank you. [Title edited by MNHQ]

Greywitch2 · 14/04/2024 19:27

Block.

And make your DD change her number.

Original poster

EG20221973 · 14/04/2024 19:44

Greywitch2 · 14/04/2024 19:27

Block.

And make your DD change her number.

Thank you for your reply. I will be changing her number, yes.

OP posts:

TheOccupier · 14/04/2024 19:51

The guy's just an average internet creep (not sure how his race is relevant)? Even if he were in the UK the police wouldn't be interested if all he's done is engage in conversation. Maybe teach your daughter not to give out her number to random men online? That could be a start. Get her a brick phone until she grows up a bit more.

Cheeesus · 14/04/2024 19:53

It’s great she told you though.

Original poster

EG20221973 · 14/04/2024 19:57

TheOccupier · 14/04/2024 19:51

The guy's just an average internet creep (not sure how his race is relevant)? Even if he were in the UK the police wouldn't be interested if all he's done is engage in conversation. Maybe teach your daughter not to give out her number to random men online? That could be a start. Get her a brick phone until she grows up a bit more.

If you think the police wont be interested, that has answered my question, thank you.
My daughter has learnt a lesson the hard way. She is not happy about her number being changed but that is the consequence of what has transpired. I use the Family Link app to set limits on her screen time and apps, so Whatsapp and Insta have now disappeared.
It is very difficult to convince a young teen that not everyone online has good intentions.

OP posts:

LibbyLemoncake · 14/04/2024 19:57

TheOccupier · 14/04/2024 19:51

The guy's just an average internet creep (not sure how his race is relevant)? Even if he were in the UK the police wouldn't be interested if all he's done is engage in conversation. Maybe teach your daughter not to give out her number to random men online? That could be a start. Get her a brick phone until she grows up a bit more.

It’s relevant because he is from India and OP asked if there was anything else she could do with the number he is using from India.

Original poster

EG20221973 · 14/04/2024 20:01

Cheeesus · 14/04/2024 19:53

It’s great she told you though.

Unfortunately, that is not how it came out. They have swapped addresses and my daughter was asking me about postage to India! This is the point where I went into her phone and had a dig around. So yes, this man now has our home address as well, which as you can imagine is far from ideal....

OP posts:

spottyhotdog · 14/04/2024 20:03

Maybe get her to change her insta username, so he can't find her again

stonedaisy · 14/04/2024 20:06

Hopefully lesson learnt from your daughter, that situation will be highly cringe for her and she probably regrets giving out personal information. Im dreading this sort of madness to come, mines only 5 years old

littleducks · 14/04/2024 20:06

There are people on WhatsApp groups I'm in with foreign numbers who are in the UK now but have a lived elsewhere previously. Therefore I would report to the police as although I expect they can't do anything as outside their jurisdiction it might be useful in some way.

Original poster

EG20221973 · 14/04/2024 20:07

spottyhotdog · 14/04/2024 20:03

Maybe get her to change her insta username, so he can't find her again

Insta is a privilege now lost. She had begged for months to have it and I finally gave in (against my better judgement) on the condition that her account stay private, for friends/family only.
I have talked to her about the poor choices she has made in changing her account to public. I have uninstalled Insta on her phone, and blocked her access through Family Link. There doesnt appear to be a way to permanently delete Instagram accounts, I had a good look on Google.

OP posts:

belfastjun · 14/04/2024 20:15

Is she SEN at all? I only ask because it seems very bizarre how she's given a stranger from India her actual address. Talking online is one thing but this extra step is quite alarming. Is she often this naive when it comes to safety?

Coshei · 14/04/2024 20:15

I’m sorry, but she shared her address with a total stranger? I don’t mean to be rude but this suggests extreme naivety and I would be quite concerned about her online activity in general.
I doubt that you can do anything regarding a foreign number but it’s probably worth reminding her that everything she shared can be shared with third parties who could try to connect with her. I am a bit surprised that she doesn’t understand the gravity of all this at the age of 14 if I’m honest.

BurntOutNurseryNurse · 14/04/2024 20:18

She gave out your full address? Yikes. She hasn't sent this man any pictures has she?? That's what I'd be worried about? Did you check her DMs to see what has been said/sent?

