Man messaging my young teen

[EG20221973]

My 14 year old has changed her Insta account from private to public (without my permission) and been contacted by a man in India. Their conversation moved over to Whatsapp, which is the point where I discovered what was happening. His country code is +91 which is India.
I blocked him but now he has contacted her on another number, also +91.
I have taken steps to address this internet behaviour and choices with my teen.
My question is, other than block this man, is there anything else I can do with the numbers he is using? I expect my daughter is not the only young girl he is trying to talk to. Thank you.

[Title edited by MNHQ]

Sorry - missed your update. It's horrible when people exploit vulnerability due to SEN - I hope it all works out. I might mention to the police in case they want to pursue.

Understandable. (Sorry, I may have missed an update before I posted.)

You can permanently delete accounts. There's usually a 30 day delay because it gives you the chance to reactivate. But all info you'll need is in their help centre.

His race is relevant as far as this particular pervert is Indian.

I think you're doing a great job. I think the appropriate consequence now would be to remove the phone from her altogether or delete the apps (which I think you said you already did) so she only has access to phone and messaging in emergencies etc. Especially as she's SEN - this is more about keeping her safe than whether it's too tough a consequence or not.

Also please make her watch some videos about teenage grooming so she can understand the danger she is putting not just herself but the whole family in by sharing personal information online.

You can permanently delete instagram accounts. Press the 3 lines to access settings, then accounts Centre, then personal details.

Just wanted to add that you can delete instagram accounts (I’d be wary of her logging on via a desktop at school or library and continuing to converse with the creep)

Delete instagram account

14 is a treacherous age and the new technology has made it so much worse! I think all social media should be banned for everyone under 16

No judgement from me. I’m a single parent too but thankfully still in the stage where my daughter is too young to have a phone.
I think it might be good to be more direct when explaining what can happen as a result of sharing such personal information, especially if this doesn’t occur to her naturally. I know that this might be upsetting hut it’s absolutely worth it.
I hope that you can resolve this and make her realise how dangerous this is.

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the responses.
Lots to process here, going to step back and get an early night. Her phone is locked down for now so no nasty surprises hopefully. I am proactive and intend to follow through to keep her safe and do my best to ensure this doesn't happen again.

We do indeed know why this kind of thing goes on around the world
He may have a number pertaining to be from indian but when I call family from the USA when on hols, does not make me American, lol.

The police would be interested, so the OP should give them a try

Thank you for a good, informative post

OP doesnt mention his race does she.

Have you reported the man’s account to Instagram? I would do so before you delete the account if you haven’t already done so.

What was she planning on sending him through the post?

God, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you mind if I ask what happened? I understand that you don’t want to go into too many details, but if there are any lessons the rest of us could learn, I’m sure we’d all be grateful. I don’t have a daughter, but I do have a 12-year-old niece who is very close to me. This stuff worries the hell out of me, especially as I’m such a techno dinosaur.

There is a guy a few streets away from here who was caught in an internet sting. He had groomed what he believed to be a 13-year-old girl. He drove 400 miles to meet her but was confronted by vigilantes instead, who filmed him and put it on YouTube. He is in his 30s and lives with his mum. You only have to type his name into Google and that video appears immediately. So these scumbags do get their comeuppance occasionally.

Hartley99. I'll be sketchy as could be outing but feel to message me if you want to know more.
It's started on a gaming app we think or are led to believe. These groomers encourage the child to hide everything and it became so bad in our case we don't really know what the truth is or ever was.
So we think it ramped up during lockdown as young people became an easy target. Already there was a gap as she came from a broken home so they're built in that vulnerability and filled a void. In our case the child was obsessed, stealing other people's phones to get in touch if we had removed one. She would do anything to be in contact with them.
Big red flags were obsession beyond normal teenage stuff with her phone, very secretive, no friends, no social life. Could become emotional very quickly then be happy the next. School grades deteriorated and there was zero interest in anything but screens.
Some very frightening and scary things happened that I won't say publicly once it was found.
Our local police service were useless and talked about charging her at one point for sending explicit pictures. It's been a horrific time

It is literally in the title of the thread! Or are you being deliberately obtuse because OP described the guy as Indian rather than south Asian?

Well done OP, sounds like you have handled the situation sensibly. Hopefully a lesson learned for your DD! Just wondering if it might be worth sending a message to this man warning him very strongly not to contact your daughter again and that you've reported him to police?

I agree with this - teenagers are both naive and street-wise at the same time, and don’t see danger in the same way that adults do.
Could you contact this man and get him to back off?

@Noseybookworm

cross-posted!

This situation is really worrying. If she doesn't understand the lesson, it's hard to prevent her from sharing personal details with strangers online or talking to him or others...even meeting them.

Taking away her privileges or even relocating won't necessarily solve the issue if she's determined. The more you and others warn her, the more she might want to continue. The truth is, you can't supervise her around the clock. It's a frightening situation.

I hope the lesson was truly learned.

Make sure that her other devices can’t get on instagram too eg desktop. The account won’t disappear if she covertly logs in.

Have a look at the National Crimes Agency website. They are concerned with overseas grooming and such cases.
Or report through the Childline site. Or Internet Matters.

I want to point out that your daughter is a victim of a criminal offence.
You've taken steps to remove her from Instagram and WhatsApp and explained to her that she's broken your rules, but have you acknowledged that she - a child - is the victim?
This man has groomed her, he's made contact with, befriended her, moved their conversations, has her address. Perhaps he planned to send her gifts - classic grooming. Perhaps he is planning a trip to the UK and will visit her, or perhaps he's already in the UK and has picked out a victim he is local too despite having an overseas sim. You have absolutely no way of knowing what his plans are now.
Yes she's been incredibly stupid and naive, but she's a child, her brain isn't fully developed.
You need to report this to the police as a matter of urgency, and you need to keep her instagram so that you can show the messages as evidence, ditto any other communication from him. It makes no difference that you think this man is in India. The victim of the crime is in the UK, this is a matter for the UK police.

Adding to my previous comment with this link: www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/

You might think I'm doom mongering, but given that he knows your address, all it takes now is for him to contact her and say something like "I'll burn your house down unless you send me a photo" or something to that effect - those words taken from an actual case I know of.

You have been amazing to be so on the ball OP.

These men are master manipulators and their main aim is financial. They convince these kids they are genuine, have insta with lots of photos and followers so kids assume they are real. They then fall in love, together forever etc. Then come the requests for photos. Then the blackmail - I have your parents address - am going to send the photos.

I have experience of this as a teacher and a friend. I know two cases of suicide linked to this. Kids who have been groomed - totally besotted and in love and then - boom - betrayed.

Please report account to instagram and at the very least log it with the police.

The guy's just an average internet creep (not sure how his race is relevant)?

The OP never mentioned his race.

British man, American man, Spanish man, what does that tell you about his race

A man from india, is an Indian man, dont know anything about him do we?

In any case it is completely relevant as others have pointed out because i fyou need to take it down a police route, you need to know where someone might be based, its not fool proof because people can use numbers in this country which are showing as in another country. We have this at work all the time, the police will then set out for us what they can and cant do about involving social media platforms or not. Some will simply not work with UK police.