DC 14yo wants an Iphone!

[DamnUserName21]

Just a vent really.

My 14yo has been nagging me, bombarding me, arguing with me, throwing strops, tears and the odd tantrum because she wants me to get her a £600 Iphone on finance through Apple. She said she'd give up her allowance (which is more than the monthly payment) and will do more chores to pay for it.

The thing is - we aren't an Iphone family. I don't buy into all the new or Apple tech. DC is generally unspoiled and not into gadgets and 'stuff' and does not usually ask for much. She has a Samsung currently, which was second-hand from another family member as she broke her previous mobile.

I'm at my wits end and find it all so wearying. I don't know -- am I being unreasonable? I just find a 14yo with an expensive mobile phone so unnecessary. Plus the chances of damage are high!

For those of you that have been through this--what are your experiences? How did you handle things?

I would say, yes, when she's saved up for it.

So allowance, chores, weekend job....all fine and once she has the £600 (are they that cheap I thought they were over 1k ???) Then she can buy one.

Finance isn't for wants, it's for needs.

Opportunity to teach her about money here OP.

I don’t have a £600 iPhone on credit. I have hand me downs and pay £11 per month for calls and texts.

If you are offering a certain amount of money towards a phone, I don’t think the branch should be the hill to die on but she needs to pay any extra and you need to teach her that constant finance for things you can’t afford is not good.

If she’s willing to pay for it, let her. Just because you don’t like Apple doesn’t mean your dc have to follow the same rules.

I’m an apple fan. Dh is android.

‘Thing is-we aren’t an iPhone family’ is a weird reason to not get her one.

Why would it need to be on finance instead of a refurbished one? If she remains tantrum-free for a few months she can contribute to paying for it.

@DamnUserName21

The thing is - we aren't an Iphone family

what pile of spank is this??

she's an individual. You choose your own tech, leave her to choose hers (finances aside). Now she's older she gets to make choices about her technology & her life in general.

However, I would be explaining to her about how buying 'wants' on credit is a bad idea & how much more you pay for phones in this way. I'd encourage her to save her gift money & allowance to buy it, if that's what she still wants, when she's saved enough.

It's madness to not get an iPhone for a 14 year old on the basis that you aren't an iPhone family.

You may not know this, but teenagers sometimes rebel against their parents. As rebellions go, liking iPhones is quite a mild one. My friend's 15 year old got a MASSIVE (illegal) tattoo.

There are other reasons not to get the phone, but not being an iPhone family isn't one of them!

The word NO.

You don't have to be an 'iphone family' to have a teen who wants an iPhone. My dd14 was desperate for one last year so we got her one for her birthday/Xmas. If you can afford it, why not? If you don't want her to have one, say no. You don't need to be at your wits end about it.

Mine have reconditioned iPhones and not the latest models by a long shot. They were birthday presents and are insured. The eldest has had hers 3 years and it’s never had anything more than a cracked screen protector.
I’d be telling her that she can have one for her next birthday (if you can afford it at all) and depending on your budget, she may have to save up birthday money etc to contribute.
If you really can’t afford it then that’s the end of the conversation.

No

NO strops
NO tantrums
NO bombarding
NO tears
NO arguing

when she behaves like someone who can be the owner of such an item, then consider it.

No to the finance either.

Her having an older Samsung instead of an iPhone isn't the moral flex you think it is. It's not like you're comparing Apple with a small local independent.

Such focus on not being an Iphone family! I'm not against Apple. I was just providing context as we aren't past or current Iphone users and are generally low tech users, generally.

@Aquamarine1029 I don't appreciate being called self-absorbed because I have misgivings about getting a £600 phone on finance for a child. It would be the same regardless of brand.

Of course, DC is an individual and can choose what tech brand she wants. Just as I have to decide what we can afford or not.

A refurbished phone is definitely something I will look into because, no, I don't plan to die on this hill but I also don't want to kowtow to DC who thinks by throwing a strop she can get her way.

