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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DC 14yo wants an Iphone!

111 replies

DamnUserName21 · 18/02/2024 16:17

Just a vent really.

My 14yo has been nagging me, bombarding me, arguing with me, throwing strops, tears and the odd tantrum because she wants me to get her a £600 Iphone on finance through Apple. She said she'd give up her allowance (which is more than the monthly payment) and will do more chores to pay for it.

The thing is - we aren't an Iphone family. I don't buy into all the new or Apple tech. DC is generally unspoiled and not into gadgets and 'stuff' and does not usually ask for much. She has a Samsung currently, which was second-hand from another family member as she broke her previous mobile.

I'm at my wits end and find it all so wearying. I don't know -- am I being unreasonable? I just find a 14yo with an expensive mobile phone so unnecessary. Plus the chances of damage are high!

For those of you that have been through this--what are your experiences? How did you handle things?

OP posts:

CheerfulYank · 18/02/2024 16:19

My DS got a job and bought it himself, which I was fine with. But then I have an iPhone myself and love it!

IncognitoUsername · 18/02/2024 16:19

If a 14 year old has been throwing tantrums then she’s definitely not grown up enough for a new phone. (Unless there are SEN issues not mentioned in the op)

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 18/02/2024 16:20

Mine had one. Nothing terrible happened to her.

Youre not into Apple or new tech. But she is. She doesn’t have to do what you believe in.

Sobbingteen · 18/02/2024 16:21

Mine were allowed them for birthday/Christmas. It was more than our present budget so they had to ask for money from everyone else and save a bit. It took my DD a birthday and Christmas to get one. No way would I be just getting them something that expensive.

BlackBean2023 · 18/02/2024 16:21

I think this is pretty normal 14 yo behaviour. You might not be an Apple family but chances are a lot of her friends have iPhones.

Can you afford it? If you can, I would give in to this one. My parents always bought me something just short of what I actually wanted to save money (they didn't need to) and it's something I still feel quite bitter about in adulthood.

If you can't afford it then explain this to her - that alone is a valid reason.

TeatimeBiscuits · 18/02/2024 16:22

Mine have them. You can get them from CEX for much less than that

WaitingForMojo · 18/02/2024 16:22

Mine have them and we are the least techy family ever. They are likely to be in a minority without. If they’re prepared to contribute by giving up allowance etc it’s obviously very important to them.

It’s about what’s important to them, not what’s important to you?

madeinmanc · 18/02/2024 16:22

They can be into Apple if they want to, why is it up to you?

restingrichface · 18/02/2024 16:22

YABU. Just because you don't like Apple or new technology doesn't mean your kid should miss out if you can afford it which it seems like you can.

usernother · 18/02/2024 16:23

If you don't have one, and you decide to allow your daughter to have one, you should learn how to use it so you can monitor her usage.

WittyMotherhoodRelatedPun · 18/02/2024 16:23

My friend’s 14yo daughter also wants one. I ran through all the reasons why I didn’t think it was a good idea (in particular, making a purchase on credit, and the fact that she loses/breaks things constantly, due in part to ADD).

I suppose I am a Mean Mother but I just don’t see the need for such an expensive piece of kit at that age. And throwing a strop isn’t going to make the money appear in your bank account.

It is no mean feat to be satisfied with what one has when up against the massive industry dedicated to making us feel that what we have is simply not enough. And I suppose I “just don’t understand”. But the biggest gift my parents ever gave me was impressing upon me just how lucky I was and how much I had (it was true, but of course not easy to see as a teenager).

Edited to add: I have an iPhone and actually more pieces of Apple kit than I’m willing to admit here! It doesn’t change the fact that it’s a shitload of money, she’s not even old enough for a paper round yet is she?

WaitingForMojo · 18/02/2024 16:23

And damage… you insure it? It’s likely covered by your contents insurance.

BoohooWoohoo · 18/02/2024 16:24

My kids have iPhones but not the newest ones and they’ve never broken a phone.
As a compromise I’d consider a second hand model and see if she can keep that in good condition before paying for a newer model. This is assuming that you can afford it btw - phones are a birthday gift here.