Brumhilda · 14/04/2024 20:19

He might be in the U.K. or anywhere else with an Indian number. It would still show as an Indian number if it’s an Indian sim, or on an Indian phone. So the problem may be closer than you think.

Find out exactly what info has been shared, and read back through all the thread to see what has been said.

Original poster

EG20221973 · 14/04/2024 20:20

Coshei · 14/04/2024 20:15

I’m sorry, but she shared her address with a total stranger? I don’t mean to be rude but this suggests extreme naivety and I would be quite concerned about her online activity in general.
I doubt that you can do anything regarding a foreign number but it’s probably worth reminding her that everything she shared can be shared with third parties who could try to connect with her. I am a bit surprised that she doesn’t understand the gravity of all this at the age of 14 if I’m honest.

Hearing you. Appreciate your candour.
She is very naive, yes. She is also SEN. You know what I am going to say next, she's a great kid. She is. But she is very immature for her age.
I am a single parent, I have got my hands FULL and then some. Not an excuse, just my situation. Came here to share as nobody else I can get advice from about this particular situation.
She has this mobile phone on the condition that I look at it to keep tabs, which I do. Clearly, both she and I have stumbled in our approach.

OP posts:

Greywitch2 · 14/04/2024 20:22

I just want to say, OP that I think you are doing a good job. Parenting teens is difficult, and you are doing your best by the sound of it to balance some independence with also keeping her safe.

I don't think you've stumbled - I think this will be a useful learning experience for her and you've handled it well.

DoreenonTill8 · 14/04/2024 20:22

Does she still have a smart phone? Maybe remove and simple one for texts/calls?

Original poster

EG20221973 · 14/04/2024 20:24

Brumhilda · 14/04/2024 20:19

He might be in the U.K. or anywhere else with an Indian number. It would still show as an Indian number if it’s an Indian sim, or on an Indian phone. So the problem may be closer than you think.

Find out exactly what info has been shared, and read back through all the thread to see what has been said.

They swapped addresses, he gave her an Indian address.
But I did not consider that of course, someone can be in the UK and using a SIM with an international number - good point, thank you.

OP posts:

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 14/04/2024 20:24

Brumhilda · 14/04/2024 20:19

He might be in the U.K. or anywhere else with an Indian number. It would still show as an Indian number if it’s an Indian sim, or on an Indian phone. So the problem may be closer than you think.

Find out exactly what info has been shared, and read back through all the thread to see what has been said.

We get calls from our local areas but the accents are a give-away as not from london but another part of the uk or world. The dialling code showing is no guarantee the caller is from that location and that is a fact

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 14/04/2024 20:25

WTF - where has she been the last 10 years during talks about giving out personal information to people on the internet?

I am beyond shocked. Why is she even interested in pursuing a relationship with a MAN at age 14?!

My children are 14 and 12, although DS and DD, so thank you for giving me a check to keep up channels of communication about these things.

Original poster

EG20221973 · 14/04/2024 20:27

It's a smart phone yes, but it's useful to have. For example, I use the free version of Life360 and I can see when she's arrived at school and home, when Im out of the house at work during the day.
Problem is, this person has her number so even if she had no social media, he can still use text to contact. The only solution is to change her number, which is easy to do. Then she can have her Whatsapp back.

OP posts:

socks1107 · 14/04/2024 20:29

You've totally done the right thing. We've had a young person in my close family groomed from around that age and it's destroyed her life, destroyed relationships and I wish her parents had looked harder despite warning signs.
She also gave out her address along with much much more. Keep family link and if stops another young person going through show her this reply, as I do not exaggerate when I say her life is far from that of a young adult peer. It's destroyed all sorts

BurntOutNurseryNurse · 14/04/2024 20:29

I wouldn't be so quick to let her have WhatsApp back. Clearly she's still a bit too immature to be trusted with it.

marmiteoneverything · 14/04/2024 20:29

TheOccupier · 14/04/2024 19:51

The guy's just an average internet creep (not sure how his race is relevant)? Even if he were in the UK the police wouldn't be interested if all he's done is engage in conversation. Maybe teach your daughter not to give out her number to random men online? That could be a start. Get her a brick phone until she grows up a bit more.

It’s not relevant that he’s Indian, it’s relevant that he’s in India. Not the same thing.

I wouldn’t be so sure that the police wouldn’t be interested if he was in the UK. We all know why adult men message 14 year old girls they ‘meet’ online.