Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

What age do they get a bit more polite?

190 replies

Flyhigher · 03/04/2024 20:08

My DD16 is getting a bit better.
I think 13/14 was the crescendo of rudeness.
It's still pretty bad. My boundaries have e been well and truly broken. I think it's 10/20% better.
Some odd flashes of actual niceness.
So how was it for you guys?
Give me ages and %.

And those of you with perfect polite girls please don't comment. I'm too jealous!

OP posts:
notnowmarmaduke · 03/04/2024 20:08

when you teach them to be polite. Don't accept rudeness

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/04/2024 20:09

I have two boys and I'm sorry but I didn't allow rudeness.
You don't have to put up with thst.

Alwaysalwayscold · 03/04/2024 20:10

Are you joking? You think one day they'll just become polite?

PontiacFirebird · 03/04/2024 20:14

I’d say it was worst 15-17, better at 18 OP

Original poster
Flyhigher · 03/04/2024 20:16

Some of my friends thought that ages 13 / 16 were the worst. I'm curious what MN thinks.

OP posts:
Bibbetybobbity · 03/04/2024 20:16

Loving the PP with perfect kids- sure thing 😆. I hear you OP, I am employing regular selective deafness tbh, just riding through the snappy comments that often come from
a bad day/tiredness. If I didn’t hear it then I am not condoning it- or some such logic!

TeenLifeMum · 03/04/2024 20:17

I’m always confused by this. My dc occasionally try being rude and I won’t engage so they soon speak to me like a human as that’s the only way I’ll respond. Why are we normalising rudeness? I have 3 teens and the youngest pushes things the most. I just say “Oh” and walk away. Then she calms down and returns being polite, apologetically. Don’t allow it.

Menomeno · 03/04/2024 20:22

I found they started to improve quite a lot between 16-18. They were delightful by 20. Hang in there, it does get better!

To PPs saying “don’t tolerate rudeness”. OP hasn’t suggested that she does tolerate it. She’s asking at what age does it stop being an issue that you have to not tolerate.

Panicmode1 · 03/04/2024 20:22

I have four teens - two are now at uni; they aren't rude, and never have been. It is possible to have well behaved, polite children who understand respect and boundaries....you just have to work hard and start parenting when they are very small....!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2024 20:24

Rude to you or rude to everyone? Because those are very different.

Dacadactyl · 03/04/2024 20:25

I won't comment on my kids cos they're generally very good.

I, however, was hell on earth to live with as a teenager and a nightmare from 13-18. It only improved once I moved out at 18 but no one can push my buttons like my mum, even now!

Original poster
Flyhigher · 03/04/2024 20:25

PontiacFirebird · 03/04/2024 20:14

I’d say it was worst 15-17, better at 18 OP

Thanks. She's 16.5. So nearly 17. It's turned down a notch. It was unbearable.
Still is on PMT week.

OP posts:
DelilahBucket · 03/04/2024 20:26

DS is 16 now and still haven't had much more than a tiny hint of rudeness which has been stopped in its tracks immediately. I don't understand why people think it's acceptable behaviour and don't challenge it. It's like people letting boys be absolutely vile because "boys will be boys" 🙄

TeenLifeMum · 03/04/2024 20:28

Menomeno · 03/04/2024 20:22

I found they started to improve quite a lot between 16-18. They were delightful by 20. Hang in there, it does get better!

To PPs saying “don’t tolerate rudeness”. OP hasn’t suggested that she does tolerate it. She’s asking at what age does it stop being an issue that you have to not tolerate.

But I can count on my fingers the number of times. Dd1 is 16 and has been rude twice (I remember because it was so out of character). Dd2&3 have been rude more but still only on one hand each (13 so we have time to add to it I guess). Rudeness isn’t a given.

Rememberthereasonswhy · 03/04/2024 20:30

Mine improved immensely around about seventeen and a half and eighteen; they stopped taking everything so personally and began to take other people’s perspectives on board!

Original poster
Flyhigher · 03/04/2024 20:31

It's always challenged.
However when they have mean girl friends and also their school doesn't have a great culture then it's not easy.

She was wonderful and perfect from 0 to 11. Secondary school was awful. And social media can be very vicious.

It's not as simple as just good parenting!

I know several amazing parents with some occasionally rude teen kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 03/04/2024 20:32

Rememberthereasonswhy · 03/04/2024 20:30

Mine improved immensely around about seventeen and a half and eighteen; they stopped taking everything so personally and began to take other people’s perspectives on board!

That's exactly it! She's an only too. I don't think that helps. Wish I'd had two.

OP posts:
Blanketpolicy · 03/04/2024 20:33

I find humour works best. Laugh at it with a “is that really the best teenager impression you can do?” and they are soon laughing with you. It’s got us through the teenage years, mostly, unscathed.

Menomeno · 03/04/2024 20:45

TeenLifeMum · 03/04/2024 20:28

But I can count on my fingers the number of times. Dd1 is 16 and has been rude twice (I remember because it was so out of character). Dd2&3 have been rude more but still only on one hand each (13 so we have time to add to it I guess). Rudeness isn’t a given.

Show quote history

Of course not. My eldest was a dream through the teenage years. His brother on the other hand was a sullen little toerag for years. DD had raging hormones, meltdowns and every bloody thing was a drama. Not all of them are the same. My point is that they usually grow out of it.

EffinMagicFairy · 03/04/2024 20:50

DS19 always been very polite to me and respectful of elders, teachers etc. Not sure what happened with DD15, I’m glad to hear they improve! Both brought up with same values as in we don’t tolerate rudeness but with DD we have to pick our battles.

Original poster
Flyhigher · 03/04/2024 20:59

I think boys are more polite. Or at least probably just don't bother arguing.

Girls debate more. Rudely too.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 03/04/2024 21:57

This thread is excruciating. 'I don't tolerate rudeness' oh really? Sure thing Jan. Teenagers have a worldwide rep for being argumentative and sullen for no reason whatsoever and in fact are delightful if you merely parent them. Job done!

Boak.

Original poster
Flyhigher · 03/04/2024 22:21

MorrisZapp · 03/04/2024 21:57

This thread is excruciating. 'I don't tolerate rudeness' oh really? Sure thing Jan. Teenagers have a worldwide rep for being argumentative and sullen for no reason whatsoever and in fact are delightful if you merely parent them. Job done!

Boak.

🤣yes.

OP posts:
notnowmarmaduke · 03/04/2024 22:44

Flyhigher · 03/04/2024 20:16

Some of my friends thought that ages 13 / 16 were the worst. I'm curious what MN thinks.

depends on parenting largely

notnowmarmaduke · 03/04/2024 22:48

MorrisZapp · 03/04/2024 21:57

This thread is excruciating. 'I don't tolerate rudeness' oh really? Sure thing Jan. Teenagers have a worldwide rep for being argumentative and sullen for no reason whatsoever and in fact are delightful if you merely parent them. Job done!

Boak.

no they don't, that reputation is a myth perpetuated by people who try and excuse bad behaviour in their own teens - no one actually thinks teens are normally rude.