Verite1 · 18/02/2024 16:25

How about a refurbished one. We got our DS a refurbished one and it looked perfect (and was lots cheaper). But for big ticket presents we also do the joint birthday/christmas thing plus has to do general jobs round the home to earn it etc.

Ionacat · 18/02/2024 16:25

I don’t think it matters whether you are into new tech or not, she just wants something very expensive and can’t afford it. I would say, if you want to save up for it/do extra chores to earn money, save up birthday and Christmas money, then go for it, but you’re not taking out finance for her. (You can get reconditioned ones at a reasonable price both through Apple and other sellers.)

surfacedeamon · 18/02/2024 16:26

Just because you don’t have apple doesn’t mean she should have to follow. If her behaviour is poor about wanting one then I can see why you’re hesitant. If she’s just persistently asking then can you use birthday and Christmas money towards it, has she got savings to cover part of the cost? You don’t have to get a new one you can get refurbished ones quite easily.

My DS started with a refurbished phone and has now got a refurbished iPhone 11. He looks after it. He’s 15. No issues at all with any breakage or damage.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/02/2024 16:28

I think there's an opportunity to discuss buying something you want, now, on credit.
She has a working phone, so maybe a chat about getting into debt for something that isn't a necessity is needed.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/02/2024 16:29

we aren't an Iphone family

Sounds like DH, he's a terrible tech snob

DD and I both have one, hers is second hand and they are not the latest models!

Aquamarine1029 · 18/02/2024 16:30

I think you're being a real hardarse about this for no good reason, and you're actually missing out on a great learning experience for her. Your excuse that you don't like tech is quite self-absorbed, honestly. Your daughter isn't you, she's allowed to like things you don't.

Get her the phone and lay down the conditions in which she has to live by to earn it. I would have a set of household tasks that will now be her responsibility, and she will also have to pay for an insurance plan out of her allowance to cover for any breakage.

CuntRYMusicStar · 18/02/2024 16:31

I got dd a 2nd hand iPhone SE. She stays away all week so we need it so she can video call. It wasn't too much more expensive than any other decent phone that wasn't going to be obsolete in a year tbh.

Either she's mature enough and can save birthday/christmas, pocket money towards or you don't want her to have it yet - there's not a lot to say on the subject!

Mypoorstomach · 18/02/2024 16:33

My 13 yo has an iPhone. He got it age 11 and has looked after it. Does it need to be £600 quid? I got an email for an iPhone 15 for £79 upfront and a £29 contract. Which I’m contemplating for when my current contract ends.

Gymmum82 · 18/02/2024 16:36

If her allowance is more than the monthly cost can she not buy it herself?
My dd is younger but wanted an iPad. She saved up her xmas/birthday/pocket money and bought her own.
Just because you don’t like Apple doesn’t mean she can’t. If she wants one and has the means to buy one let her buy it

Newbalancebeam · 18/02/2024 16:39

Wow, what a hill to choose to die on! Yes, a brand new, latest model iphone is expensive. I wouldn’t buy her one of those either. But I’d have no issue with a reconditioned model, or a newer SE which is more like £350. Most Apple products last well. I’ve got an iPhone 8 that still works (don’t use it as upgraded) and it’s 6 years old and fell in the toilet once. Dried it out and still won’t die! No issues with speed. Cost per use is negligible!

Spacecowboys · 18/02/2024 16:39

I don’t do mobile phones on finance so it would be a no from me doing it that way . I would buy an I phone for dcs ( or whichever brand they wanted, regardless of my own preference) but it would be a birthday or Xmas gift.

Newbalancebeam · 18/02/2024 16:41

To add, I agree with your point about credit and contracts. I always buy handsets outright (in the US if possible as cheaper) and then keep for 4 years or so. Some of the DCs’ friends have newer models than theirs as their parents think nothing of taking out expensive contracts, which ultimately cost more.

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