It's hard to tell what we aren't an iPhone family means.
If you can't afford it then fair enough explain that.
There's no moral high ground in not having an iPhone though - all the same apps accessible via android.
At 14 my DD and all her friends chatted by iMessage - would have been pointless to force a Samsung on her.
You're bringing up your daughter in 2024 and whether you managed/manage without an iPhone you're potentially almost disenfranchising her in today's world. Admittedly it depends on the demographic where you live but my DD would not have been lying at 14 when she said everyone in her social circle had one.
My parents made puritanical rulings re possessions, what sort of tv we could watch etc when I was growing up - I don't look back with any fondness on being the odd one out.

You are way off! I wasn't comparing phones at all in terms of 'moral flex.' I have no idea if Samsung is morally better than Apple.

iPhones are fantastic. Mind me had them from a young age and love them. Apple are popular because they're really good.

We're a Samsung household, cannot stand Apple products. Dd2 wanted an iphone, she got a 12 or 14, I've no clue, from eBay because dad's an utter sucker for her. £180 for his little princess, i wouldn't even spend the same outright on my phone, neither would he.

13yo dd is all about what's trending on tiktok though.

I agree you shouldn't give in to stroppy behaviour/tantrums.

But, if she's asked for this and your reason to say no was because 'we're not an apple family', I can see why she might scream in frustration! It's the most illogical and ridiculous reason on earth!

If you've said 'we can't afford it', that doesn't seem a good reason either if she's going to pay for it from her allowance.

If it's that you're worried about her having an expensive phone/damaging it...that's a good reason, but I suppose she'll argue that she's learnt her lesson from the one she's already broken.

What I'm saying is, she's wrong to strop and tantrum, but it must be deeply frustrating to be denied something you really want for no real reason. For the person holding the power to refuse to negotiate or meet halfway. You'd be massively irritated if this happened to you, of course she is too!

I'd try and find a genuine reason for not getting her one. If you can't, let her get one.

Just get her one.

Then you will be an iPhone family.

@DamnUserName21 does she want any iphone, the latest iphone or something in the middle?

Will she compromise for an older model or a refurb one instead? Especially since Iphones do start performing less and less as they get older, from battery life to software issues and I say this as an Apple user.

£600 is not reasonable for something that can be broken,stolen,lost, confiscated etc. It would be exactly the same if she wanted a £600 backpack.

My 11 yo ds has an iPhone. We are an iPhone family, they’re great. I have controls on his phone for downloading apps, time limits on apps etc. it’s a refurbished iPhone 13 and costs us £25 a month so doesn’t break the bank. He uses it for socialising and for school. I can’t see the issue with a 14 yo having a iPhone - it seems quite normal. Just get an older and refurbished model so it’s cheaper

OK ignoring the iPhone Family thing

No strops. She can save up. Teaching saving is teaching two things. One, that financing is just saving but with a massive cost attached. And risk. Two, that saving makes you really think about whether you want the thing enough to save up for it and when you get it, you really think about if it was worth it. Financing doesn't teach that.

I did it with DD and she's now a real saver at 13. Very savvy and sensible. And she has ADHD and impulse control issues so it was very important to make saving the dopamine hit, not spending.

You are at your wits end because your 14 year old has offered to use her allowance and do extra chores for the phone brand of her choice?

I hope nothing difficult comes your way

I take it as she wouldn't understand the functions of the phone to perhaps regulate usage.

Compromise (if she can rein in the tantrums and strops) with an older iPhone model and a reconditioned version? If she can prove for a year or two that she can take care of it properly then maybe look at a newer one for Christmas and/or Birthday.

DH and I both recently upgraded to a version up from our old phones, reconditioned versions and around £200 each.

Our 15 year old niece has an iPhone 15 and honestly it's ridiculous, she has absolutely no concept or appreciation of the value of how much it cost and goes through screens like nobody's business because she's not careful with it.